Venting Money is the greatest cause of my suicidal urges.

[GWAI]

I used to talk to 988/suicide hotline operator but found it useless.

I was awake over 24 hours because I guess my mind has a mental illness over money and spending

My situation is bad
No family or friends

I made a couple mistakes in my life
I'm applying for jobs every single day, I have a side hustle I'm currently doing

It's close to 48 hours I've been awake at this point, my brain is mentally in a weird state

I felt guilty for buying 3 dollar bread near me
I guess I just stopped caring about meals and having a proper meal

I don't know how to cook
For the past months it's been cheap Walmart groceries

I could take the bus to get groceries at Walmart and it would be cheap
But I wouldn't want to do it because I didn't feel like I earned it

I don't even internally feel I deserved the 3 dollar bread

I feel like I'm losing my mind because the reason I'm just like starving myself and staying up for Long hours and I was actually trying to do a productive thing last night is money

I'm losing my mind
But I want to push for some reason
I'll apply to more jobs as I do everyday
But I just want to work on my side hustle more
And I made 5 figures in it and lost it all

It's the malnutrition and not eating that is destroying my mind

It's like my body feels hot and my brain feels stretched
It's like something is pumping my brain
That's the physical sensation I feel

I'm staying up because I want money
I literally want a job even if I know I'll hate actually doing the job

Because I was scared of going homeless and even watching homeless people experiences
It's like if you don't have money you're cucked from the world like you're forced to basically eat from a trash can if you don't have money and society doesn't care

I care about money more than my isolation, as in it affects me more than even not being in contact with my parents

I feel as if I lost my mind
And it's nicotine withdrawal maybe
Because I use nicotine gum to cope
And I haven't bought nicotine gum because I don't want to go to Walmart because taking the bus to Walmart feels like wasting time in my brain

I'm probably losing it

I don't believe I'll die from ctb necessarily, my paranoia has it that I'll die from exhaustion but I read from the non methods that dying from not eating food is very unlikely


I literally have no friends and I'm probably going to drink coffee to force myself to stay up longer I guess

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Oh god I can imagine what you are going through. I'm literally on the other side of the spectrum. I live in a country where there's a floor because of strong social welfare. It's an upper students lifestyle but that's the floor... And I still plan to CBT. Even if I won the lottery and had perfect health id CTB...

Get in touch with any social worker you can. Get a life plan and activate all support networks you can from friends and family. Exhaust all your options first (forget shame and guilt, suicide is the ultimate full stop)

For myself I was looking at homelessness. Family stepped in so fast but I understand not everyone has that privilege or the citizenship to go back to a country of family origin (Switzerland... Where my misfortune has sadly followed) with one of the highest living standards on earth.

South Africa the job market was hell. My family were struggling to support and my life was going nowhere... 3 more attempts followed... Dead end. Discover Switzerland has reintegration welfare which I'm on currently. But now I'm essentially a foreigner in my own country unable to speak the language and it's the romantic isolation that's destroying me now. It's like survive one thing. Climb one mountain to financial stability only to get to the top and see another higher mountain to climb.

How are you keeping currently?

 

[GWAI]

Oh god I can imagine what you are going through. I'm literally on the other side of the spectrum. I live in a country where there's a floor because of strong social welfare. It's an upper students lifestyle but that's the floor... And I still plan to CBT. Even if I won the lottery and had perfect health id CTB...

Get in touch with any social worker you can. Get a life plan and activate all support networks you can from friends and family. Exhaust all your options first (forget shame and guilt, suicide is the ultimate full stop)

For myself I was looking at homelessness. Family stepped in so fast but I understand not everyone has that privilege or the citizenship to go back to a country of family origin (Switzerland... Where my misfortune has sadly followed) with one of the highest living standards on earth.

South Africa the job market was hell. My family were struggling to support and my life was going nowhere... 3 more attempts followed... Dead end. Discover Switzerland has reintegration welfare which I'm on currently. But now I'm essentially a foreigner in my own country unable to speak the language and it's the romantic isolation that's destroying me now. It's like survive one thing. Climb one mountain to financial stability only to get to the top and see another higher mountain to climb.

How are you keeping currently?

My case is different. I believe the reason I'm suicidal is because of circumstances, not brain chemistry. I'm a virgin, poor, near homeless, lost all my money, isolated. That's why I want to die.

I don't have any friends or family. That's not hyperbole. That's my literal reality. I can't afford a social worker

Terrible obviously.

In this state where I have no motivation to keep going, I'm going to go to Walmart and buy nicotine gum. 105 gums for 14 bucks. I'll probably just take 5 nicotine gums and apply to more jobs.


At this point, I don't care if I live or die. I've had enough hell.

I want to die. I just plan like Erwin I guess to keep moving forwards until I die.

I'll get nicotine then apply to more jobs; as of now I want to die, I'm just moving forwards based off will. When I get the nicotine I'll feel better

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

My case is different. I believe the reason I'm suicidal is because of circumstances, not brain chemistry. I'm a virgin, poor, near homeless, lost all my money, isolated. That's why I want to die.

I don't have any friends or family. That's not hyperbole. That's my literal reality. I can't afford a social worker

Terrible obviously.

In this state where I have no motivation to keep going, I'm going to go to Walmart and buy nicotine gum. 105 gums for 14 bucks. I'll probably just take 5 nicotine gums and apply to more jobs.


At this point, I don't care if I live or die. I've had enough hell.

I want to die. I just plan like Erwin I guess to keep moving forwards until I die.

I'll get nicotine then apply to more jobs; as of now I want to die, I'm just moving forwards based off will. When I get the nicotine I'll feel better

Social workers are supposed to be free. I'm living on welfare currently until I find work. Unfortunately I'm in a place that doesn't speak English so I have to learn french.

Have you spoken to AI and asked it where you can go for help? AI literally told me where to go and what I legally qualify for which is the only reason I managed to get social welfare and a social worker. Ask AI which states have the best welfare perhaps. Switzerland I get like converted to USD (UP TO) $3200 in benefits (allowance, rent, medical insurance) per month. (And I'm still suicidal ... Like... Flatmates (1 a doctor the other a paramedic so definitely wouldn't try CTB here (Also I wouldn't want to trumatise them as they are good people)... Few friends... No financial concerns... And I'm still messaging it up wanting to die... Like... How do you fail with this much privilege?

Regarding the loneliness. I know it's cringe. But seriously. Join a munch. (I have, was an excellent decision for me) You don't get a better extended family than that. And some might even have connections for work.

Seriously what you got to lose?

 

[GWAI]

Social workers are supposed to be free. I'm living on welfare currently until I find work. Unfortunately I'm in a place that doesn't speak English so I have to learn french.

Have you spoken to AI and asked it where you can go for help? AI literally told me where to go and what I legally qualify for which is the only reason I managed to get social welfare and a social worker. Ask AI which states have the best welfare perhaps. Switzerland I get like converted to USD (UP TO) $3200 in benefits (allowance, rent, medical insurance) per month. (And I'm still suicidal ... Like... Flatmates (1 a doctor the other a paramedic so definitely wouldn't try CTB here (Also I wouldn't want to trumatise them as they are good people)... Few friends... No financial concerns... And I'm still messaging it up wanting to die... Like... How do you fail with this much privilege?

Regarding the loneliness. I know it's cringe. But seriously. Join a munch. (I have, was an excellent decision for me) You don't get a better extended family than that. And some might even have connections for work.

Seriously what you got to lose?

I use ai a lot

Ironically I was cooking with making ai ads but my mental state destroyed me
I looked up munch, im not into that type of stuff; I have an anime pfp and -cel- so it's obvious why kek
I can check it out
rn im still applying to wagie jobs

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

I use ai a lot

Ironically I was cooking with making ai ads but my mental state destroyed me
I looked up munch, im not into that type of stuff; I have an anime pfp and -cel- so it's obvious why kek
I can check it out
rn im still applying to wagie jobs

Actually a munch people don't discuss that stuff often. It's more just a really really open community where you can speak about pretty much anything and that's the point.

 

[GWAI]

Actually a munch people don't discuss that stuff often. It's more just a really really open community where you can speak about pretty much anything and that's the point.

I wouldn't really fit in there but thanks for your suggestions