In a constant state of confusion
Apr 3, 2020
Mom freaked out and was like: "I have enough problems already." "You're sick." "You're just doing it for attention.", etc. Since every time I've tried to talk to her about my problems she's been judgemental immediately, I just kept quiet.

But she keeps forcing me to talk about it, saying she's worried and wants to help. Altough I've told her that talking to someone who doesn't understand only makes things worse. When I give obvious signs I want to be left alone, she gets even more mad at me for staying silent. When I move away and curve myself into a ball under my blanket, she moves closer and tries to hug me,...

I feel bad for ignoring her and I'm glad she cares about me but I have a right to stay silent, especially being confronted with her judgemental, ignorant bullshit. She always gets mad and makes it all about her and tries to dismiss my problems. It feels like an interrogation or being treated like a child that painted on the walls. I don't blame her, she's been through shit aswell and doesn't know how to deal with it, but I dunno...feelsbadman


Miss the full ability to think
Apr 24, 2020
Sorry that this happened to you but I would suggest that you don't ignore your mother. She is there for you and she loves you.


Check in on your happy friend
Nov 10, 2020
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Not having support from people around you and immediate can feel so isolating.

Your situation with your mum sounds similar to that of me and my dad. There's still so much I don't know about your stories, but in my case, for me and my dad to be able to talk about things, we needed to set some ground rules. I'm not exactly sure how old you are (hopefully above 18), but you are an adult, same as your mum, so in conversations, especially during moments of crisis, although she can talk from a mother's perspective, you need to make sure that you are being talked to and respected as a grown-up as well.

When I move away and curve myself into a ball under my blanket, she moves closer and tries to hug me,...
This kind of moment seems like a perfect opportunity for a heartfelt and transparent conversation, I think. But other than that, you were right to take yourself out of the situation. Yes, she went through things, but so did you. There's no point in comparing sufferings, as well as happiness.

At the end of the day, everyone's situation is different, but I think your mum does care (I'm not sure how much though). There's nothing wrong with ignoring her when you're not in the mindset for heated arguments, just make sure to take the opportunity when things die down a bit and both of you are in a good enough headspace to talk. Wish you lucks! :heart: :hug:


Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
I personally think your mom has difficulty/inability in recognizing, let alone respecting, boundaries and autonomy.

If curling up in a ball under a blanket doesn't signal "back off, don't touch," I don't know what does.

I think she interprets what you do to yourself or for yourself or in your own separate-from-her life as being done to her. There's just really no getting through to someone who's stuck in such a mode. I tried for 49 years. It's like they've got their own protective blanket against reality and reason. They can't control their emotions or responses, so they try to control the person they're reacting to. It fucking sucks.

You do have the option to say "It's not open for discussion" and repeat it like a broken record, no matter the bait, including emotional blackmail, threats, etc. Just a gray rock with the same repeated response. Her onslaughts will lose power with you, which will take away more and more power from her.
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Jan 27, 2020
I don’t post much but I decided to write this down for you.
Since you are living at home, I’m just going to assume you are on the younger side. Check my profile and see I‘m not the longest member here but I’ve been here for a while. So trust me when I say, having someone, anyone who worries about you, is a pleasure to many people here. I wish everyday I can build a better relationship with my parents but it’s kind of late now.
I don’t know what happened to you but I, myself had many traumatic experiences when I was younger and that led to years of struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts (almost caught the bus earlier this year). But my family wouldn’t care less as they are part of the population who think depression is fake. I think many things would have gotten differently if I could get some help when I was younger.
It is super annoying when someone tries to reach out and pretend they know what it feels like because most of time they really don’t. But years later when I’m older I finally realized “people will never understand if you don’t tell them”. Unless if you don’t want them to understand.
The truth is even when they try, they still might not understand. But the act of telling them, us trying to communicate, taking the first step, is a way for us to find many answers inside ourselves. So I would suggest don’t give up yet, you are in the worst (but also possibly the best) years. Wait till you are an adult and having to pay for the thousands of dollars your backyard tree cost when it got knocks down by wind and broke a stop sign (just happened to me this morning and which is why I’m for the forum again).
Anyways, thought I might add my two cents here. Life doesn’t get much better but it does sometimes so give it a try first.