ThunderBringer
Paladin
- Feb 16, 2026
- 17
I'm so pathetic. I'm still mourning my last relationship. We dated for 4 years. I gave this woman everything I had and more. She asked the impossible and I delivered it to her on a silver platter. I told everyone about her, I dreamt of her all the time. She was neurodivergent and I researched so much about what she had so I could support her better. I was doing things I never thought I would. She was perfect to me and I loved her.
She cried to me one night about 2 years in saying that because I'm suicidal it makes her think I'm unreliable. That I'm not a safe option for her, which is true. I felt awful seeing her like that. I tried to get better, because sure I hate myself and want to die but a future with her might be worth living for eventually. So I went to therapy and got medicated. 'For me' but it was all for her.
We talked about my mental health, she knew how bad it was. She never did any research on depression, or BPD, or OCD despite my begging her to. That made me sad.
I could feel when she started to fall out of love. It was over the summer. I was so desperate to keep that from happening I bought her so many things. Trying to keep her happy so she'd ignore the fact that she didn't love me like that anymore. Spent so much money that I couldn't afford to spend, all of my own volition of course.
I started writing down all the times I made her smile and laugh. I would take pictures and slot them next to the date. I hoped that it was just a phase out relationship was going through and that one day I could show our kids these pictures and say "See, I did make her happy at some point."
I got into my depressive episode in college and I felt so ashamed and guilty about it that I had to tell someone that I wasn't doing well, I thought I could tell my girlfriend. I was very wrong. She typically coddled me. I suppose it was my fault for expecting comfort. She was very upset with me. Called me gross and said it was stupid of me not to be taking care of myself. She gave a half assed apology 16 hours afterwards, but the damage was already done. I knew it was coming to an end then.
The woman who knew me inside and out. My first love. My first everything. She didn't want to be with me. I tried so fucking hard for her. Harder than I've ever tried before. I really really did I swear. But I can't force anything. All I can do is let her go and learn to be okay with being friends.
She makes it seem like her and I were never a thing to her family and our friends. She's dating someone new now too, lovely person. As am I. She's happy. That's all I want at the end of the day.
I'm a pathetic loser who never lets anything go and that will be the death of me.
She cried to me one night about 2 years in saying that because I'm suicidal it makes her think I'm unreliable. That I'm not a safe option for her, which is true. I felt awful seeing her like that. I tried to get better, because sure I hate myself and want to die but a future with her might be worth living for eventually. So I went to therapy and got medicated. 'For me' but it was all for her.
We talked about my mental health, she knew how bad it was. She never did any research on depression, or BPD, or OCD despite my begging her to. That made me sad.
I could feel when she started to fall out of love. It was over the summer. I was so desperate to keep that from happening I bought her so many things. Trying to keep her happy so she'd ignore the fact that she didn't love me like that anymore. Spent so much money that I couldn't afford to spend, all of my own volition of course.
I started writing down all the times I made her smile and laugh. I would take pictures and slot them next to the date. I hoped that it was just a phase out relationship was going through and that one day I could show our kids these pictures and say "See, I did make her happy at some point."
I got into my depressive episode in college and I felt so ashamed and guilty about it that I had to tell someone that I wasn't doing well, I thought I could tell my girlfriend. I was very wrong. She typically coddled me. I suppose it was my fault for expecting comfort. She was very upset with me. Called me gross and said it was stupid of me not to be taking care of myself. She gave a half assed apology 16 hours afterwards, but the damage was already done. I knew it was coming to an end then.
The woman who knew me inside and out. My first love. My first everything. She didn't want to be with me. I tried so fucking hard for her. Harder than I've ever tried before. I really really did I swear. But I can't force anything. All I can do is let her go and learn to be okay with being friends.
She makes it seem like her and I were never a thing to her family and our friends. She's dating someone new now too, lovely person. As am I. She's happy. That's all I want at the end of the day.
I'm a pathetic loser who never lets anything go and that will be the death of me.
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