They Say You Won't Come Back
by Breathe Carolina
This is going to be a lot of words, which isn't how this thread is used but I wanted to be verbose about it and get it out of my mind and I don't have anywhere else to put it.
From the first time I heard this song, everything about it spoke to me. Even now, I don't know what the intent or inspiration behind it was but interpretation has always been one of the most alluring aspects of art and for me the song hit home. From the very first line it captured the way I was living my life.
"What's another burned bridge?
Does it matter?
You weren't there, why do you care?
End the chapter
Loose talk is the enemy of laughter
Light up my cigarette and wait for disaster"
People come and go.
Nothing really matters.
Suspicious of everyone's intentions.
Blocking vulnerability.
Choosing escapism over opening up about anything.
Why worry about one raindrop after you've experienced a hailstorm?
But then I met someone. And she tried really hard to get to know me. And at the time I couldn't let her. There were things in my past I not only couldn't remember, but wasn't ready to remember. I didn't ever want to. I thought I'd never have to. All the things that happened to me I buried in the past and I was fine carrying on without going back. But she kept pushing and it would make me shut down or defensive.
"Back to the lake where I disposed of my body
Parts of me she is resurfacing
And I, I just don't understand
Why's she gotta talk so much
And I'm so tired of telling lies
Oh, I wanna go back
Rewind
From the hole where my heart used to be
Just believe me.
Don't go play by the water.
Don't go looking for answers."
I really believed that all the things that happened to me didn't have to matter. That I could just block it all out and maybe things would be fine. Why wasn't the present enough? What was there to gain from yesterday? And this part of the song captured how I felt about that perfectly.
"There's no use in bringing up the past
No need to see where I've been
We can find a silver lining
See the best in all the worst things"
You may have seen where this was going from the title, but all of this is underscored by the inescapable thought that what you've been through is too much. You're too damaged. You'll be judged, or pitied, or they won't care at all. Why would someone want to know that? Why would someone want to deal with that? But they don't know that it's too much until they know and it's too much. And they can't know until you dig up your own grave and show them the rot in the casket. And they don't know what that costs you.
Well I dug up my grave. I opened my casket. And then, the inevitable happened.
And I had to face my own remains before I was ready and my life spiraled.
And the song ends.
"Don't go play by the water
They say you won't come back
Don't go looking for answers
They say you won't come back
I tried to warn you
You didn't listen
They say you won't come back
Don't go, you won't come back"
The mystery was solved. She left, and didn't come back.
And I remembered things I didn't want to remember.
And the entire song is upbeat, lighthearted party music you dance to; it itself trying to escape from its own lyrics. Like me.
I got better, but I needed to hit rock bottom first. Still, this song always felt shocking accurate and I just needed to a place to yap about it. Thank you.