Mixed a glass of sn

[lionetta12]

Thank you. I always feel ashamed about feeling like this. This is the only place I can pour those feelings out. I dont have any friends really because I'm so introverted. My emotions are worse in the mornings. I am definitely teetering on the edge. If I had more time alone I would have drank it. Im tired of the constant thoughts of death. I can't control them and they are 24/7. I know I'm not s stupid but I can't help feel that way. Stupid, ashamed and embarrassed. Im so exhausted and have no motivation. Just going to sleep forever sounds so good right now. At 45 I feel like my life is pretty much coming to a close. Thanks for putting up with my posts. It's nice when I'm not judged. I've given up

It's completely fine to vent on here and to talk about what you are feeling and going through. We won't judge you, let it all out if you feel like it whenever. Hope you feel a little better now. The worst thing you can do is try to CTB whilst in a irrational state since it can increase the risk of failure and permanent damage, don't want you to end up experiencing that.

 

[Idontmatter]

Im still going to ctb, just have to do some planning and will be getting a hotel room. I want to do it soon to get relief. I just hope my family doesn't hate me for doing it. I'll be 46 in October and I honestly don't expect to see that birthday. All the people that I've chatted regularly with on here are now dead, with the exception of one. He has been beyond patient letting me vent. I don't want to die, it's just my only option. I can't keep costing my family money with my issues. I would love to know what it feels like to actually relax.

 

[Jrmull1993]

Im still going to ctb, just have to do some planning and will be getting a hotel room.

I'll be 46 in October and I honestly don't expect to see that birthday.

I'm glad you didn't act in the heat of the moment.

Crafting my exit plan was the biggest anxiety reliever in my life. I suggest you don't book a hotel nor pick an "Exit date" until you've put together your plan.

Having a deadline for this can cause distress and can lead to a rushed plan.

You'll know immediately once you have a solid and well thought out plan, as it will feel like a million pounds has been lifted off your shoulder. Once this occurs, than you are ready to pick your date.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm glad you didn't act in the heat of the moment.

Crafting my exit plan was the biggest anxiety reliever in my life. I suggest you don't book a hotel nor pick an "Exit date" until you've put together your plan.

Having a deadline for this can cause distress and can lead to a rushed plan.

You'll know immediately once you have a solid and well thought out plan, as it will feel like a million pounds has been lifted off your shoulder. Once this occurs, than you are ready to pick your date.

I'm considering this morning a test run with mixing the sn.. lol

 

[Jrmull1993]

I'm considering this morning a test run with mixing the sn.. lol

That's the right attitude! Glad to hear!!

 

[Idontmatter]

That's the right attitude! Glad to hear!!

I'm hoping I can get it down since I've read it's really salty.

 

[starryeyedgemini]

Honestly please done beat yourself up about this. Even when we are in our darkest moments CTB is still a very difficult thing to do (i know this from 2 failed attempts) . Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to figure out it this is the only option. Thinking of you

 

[Jrmull1993]

I'm hoping I can get it down since I've read it's really salty.

There are a large amount of goodbye threads on here where the users typically state it was salty, but don't seem to mention it being overwhelming, or excessively intense.

There are always powdered medicational flavorings you can buy and mix right in if the taste has you nervous.

If you still have the SN, or the cup with residue, you can always dip the tip of your tongue in it to sample the intensity. That amount will do no harm.

 

[Teddybear]

If you feel uncertain about it then that's nature telling you "Don't do it!"

Death is the one thing devoid of uncertainty and you should only call for it, if you are in the same determined state of mind.

For the grim reaper knows no doubt and has no second thoughts.

Wanting to go on living for yet another day is nothing to be ashamed off. You can always come back and look at that glass another time.