Venting Most of what I've done my entire life was driven by fear

[ultrasharpy123456]

I dropped out of community college out of fear. I didn't get a job out of fear. I didn't a drivers license out of fear. I'm trying to kill myself out of fear (and a mix of other things). I didn't stupid things and bad things (horrible things) out of fear. I lashed out at people out of fear.

I won't condone what I did but I'm just saying this is why I did what I did. If I had a normal brain I wouldn't have done those things. If I had self-control I wouldn't have done those things. If I didn't go through abuse and have trauma I most likely wouldn't have gone through those things. People don't understand that fear makes you do stupid things. When you're so afraid of getting yelled at by people or having people be mean or rude to you you tend to do things out of fear and that fear controls you.

And that fear turned into anger.

I don't feel it now but I'm not sure how long this feeling will last until it comes back. I usually have these internal struggles of rage and fear. My heart beats fast as I'm remembering all the awful things that happened to me. My head hurts. I stand looking at the mirror.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I can relate to that I missed out on my last teen years and my twenties because of fear of social situations and I also have a physical problem that made it even worse. But something about it which is true but doesn´t change anything it wasn´t our fault and if I speak for myself it´s not like I consciously thought in the situation that I was afraid but I knew situations which gave me or would give me too much anxiety/fear so I excluded myself and now I have wasted my youthful years.