I've been feeling more depressed than normal the last few days and without any major reason other than my baseline reasons for being suicidal.
I need to be able to focus at work so I can have *any* chance of getting the future I want but everything feels so pointless today.
I had a cycle of IUI two weeks ago and tomorrow is the blood test that is supposed to tell me if I'm pregnant or not. I've been taking those cheap strip tests every day and they're all negative so my hopes aren't high.
If I end up living, I want a baby. If I end up dying, I want my wife to have a baby so she isn't alone. She banked sperm twenty years ago and this is the least I can do for her. I know it's wrong to bring a baby into the world if I'm not going to stick around for it, but I don't care.
A friend of mine just confessed that she's suicidal too. She has very right to be given that she's been rejected by just about everyone in her life and she keeps getting fired and screwed over by sociopathic bosses and coworkers. But she's actually in a position where she can get justice--but the process has been taking years and it's torturing her. I told her to hold on until it's over. Some of the people who screwed her over are the same ones who ruined my life so I have a lot invested in this.
I need to be able to focus at work so I can have *any* chance of getting the future I want but everything feels so pointless today.
I had a cycle of IUI two weeks ago and tomorrow is the blood test that is supposed to tell me if I'm pregnant or not. I've been taking those cheap strip tests every day and they're all negative so my hopes aren't high.
If I end up living, I want a baby. If I end up dying, I want my wife to have a baby so she isn't alone. She banked sperm twenty years ago and this is the least I can do for her. I know it's wrong to bring a baby into the world if I'm not going to stick around for it, but I don't care.
A friend of mine just confessed that she's suicidal too. She has very right to be given that she's been rejected by just about everyone in her life and she keeps getting fired and screwed over by sociopathic bosses and coworkers. But she's actually in a position where she can get justice--but the process has been taking years and it's torturing her. I told her to hold on until it's over. Some of the people who screwed her over are the same ones who ruined my life so I have a lot invested in this.
