Must look accidental

[downndone2]

First time posting here, I literally lost everything after lots of trauma, extensive medical issues, followed by neuro and psych issues). This all happened several yrs ago and I just cannot pick myself up out of the darkness. I have had SI for some time now.
I literally have been counting the months until my 2 yr life insurance "suicide clause" is over, but I'm not sure I can make it 12 more months.
I need it to look like an accident

 

[Darkover]

when they check your internet history they will find you visit this site many times don't think you'll have a foolproof plan.
i didn't know you can get life insurance that pays out on in a case of a suicide.

 

[downndone2]

when they check your internet history they will find you vist this site many times don't think you'll have a foolproof plan.
i didn't know you can get life insurance that pays out on in a case of a suicide.

I use an old phone to visit this site, not my laptop or current cell.
Most life insurance plans have a 2 year suicide clause. It is listed in the policy document. Also, state specific.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be dreadful to be in a hopeless situation, I understand that it is hard to carry on when you cannot take any more of this life. I'm sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[summers]

Heroin od is probably the easiest method to make look like an accident.

@downndone2 if you're not on a vpn or tor every time you visit this site, your isp knows exactly what you're doing. Doesn't matter the device if the phone account is tied to your name.

 

[downndone2]

I'm not sure I see anyone digging into my IP address for info. I have a long history of depression with everything that has happened. My health is awful. I suppose i just need to hope something legitimately makes me suck to death or hang on until 2023, then off for H with F I go. My life was perfect until I literally fucked it all up.

 

[Interloper]

Do they know of your depression? That might make them look into your ISP data with the help of LE.

 

[downndone2]

My family knows of my depression, I assume they would only go looking into my ISP if at request of life insurance company, otherwise I would go to med examiner for cause. Med examiner would pick up any drugs and I've certainly never been known to use heroin. I hope I just have a heart attack and die naturally from all this stress. But one thing is for sure, I cannot do this before the suicide clause because I at least want my grown kids to have that

 

[KlMeNw]

My family knows of my depression, I assume they would only go looking into my ISP if at request of life insurance company, otherwise I would go to med examiner for cause. Med examiner would pick up any drugs and I've certainly never been known to use heroin. I hope I just have a heart attack and die naturally from all this stress. But one thing is for sure, I cannot do this before the suicide clause because I at least want my grown kids to have that

I am in a very similar situation and it sucks. The only difference is my kids are school age and I still have two years to go on my insurance suicide clause. I need to leave, I just cant hold on anymore, but I could leave my family with nothing. Let me know if you get any ideas.

 

[treetop.grazer]

I am in a very similar situation and it sucks. The only difference is my kids are school age and I still have two years to go on my insurance suicide clause. I need to leave, I just cant hold on anymore, but I could leave my family with nothing. Let me know if you get any ideas.

I'm in exactly the same boat, I've got another year left on my clause and daily I'm looking for a way that makes it look like an accident. Two of my kids are at uni and paying for that is also crippling me so the insurance payout would cover all that comfortably.

 

[aplacetogo]

I don't feel comfortable giving ideas here, but given some of your heart-wrenching stories, I will say I have had this thought before and googled a phrase along those lines and there were people giving ideas. Some ideas were really bad, some seemed less bad. But the most compelling ideas (IMO) require the person to be physically fit and engaging in a high-risk activity that is accident-prone, so I guess they wouldn't be viable for everyone unless you also plan to get fit.

Interesting that y'all want it look like an accident for monetary reasons. For me, the reason to make it look like an accident was to spare my family and friends the anguish of feeling like there was something they "could have done". But I acknowledge that I don't have dependents so I don't know what it's like.

For the people who have school-age kids: as someone who is probably closer to the age of your kids than you are (I am 30), I think it's worth considering how likely it is that your kids will STAY in school were you to die by suicide. If they're not likely to stay in school, what would be the point of the life insurance money paying for school?

 

[downndone2]

I don't feel comfortable giving ideas here, but given some of your heart-wrenching stories, I will say I have had this thought before and googled a phrase along those lines and there were people giving ideas. Some ideas were really bad, some seemed less bad. But the most compelling ideas (IMO) require the person to be physically fit and engaging in a high-risk activity that is accident-prone, so I guess they wouldn't be viable for everyone unless you also plan to get fit.

Interesting that y'all want it look like an accident for monetary reasons. For me, the reason to make it look like an accident was to spare my family and friends the anguish of feeling like there was something they "could have done". But I acknowledge that I don't have dependents so I don't know what it's like.

For the people who have school-age kids: as someone who is probably closer to the age of your kids than you are (I am 30), I think it's worth considering how likely it is that your kids will STAY in school were you to die by suicide. If they're not likely to stay in school, what would be the point of the life insurance money paying for school?

I also would like to spare my family of thoughts that I took my life. My son is in uni and daughter has graduated uni and on her own. I want them to have my life insurance money to have them set up in life

 

[aplacetogo]

I am in a very similar situation and it sucks. The only difference is my kids are school age and I still have two years to go on my insurance suicide clause. I need to leave, I just cant hold on anymore, but I could leave my family with nothing. Let me know if you get any ideas.

I'm in exactly the same boat, I've got another year left on my clause and daily I'm looking for a way that makes it look like an accident. Two of my kids are at uni and paying for that is also crippling me so the insurance payout would cover all that comfortably.

Hi both, I reflected on your messages more, since they struck a chord (I was imagining myself and my friends and how we would have reacted had a parent CTB to help pay for our schooling). You clearly both love your family enough to care about their future. So it was confusing to me why you felt the benefit to their future would be higher if you CTB. The only explanation is that maybe you think your primary contribution to your family is financial in nature? If so, I just wanted to leave this thought with you: even if that currently is the case (ie you don't give much to your family beyond your financial contributions), I don't think anyone in your family *wants* it to be the case that they only have a transactional/financial relationship with you. And the benefit to having a closer relationship with a father figure is *huge* for kids - it's 1000% more valuable than paying for college.

So just a thought: if college is bleeding you dry to the point where you are thinking of CTB to pay for it…how about just don't pay for college, even if it means bringing the kids home for now (anyway most of us millennial college grads end up living with our parents post college as well lol), be honest and vulnerable with them about what's going on (the only way they won't be upset with you), and use the new time and opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your kids? I know it's unusual to do this in our culture but hey our culture is fucked anyway. And also if your kids knew it was a choice between you CTB vs them delaying college indefinitely? I can't imagine a world where a kid would NOT prefer to delay college unless your kids were literally born psychopaths.

It just seems like a much easier AND beneficial solution than "CTB to pay for kids' future", purely from a logical standpoint. No judgment either way, and of course I respect your choice.

I also would like to spare my family of thoughts that I took my life. My son is in uni and daughter has graduated uni and on her own. I want them to have my life insurance money to have them set up in life

I guess my response above applies to you too, huh? Especially because if you think your family would be bothered if they knew it was CTB (meaning they care about you) but you still want them to be set up in life…I really think having a close relationship with a parent is way more helpful in being "set up in life" compared to just money. But again, I of course respect whatever choice you make.

 

[downndone2]

I'm in exactly the same boat, I've got another year left on my clause and daily I'm looking for a way that makes it look like an accident. Two of my kids are at uni and paying for that is also crippling me so the insurance payout would cover all that comfortably.

I think about it daily. On top of all the shit that happened I'm also in a lot of physical pain and have a lot of medical problems. But every thought I have makes me think of failure and possibility of being paralyzed forever, etc. I'm sure I'll just have to keep pushing through until the 2 year clause has ended.

Hi both, I reflected on your messages more, since they struck a chord (I was imagining myself and my friends and how we would have reacted had a parent CTB to help pay for our schooling). You clearly both love your family enough to care about their future. So it was confusing to me why you felt the benefit to their future would be higher if you CTB. The only explanation is that maybe you think your primary contribution to your family is financial in nature? If so, I just wanted to leave this thought with you: even if that currently is the case (ie you don't give much to your family beyond your financial contributions), I don't think anyone in your family *wants* it to be the case that they only have a transactional/financial relationship with you. And the benefit to having a closer relationship with a father figure is *huge* for kids - it's 1000% more valuable than paying for college.

So just a thought: if college is bleeding you dry to the point where you are thinking of CTB to pay for it…how about just don't pay for college, even if it means bringing the kids home for now (anyway most of us millennial college grads end up living with our parents post college as well lol), and use the extra mental space and time to build a deeper relationship with your kids? I know it's unusual to do this in our culture but hey our culture is fucked anyway. And also if your kids knew it was a choice between you CTB vs them delaying college indefinitely? I can't imagine a world where a kid would NOT prefer to delay college unless your kids were literally born psychopaths.

It just seems like a much easier AND beneficial solution than "CTB to pay for kids' future", purely from a logical standpoint. No judgment either way, and of course I respect your choice.

I guess my response above applies to you too, huh? Especially because if you think your family would be bothered if they knew it was CTB (meaning they care about you) but you still want them to be set up in life…I really think having a close relationship with a parent is way more helpful in being "set up in life" compared to just money. But again, I of course respect whatever choice you make.

I am sorry, I feel our replies kind of overlapped, I thought I was replying to the others. But I do not want to cbt just so my kids can have the life ins money. They do love me and I know that it will be a sad day when I do it. I want to cbg because my life is absolutely miserable and has been for yrs. But if I do it, i do want for my kids to have my life ins money. They'll be left with a lot of expenses and such to pay for after my death.

 

[aplacetogo]

I am sorry, I feel our replies kind of overlapped, I thought I was replying to the others. But I do not want to cbt just so my kids can have the life ins money. They do love me and I know that it will be a sad day when I do it. I want to cbg because my life is absolutely miserable and has been for yrs. But if I do it, i do want for my kids to have my life ins money. They'll be left with a lot of expenses and such to pay for after my death.

Ah yeah I feel you, oof. I guess it's hypocritical of me to object because here I am thinking of CTB, which would devastate my parents, but when I see parents on here I think of my own parents rather than of me, and I so would not be ready if either of my parents CTB or even died out of the blue (and of course I would be most upset if I thought it was an accident but later learned it was a suicide).

@downndone2 since it sounds like we both have loved ones who we expect to be emotionally devastated in the wake of our deaths…one thing I have spent a lot of time thinking about is whether there is a chance that my consciousness will persist after death, such that I will have to watch my family go through the pain.

There is actually a lot of research on the subject of near-death experiences, which I guess are the best thing we have to approximate actual death. Based on all the evidence, it actually looks like the answer is yes: consciousness DOES persist after death. So we WILL have to watch everyone around us suffer. There is now a documentary on Netflix called "Surviving Death", and the first episode is about near-death experiences. I recommend everyone here watch that as it's extremely relevant to us.

I have come to a place where I have decided that I AM ok with watching what happens after I CTB, as long as I explain what is going on to my friends and family in advance. The fact is that if you don't give a specific date when you will kill yourself, people don't have legal authority to hospitalize you. Even if you do get hospitalized (I have been hospitalized twice) you can just wait it out till you get discharged eventually. So at the end of the day the law is on our side as long as we only give approximate dates. I told my girlfriend and there were a lot of tears but she is coming around slowly as I explained the pain I was in. With other friends I am using the metaphor of a terminal disease that has a high chance of killing me (not untrue if we recognize that depression is a disease). This is the only way I will be ok with being forced to watch what happens after I die.

Just wanted to pass it on to you in case you find it relevant.

 

[downndone2]

Ah yeah I feel you, oof. I guess it's hypocritical of me to object because here I am thinking of CTB, which would devastate my parents, but when I see parents on here I think of my own parents rather than of me, and I so would not be ready if either of my parents CTB or even died out of the blue (and of course I would be most upset if I thought it was an accident but later learned it was a suicide).

I had a friend who cbt by hanging and left an 18 yr old daughter. It was awful. I also have a friend who's daughter cbt by hanging and it was emotionally devastating. Either way it is never a good situation for those left behind. When I say I want things to look like an accident, it is not just for the life insurance but also to hopefully spare my family of knowing I cbt. I'm in such a dilemma. Before everything that happened to me, I was a very happy person, cbt was never even a thought. Now I spend everyday wishing I wouldnt wake up. I havent found the balls to cbt. Keep hoping an actual accident or natural sudden death will just occur. But if it weren't for my grown kids, dogs, not knowing what happens post cbt, and the life insurance deal, I think I would have done it long ago. I always think of the movie "What Dreams May Come" (ironically with Robin Williams) when I think of cbt. But my life just blows complete a$$ right now.

 

[SofterSoftest]

Ah yeah I feel you, oof. I guess it's hypocritical of me to object because here I am thinking of CTB, which would devastate my parents, but when I see parents on here I think of my own parents rather than of me, and I so would not be ready if either of my parents CTB or even died out of the blue (and of course I would be most upset if I thought it was an accident but later learned it was a suicide).

@downndone2 since it sounds like we both have loved ones who we expect to be emotionally devastated in the wake of our deaths…one thing I have spent a lot of time thinking about is whether there is a chance that my consciousness will persist after death, such that I will have to watch my family go through the pain.

There is actually a lot of research on the subject of near-death experiences, which I guess are the best thing we have to approximate actual death. Based on all the evidence, it actually looks like the answer is yes: consciousness DOES persist after death. So we WILL have to watch everyone around us suffer. There is now a documentary on Netflix called "Surviving Death", and the first episode is about near-death experiences. I recommend everyone here watch that as it's extremely relevant to us.

I have come to a place where I have decided that I AM ok with watching what happens after I CTB, as long as I explain what is going on to my friends and family in advance. The fact is that if you don't give a specific date when you will kill yourself, people don't have legal authority to hospitalize you. Even if you do get hospitalized (I have been hospitalized twice) you can just wait it out till you get discharged eventually. So at the end of the day the law is on our side as long as we only give approximate dates. I told my girlfriend and there were a lot of tears but she is coming around slowly as I explained the pain I was in. With other friends I am using the metaphor of a terminal disease that has a high chance of killing me (not untrue if we recognize that depression is a disease). This is the only way I will be ok with being forced to watch what happens after I die.

Just wanted to pass it on to you in case you find it relevant.

Yeah, I find the idea of consciousness persisting beyond death absolutely terrifying. To be honest, it's one of the main factors preventing me from CTB, and one of the reasons I've looked into staging an accident. The reality is that CTB is already so complicated, so making it ALSO look like an accident seems like it would be beyond reach.

I've also tried talking to my SO about CTB, but honestly he is in a state of denial about it and I don't blame him. This is a really, really hard topic. I think his family would likely think the worst of me and he would likely eventually jump on board even if initially he might be understanding. My grandmother, who has talked a lot about CTB since my mom's death, would likely never forgive me because in her mind, CTB is justifiable for someone who is in her 90s ('we're gonna die anyway'), but not somebody who is in a stage that she believes is the start of one's life. I think my closest childhood friend and my brother are probably the only ones who will forgive me, but I still know my brother especially would be totally devastated and never recover. If I have a 'choice' of people to observe in an after-life conscious state, I would probably focus on my best friend, because she has known for years that I want to CTB and is probably the most prepared and understanding.

 

[Blacklight]

when they check your internet history they will find you visit this site many times don't think you'll have a foolproof plan.
i didn't know you can get life insurance that pays out on in a case of a suicide.

My life insurance has a two year period as well. First time I tried to CTB I was in limbo between living with myself everyday to leave something for my family behind, and just saying fuck it.

 

[morg]

I don't feel comfortable giving ideas here, but given some of your heart-wrenching stories, I will say I have had this thought before and googled a phrase along those lines and there were people giving ideas. Some ideas were really bad, some seemed less bad. But the most compelling ideas (IMO) require the person to be physically fit and engaging in a high-risk activity that is accident-prone, so I guess they wouldn't be viable for everyone unless you also plan to get fit.

Interesting that y'all want it look like an accident for monetary reasons. For me, the reason to make it look like an accident was to spare my family and friends the anguish of feeling like there was something they "could have done". But I acknowledge that I don't have dependents so I don't know what it's like.

For the people who have school-age kids: as someone who is probably closer to the age of your kids than you are (I am 30), I think it's worth considering how likely it is that your kids will STAY in school were you to die by suicide. If they're not likely to stay in school, what would be the point of the life insurance money paying for school?

Can you share any of those ideas with me in a private message? I'm not necessarily going to do it, but it would be a world of relief for me to have a backup plan that would resemble an accidental death. Then I don't have to worry and can give life another shot.