Mitigating the effects on loved ones

[SandMan90]

I have come to the slow realisation that I cause more damage than good in this world. I've tried councilling, changes of environment. I've tried..it feels like everything. I'm so broken. And it's nothing that can be fixed. I know I'm a burden on loved ones. It's a very logical thing for me to just eliminate myself from the equation. I am in pain all of the time. If it was physical pain it would be more accepted that I would want to make it stop. But for me, it's the same.
What I am trying to figure out is, how I can lessen the pain for those that are unfortunate to love me? The thought that I can make this pain stop, is so comforting. The thought of hurting others, even though in the long run lives would be easier, is what holds me back. I just want to figure out how to not make them hurt, too.

 

[catflowers]

to be fair when kurt cobain killed himself the band had to split and dave grohl had to make another one
it will always matter

 

[jodes2]

Some people tell me harm than good but I'm quite open to talking about my suicidal thoughts rather than let them learn when it's too late

 

[SandMan90]

Some people tell me harm than good but I'm quite open to talking about my suicidal thoughts rather than let them learn when it's too late

Hi Jodes. Thank you for replying. I feel like, if I told someone how I feel, and then I do this, they would feel so much more guilty and feelings of 'why didn't I do something?' etc

 

[jodes2]

Hi Jodes. Thank you for replying. I feel like, if I told someone how I feel, and then I do this, they would feel so much more guilty and feelings of 'why didn't I do something?' etc

But people grieving over suicide often say they wish they could have done something if only they'd known something was wrong. Then there's all the unanswered questions they'd have. No chance to say goodbye either

 

[chloramine]

Hi Jodes. Thank you for replying. I feel like, if I told someone how I feel, and then I do this, they would feel so much more guilty and feelings of 'why didn't I do something?' etc

I think they'll feel some version of that regardless. It really sucks, but we don't have ways to make it not hurt others. Notes can help mitigate to an extent (how the note is written affects how much), but nothing is going to make it not hurt. I know it's hard, I'm sorry there aren't easier answers.

 

[SexyIncél]

Maybe make some art for them. If you somehow can. Especially for the younger ones. Stories, pictures, etc. They'll cherish them

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that I would probably write a suicide note. It might not exactly ease their pain but it may give them some closure if they have some sort of explanation. It's better than leaving nothing in my opinion. It does sound like a difficult situation to be in and I also find the thought of death to be comforting. It's understandable wanting to escape all the suffering but I get that it's hard when you are leaving others behind. Best wishes.

 

[SandMan90]

Thank you so much for your honesty. I think I'm looking for some magical way that just doesn't exist. Reading replies here it seems like it's more damage limitation, and making my reasons understood as well as possible.

 

[theboy]

The suicide note is the only thing we can do to mitigate the pain we leave around us.

 

[racheyrooble]

I have come to the slow realisation that I cause more damage than good in this world. I've tried councilling, changes of environment. I've tried..it feels like everything. I'm so broken. And it's nothing that can be fixed. I know I'm a burden on loved ones. It's a very logical thing for me to just eliminate myself from the equation. I am in pain all of the time. If it was physical pain it would be more accepted that I would want to make it stop. But for me, it's the same.
What I am trying to figure out is, how I can lessen the pain for those that are unfortunate to love me? The thought that I can make this pain stop, is so comforting. The thought of hurting others, even though in the long run lives would be easier, is what holds me back. I just want to figure out how to not make them hurt, too.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

The world is unfair, it makes you feel like a burden. I hope that you feel better and do not come to despise survival instinct as much as I do.

 

[squidhead]

Unfortunately I dont think you can do much seeing as suicide is regarded in our society.
The ideal situation would be suicide being a choice everyone has that is not viewed as the worst thing a soul can do, that way you and your loved ones would be able spend those last moments together. And your loved ones would be able to have a final talk with the person wanting to exit life. (Assuming both parties want that of course) A talk that would be heavy for sure, but I believe immensely helpful, clarifying and a lot of questions, doubts and so on would be covered with a civil, open minded discussion, free of guilt tripping and emotional manipulation that is.

But we dont have that, obviously, and doesnt look like it`ll happen anytime soon either. So the next best thing I can think of is a note, a letter. What you write on it is up to you and what your relationship with your loved ones is. Could be explaining your choice, what led to this, anything you`ve always wanted to tell them but for various reasons couldnt, something you want them to know or a final F.u. note (doesnt have to be something born out of love, if your relationship doesnt reflect that) or anything else really.

Or if youre into arts, maybe a drawing of some sort or something you own that youre emotionally attached to and might want your loved ones to have. Maybe even a song or a poem, if youre so inclined.

For a while ive even considered a small recording, but in the end I personally decided to leave no note or anything else as I feel it would be pointless and I dont think they deserve one.

In the end, they will still be affected one way or another but If the roles were reversed having a final note to read would alleviate the suffering a great deal. I wouldnt expect one nor think I deserve one, but I would definitely prefer to have something like that.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Those who truly love you will be hurt and probably not understand. May be some will. But for a lot it's hard to see through what they expectes or wanted. I hope that I wouldn't drive others to ctb from sorrow.