Help Mourning myself

[Cheffo]

I was injured and the quality of life is not worth it. So, I really want to leave and I am setting that up. But this was kind of sudden, I had never thought about suicide before. I mean, it was below the surface, but not something I had every seriously considered even through tough times.

But this is beyond what I can manage. All of the sudden I have to say goodbye to everyone, myself, the world. I am really an emotional dude, and I am middle aged, so it's funny. But I don't want to go out depressed. It sucks, I have friends, a house, good business, but I can't deal with the pain and disability.

I mean, if my body wasn't broke Id stay. Sure my brain is a little messed up (ADD, anxiety, ocd) but I could always find a way to go to the gym, take a walk, keep busy. But now it's too much. Probably the combination doesn't help, either way, I want out. My friends support me, even one of two family. I wish their was someone out there in a similar position I could communicate with.

Has anyone here been injured or have some sort of chronic health problem and intend to ctb? I was hoping not to be so alone in this while I await the right method. Thanks.

 

[Styg]

Hey, I'm right there with you my friend. I'm younger than you, only in my early twenties, but I've had my life completely torn apart by a chronic condition that is only continuing to worsen as the days go by. The gym used to be my sanctuary, but I can't do that anymore; nor can I find any meaningful distraction from media and the like. I really don't want to die; more than anything I want to live my life. Yet, with each new day, my hope is dwindling, and it seems like there's only one way out. I hate these kinds of thoughts, but it's hard not for them to consume your everyday life in such a situation. I know our circumstances are different, but I just want to say that I understand where you're coming from. Don't feel ashamed for having these thoughts; it's a perfectly normal reaction to an impossible situation. We're only human, and there's only so much we can face before we start to crumble.

If nothing else, I hope you find some comfort in this community: no doubt there are others who feel the same way that you and I do. I wish you well in your life, and I hope your pain can be eased in some way.

 

[Cheffo]

Hey, I'm right there with you my friend. I'm younger than you, only in my early twenties, but I've had my life completely torn apart by a chronic condition that is only continuing to worsen as the days go by. The gym used to be my sanctuary, but I can't do that anymore; nor can I find any meaningful distraction from media and the like. I really don't want to die; more than anything I want to live my life. Yet, with each new day, my hope is dwindling, and it seems like there's only one way out. I hate these kinds of thoughts, but it's hard not for them to consume your everyday life in such a situation. I know our circumstances are different, but I just want to say that I understand where you're coming from. Don't feel ashamed for having these thoughts; it's a perfectly normal reaction to an impossible situation. We're only human, and there's only so much we can face before we start to crumble.

If nothing else, I hope you find some comfort in this community: no doubt there are others who feel the same way that you and I do. I wish you well in your life, and I hope your pain can be eased in some way.

Sorry for you as well my friend. I loved the gym too. And walking around the park. So we are probably not that different, except mostly in age probably. My "injury" was from taking an anti-biotic, and getting a bad reaction, but the reaction keeps going for years, so its kind of like a chronic illness. Sometimes I call it an injury (like a chemical injury from the drug) sometimes an illness or condition.

I don't really feel ashamed of the thoughts so much as sadness to go. I am basically trying to make it easier on the future me. My friends are sticking by me, and will be with me if I choose to go, which is comforting. Thanks for the reply. Feel free to DM me, same for anyone else.