Most disgusting thing you're willing to admit your mental state has made you do/ put you through

[RedHarlequin]

So if you're easily grossed out I'd maybe suggest you have a shot before reading this..
I don't have much shame left in me and if I make one person feel better about their depresses gross ways, I'll consider this my guift to humankind. Remember, it's not your fault, ppl who are healthy like to have a clean house and most even find pleasure in cleaning up, e.g.

For me, when I'm at the deep End , I can get quite creative and absolutely disregard the eww factor.
Thia is the latest- when Im really bad I have no energy to go to the bathroom.. like just the thought of going makes me want to kms.. I was hesitant to do this for years, but at some point started using a tray to pee in. In the beginning, things were swell.. I was religiously cleaning it, as the idea of pee laying around made me cringe. but as with every good new thing in life, it became casual and I started giving less and less fucks about the cleaning up. So after a bit of not cleaning, the used trays were gathering around the place at the peek of gross I think I got to 5 different trays. An end was put to this as I once drank from one of the bottles thinking it was water (I drink a lot of water, so the pee is almost without colour I can't tell). I opened the bottle and without thinking much started chugging took good 10 sec for me to realize that I've made a huge mistake. I remember standing there after I had washed my mouth with water thinking about bleaching my mouth or I have to live with this forever :D
Never peed anywhere but in the bathroom ever since.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I've gone about six months without a shower or bath before.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I've gone about six months without a shower or bath before.

Oh I would do that too, if the opportunity presented itself. I live together with my friend, and you can use him as an indicator of how much I need to shower. The moment he starts avoiding me my conscience makes me wash myself (but mostly using a bucket, soap). The noise, cold and changing water temperatures, plus the shampoos that I manage to drop in the shower every other time is just way too much :p
But I think I've gone a year w/o washing me teeth, just rinsing with water.
I told this to my dentist and he made the surprised pikatchu face, as I hadn't developed any cavities yet. My teeth is I think the only quality body part I have :D

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Oh I would do that too, if the opportunity presented itself. I live together with my friend, and you can use him as an indicator of how much I need to shower. The moment he starts avoiding me my conscience makes me wash myself (but mostly using a bucket, soap). The noise, cold and changing water temperatures, plus the shampoos that I manage to drop in the shower every other time is just way too much :p
But I think I've gone a year w/o washing me teeth, just rinsing with water.
I told this to my dentist and he made the surprised pikatchu face, as I hadn't developed any cavities yet. My teeth is I think the only quality body part I have :D

Oh, I can count on one hand the number of times I've brushed my teeth in my entire life.

 

[heavyeyes]

I've gone several months without showering, brushing my teeth, or even changing my clothes before. This was a couple years ago. Thankfully it's never gotten that bad again but yeah it was very gross lol

 

[RedHarlequin]

Oh, I can count on one hand the number of times I've brushed my teeth in my entire life.

Do you also have ok teeth? I honestly have started to think that toothpastes are a conspiracy.

 

[Hirokami]

My room looked like an episode of Hoarders at a point. Mountains of clothes laying all around, (mostly) empty food boxes, water bottles everywhere ... It had a smell that I could notice, but I never went beyond using some air freshener until I was in better spirits.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I've gone several months without showering, brushing my teeth, or even changing my clothes before. This was a couple years ago. Thankfully it's never gotten that bad again but yeah it was very gross lol

Its the worst on warm days when I have felt that moist feeling of armpits that haven't been washed for a week. Or putting your sweaty feel in a sandal. Jesus.

I felt that like it happened yesterday. Sorry for the visuals/feel. I had to..

Also, as I was younger and hadn't realized the life truth- if you can smell yourself a little others can smell you a lot.. just thinking I can go to the store quick to buy smth and nobody would notice I hadn't showered. And then realizing that everyone at the line have distanced themselves from you for about 2x more as from the others. This has probably been the worse feel..

 

[torotoro.inoue]

Went almost 3 months without showering, brushing my teeth or washing my hair. Didn't even do my laundry half of the time and I just sprayed a bunch of deodorant so I didn't smell bad when I'm in public. My room was also filled with rubbish bags that I was too tired to throw away, I did throw them out eventually. Now at least I shower once a day, but it's almost useless because I live in a hot country and I end up sweating anyway

My room looked like an episode of Hoarders at a point. Mountains of clothes laying all around, (mostly) empty food boxes, water bottles everywhere ... It had a smell that I could notice, but I never went beyond using some air freshener until I was in better spirits.

My room was also like that, filled with empty mineral water bottles and lots of plastic bags filled with rubbish and unwashed clothes everywhere

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Do you also have ok teeth? I honestly have started to think that toothpastes are a conspiracy.

I had two wisdom teeth removed because they were impacted, but that has nothing to do with oral hygiene. I had one molar removed ~7 years ago due to a deep cavity--the government wouldn't pay for a root canal, but would pay to have it yanked without sedation, so that's what happened. Otherwise no issues.

 

[sulli]

dude... i accidentally drank from a bottle i'd peed in bc of my mental state too i woke up in the middle of the night dehydrated, it only took a split second for me to realize water shouldn't be that salty but that was already too long
i also rarely brush my teeth honestly
my real answer would probably be when i was purging regularly into plastic bags and i would just leave them on my half exposed mattress, my room was completely disgusting overall and my sheet was only half covering the bed bc i couldn't gather the strength to clean up enough to make the bed. so of course it would seep out of the bags, leaving a toxic wasteland on the mattress... having to desperate exterminate a whole ecosystem of maggots from my bed was my wake up call. my room's still not good, but i've never let it get that bad again

 

[RedHarlequin]

dude... i accidentally drank from a bottle i'd peed in bc of my mental state too i woke up in the middle of the night dehydrated, it only took a split second for me to realize water shouldn't be that salty but that was already too long

i also rarely brush my teeth honestly
my real answer would probably be when i was purging regularly into plastic bags and i would just leave them on my half exposed mattress, my room was completely disgusting overall and my sheet was only half covering the bed bc i couldn't gather the strength to clean up enough to make the bed. so of course it would seep out of the bags, leaving a toxic wasteland on the mattress... having to desperate extermi

dude... i accidentally drank from a bottle i'd peed in bc of my mental state too i woke up in the middle of the night dehydrated, it only took a split second for me to realize water shouldn't be that salty but that was already too long
i also rarely brush my teeth honestly
my real answer would probably be when i was purging regularly into plastic bags and i would just leave them on my half exposed mattress, my room was completely disgusting overall and my sheet was only half covering the bed bc i couldn't gather the strength to clean up enough to make the bed. so of course it would seep out of the bags, leaving a toxic wasteland on the mattress... having to desperate exterminate a whole ecosystem of maggots from my bed was my wake up call. my room's still not good, but i've never let it get that bad again

Great minds fail alike :p but this made me laugh and I feel much more human after reading Im not the only person on the planet who's experienced this!

Thank you

 

[charlotte_]

Lmao, I guess we have a kind of similar situation. I was also too lazy to go to the bathroom, that I just peed on my bed or on the floor instead. The smell and the wet sheets were horrible but I couldn't care enough to do anything about it. I didn't even care about changing the sheets or wiping the floor either, just leave them there and get used to it

 

[RedHarlequin]

Lmao, I guess we have a kind of similar situation. I was also too lazy to go to the bathroom, that I just peed on my bed or on the floor instead. The smell and the wet sheets were horrible but I couldn't care enough to do anything about it. I didn't even care about changing the sheets or wiping the floor either, just leave them there and get used to it

That must have been an extreme state of suffering.. I hope your doing mindestsms a bit better now!

There are 4 languages swimming inmy brain..not really fighting but ready to debut when the model is right. I don't have a computer, only the one in living room, wrere I rarely check out things like bus schedules if the phone schedule is acting up...

 

[lionetta12]

So if you're easily grossed out I'd maybe suggest you have a shot before reading this..
I don't have much shame left in me and if I make one person feel better about their depresses gross ways, I'll consider this my guift to humankind. Remember, it's not your fault, ppl who are healthy like to have a clean house and most even find pleasure in cleaning up, e.g.

For me, when I'm at the deep End , I can get quite creative and absolutely disregard the eww factor.
Thia is the latest- when Im really bad I have no energy to go to the bathroom.. like just the thought of going makes me want to kms.. I was hesitant to do this for years, but at some point started using a tray to pee in. In the beginning, things were swell.. I was religiously cleaning it, as the idea of pee laying around made me cringe. but as with every good new thing in life, it became casual and I started giving less and less fucks about the cleaning up. So after a bit of not cleaning, the used trays were gathering around the place at the peek of gross I think I got to 5 different trays. An end was put to this as I once drank from one of the bottles thinking it was water (I drink a lot of water, so the pee is almost without colour I can't tell). I opened the bottle and without thinking much started chugging took good 10 sec for me to realize that I've made a huge mistake. I remember standing there after I had washed my mouth with water thinking about bleaching my mouth or I have to live with this forever :D
Never peed anywhere but in the bathroom ever since.

I let guys who have narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies take advantage of and abuse me because of my PTSD since I believe I don't think I deserve anyone better when I actually do. I feel guilt when someone is being nice to me and that I don't deserve anything good so I get stuck in abusive trauma bonded loops with horrible people.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I have bouts of not brushing my teeth, but I have almost the opposite of a reaction when it comes to showering/feeling clean. If I don't smell good or haven't showered in a day or two, I have to shower. I have to smell good or it will make me freak the fuck out.

When I was little my mom used to only let us shower a few times a week because we were poor (kept the water bill low) & I used to get comments on how I smelled in school, & so now if someone comments on a bad smell or I notice a bad smell, all I can think about is showering. I have bouts of really bad days where I've showered like four times because I'm so terrified of smelling bad, yet with my teeth, it's different. My teeth have always had issues since I was little & I guess I just don't care much about them, as long as my breath smells okay, I'm okay with it. I use so many sprays, lotion, deodorants, etc. When I'm in the shower or a bath I don't want to leave sometimes. It's very strange, & I've tried getting on a regular routine with brushing my teeth, but when my depression gets bad I stop caring again, but I'll also start showering too frequently (makes my skin dry as fuck sometimes).

When it comes to going to the bathroom, I tend to just hold it til I have to book it to a toilet, idk why, but I do. When I had long hair I didn't brush it & it would get matted real bad sometimes, it's a main reason why I chopped it all off, but I'm growing it back out & I'm worried it'll get matter again when I have another depressive episode.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

before i had top surgery (mastectomy, im a trans man) i wore binders, which compress your "chest" to give u the appearance of a flat chest. they are very tight, hard to breathe in, and should only be worn for a maximum of eight hours and never during physical activity. because my gender dysphoria caused a lot of my depression, i wore my binder 24/7 until i had a shower, when i would change it for a clean one. being depressed made showering regularly difficult obviously, but coupled with my disgust and hatred for my body i showered roughly once every four months. binders can stink after eight hours; after four months they were rancid, and no amount of washing could lift the smell and stains off of them. granted i had very cheap and shitty binders at the time. but all of that was nothing compared to the damage i did to my ribs and posture, as well as nearly ruining my chances of getting top surgery. i dont wanna be preachy, but if theres anyone that binds reading this, please take care. improper binding can fuck u up. <3

 

[RedHarlequin]

before i had top surgery (mastectomy, im a trans man) i wore binders, which compress your "chest" to give u the appearance of a flat chest. they are very tight, hard to breathe in, and should only be worn for a maximum of eight hours and never during physical activity. because my gender dysphoria caused a lot of my depression, i wore my binder 24/7 until i had a shower, when i would change it for a clean one. being depressed made showering regularly difficult obviously, but coupled with my disgust and hatred for my body i showered roughly once every four months. binders can stink after eight hours; after four months they were rancid, and no amount of washing could lift the smell and stains off of them. granted i had very cheap and shitty binders at the time. but all of that was nothing compared to the damage i did to my ribs and posture, as well as nearly ruining my chances of getting top surgery. i dont wanna be preachy, but if theres anyone that binds reading this, please take care. improper binding can fuck u up. <3

That sounds like an awful experience to have gone through.

Not the same, but probably much grosser than the thing I posted before- as I was going through a period of extreme anxiety for months, I was drinking a lot (like two bottles of vodka every day),to get through till the time my treatment was planned. So I was pretty much always drunk out of my mind. I'm not going into too much detail here, but let me just say that as one of my periods ended, I found a surprise tampon in my vajayjay. I have to say though that I was pretty disappointed I'm my life skills at that point and my alcohol consumption dropped :D

 

[cgrtt.brns]

That sounds like an awful experience to have gone through.

Not the same, but probably much grosser than the thing I posted before- as I was going through a period of extreme anxiety for months, I was drinking a lot (like two bottles of vodka every day),to get through till the time my treatment was planned. So I was pretty much always drunk out of my mind. I'm not going into too much detail here, but let me just say that as one of my periods ended, I found a surprise tampon in my vajayjay. I have to say though that I was pretty disappointed I'm my life skills at that point and my alcohol consumption dropped :D

omg i am so fucking glad i dont have periods anymore. i was so bad at hygiene when it came to that, bc depression and also it being a violent reminder of my gender dysphoria every month. i never used tampons cuz i felt like they wouldve just been an awful experience for me, but smelling like a rotten corpse bc of pads and not having the energy to change them regularly fuckin hell it was a nightmare. and having to wear the giant incontinence-pants-like pads bc i had such a heavy flow >~< if i still had periods and started using tampons i just know it wouldntve taken long for me to go into toxic shock from not changing it. i have so much respect for ppl that just deal with periods as if theyre not a horrific traumatising experience every single month.

 

[RedHarlequin]

omg i am so fucking glad i dont have periods anymore. i was so bad at hygiene when it came to that, bc depression and also it being a violent reminder of my gender dysphoria every month. i never used tampons cuz i felt like they wouldve just been an awful experience for me, but smelling like a rotten corpse bc of pads and not having the energy to change them regularly fuckin hell it was a nightmare. and having to wear the giant incontinence-pants-like pads bc i had such a heavy flow >~< if i still had periods and started using tampons i just know it wouldntve taken long for me to go into toxic

shock from not changing it. i have so much respect for ppl that just deal with periods as if theyre not a horrific traumatising experience every single month.

Not having periods sounds divine. My periods can get intense . The amount of blood is impressive, really. Like I know the argument that nobody likes blood so I'm overexaggerating but I've had experiences where I change pad and put in tampon at the same time, sit down and when I stand up 20min later have that Niagara Waterfalls feeling :D Id say I eat enough stuff with iron, but I'm always almost lightly anaemic when I go for blood tests.
Whish there was a thing like suicide by period

omg i am so fucking glad i dont have periods anymore. i was so bad at hygiene when it came to that, bc depression and also it being a violent reminder of my gender dysphoria every month. i never used tampons cuz i felt like they wouldve just been an awful experience for me, but smelling like a rotten corpse bc of pads and not having the energy to change them regularly fuckin hell it was a nightmare. and having to wear the giant incontinence-pants-like pads bc i had such a heavy flow >~< if i still had periods and started using tampons i just know it wouldntve taken long for me to go into toxic shock from not changing it. i have so much respect for ppl that just deal with periods as if theyre not a horrific traumatising experience every single month.

Yes yes the heavy flow sucks so bad. It's almost like a disability, I don't go on trips and such while on my period. What's the point, I'll just be nervous about staining some white hotel couch

 

[cgrtt.brns]

legit! i never fucking believed anyone when they said "you only bleed a tablespoon every month!" fuck off im leaking buckets over here idk how big your tablespoon is but mines the size of a bathtub

 

[RedHarlequin]

The being able to deal with is I would compare to being called into a war as a soldier. There's nothing you can do about it, so you just shell shock and go into denial :D

legit! i never fucking believed anyone when they said "you only bleed a tablespoon every month!" fuck off im leaking buckets over here idk how big your tablespoon is but mines the size of a bathtub

Right? The worst is not reading this at some forum but when someone like mom/ friend or gym tries to convince you that it's not that bad.
Like wtf? next time I'm having one I'm just doing it in your bed, it will look like that horse scene from the godfather.
Gyn not Gym haha, you must have thought this girl is going to some weird gyms :D

 

[axxxu]

Not sure if this counts as 'disgusting' considering I can't really pee in bottles or hoard things since I still live with my parents, they'd never let me do that.

Though once I had to get my passport renewal, and three days before I spent two days laying in bed, not on my phone but just on my bed, not getting up to eat, or use the bathroom, just drifting in and out of sleep like I was dead. My parents didn't think much about it because after a while it became clear that I wouldn't get up. After two whole days after not eating or drinking I went to the government office and I had to wait more than one hour in the summer heat outside. I ended up passing out.

 

[heavyeyes]

Its the worst on warm days when I have felt that moist feeling of armpits that haven't been washed for a week. Or putting your sweaty feel in a sandal. Jesus.

I felt that like it happened yesterday. Sorry for the visuals/feel. I had to..

Also, as I was younger and hadn't realized the life truth- if you can smell yourself a little others can smell you a lot.. just thinking I can go to the store quick to buy smth and nobody would notice I hadn't showered. And then realizing that everyone at the line have distanced themselves from you for about 2x more as from the others. This has probably been the worse feel..

Yes sweaty armpits are the worst especially during the summer months. Luckily my feet hardly ever sweat. That would be pretty terrible. I can't even stand to wear wet socks.

Oh I didn't realize that when I was younger also. It's kind of embarrassing now that I think about it.

I don't think anyone should be shamed for not being able to take care of themselves or for only being capable of doing the bare minimum. We're all just trying our best here you know?

 

[RedHarlequin]

Yes sweaty armpits are the worst especially during the summer months. Luckily my feet hardly ever sweat. That would be pretty terrible. I can't even stand to wear wet socks.

Oh I didn't realize that when I was younger also. It's kind of embarrassing now that I think about it.

Yes, let's not think about it! Everybody thinks and does embarrassing stuff when they're young. We could ask any person, and unless they're lying they will all have memories of extreme embarrassment:)

 

[Rairii]

Eating food out of the trash, like digging through it not it just being on the top. I'd do this so much, to the point where I started to have to pour bleach all over any food I threw as a way to stop me. This was me deep in my ED but that was caused by my PTSD and depression. depressing and gross to think about, definitely not a proud moment for me. Now I can't say the other gross stuff I did out of depression, too embarrassing.

 

[justanotherloser]

This is easy for me to answer. Sex work.
I figured if guys were lying and forcing me to have it with them, i might as well get something out of it. Made good money for a while.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Selling my body to undesirable people would be number one on my list I think. Granted it helps me eat, Its probably the lowest I've been.

 

[iamalreadydead]

My room gets really nasty obviously, all the classic hygiene problems etc

Most of my really disgusting behavior comes from my eating disorder though. I dig through my trash for thrown out food just to scarf them down after giving into a binge urge. I eat off the floor if I drop the food I weigh out to a T.

Dunno if it counts but I find masturbation gross and uncomfortable and fucking disgusting but I do it a lot if I'm depressed

 

[sick.faery]

- i've not showered once for almost three weeks... (to be fair though no one was around me and i never went outside)
- at some point i had a hard time brushing my teeth and would only do it when i had energy or had to see someoe/go outside (which was never)
- went long periods of time without washing my face
- at one point kept the same sheets for 6 months
- one time i didnt brush my hair for 3 months (didnt ever step in public though or see anyone though)
- whored myself out for self harm when i was a teen
- didnt do dishes for two months
- had a mount of trash next to my bed that stayed there for 2 months
- chew and spit food
- purge food