Missing Etika

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

As a fan of Etika and watched him all the time as a teen, seeing how he succumbed to suicide fucked with me. As someone who is convinced suicide is the way out, knowing the pain he left behind has me conflicted on whether I should CTB or not. At the end of the day I never knew him nor his demons. My hope is that he is somewhere in peace, but at the same time a part of me watches his old videos hoping he's till out there even when I know the truth. I went to his memorial in NY and bawled my eyes out with other fans.

Suicide is hard. I am not goin to say "suicide is never an option" because for some of us, especially those of us who were abused and overall treated like shit throughout life, it feels giving in is the best. As someone who was/is abused I can relate

Overall I miss him, yet the more I see how shitty this world is and my situation I wonder if my suicide is really worth it, for some of us anyways

Im just conflicted. I just wish I could die without having to actually die

 

[nooo2]

I miss him too, I've been up for exactly 18 hours, couldn't sleep and I just finished watching his fire emblem awakening game play videos. He was a big part of my childhood, one of the main reasons I got into Nintendo games. He was clearly going through a lot and I hope he's at peace too.

 

[Joey]

JOYCON BOIS

 

[Deleted member 17949]

His story was heartbreaking ngl. He was a good content creator and a fun guy. I hope he's at peace now.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I miss him too, I've been up for exactly 18 hours, couldn't sleep and I just finished watching his fire emblem awakening game play videos. He was a big part of my childhood, one of the main reasons I got into Nintendo games. He was clearly going through a lot and I hope he's at peace too.

I was watching some of his old videos with my little brother. Its so sad. To think that I was just laughing and having a great time knowing that whenever a new direct came out id rush to see him. Now that is no more. Like according to Alice he loved the Megumi Tensei series. I never heard of it, but I can imagine Etika going nuts. But that'll never happen

His story was heartbreaking ngl. He was a good content creator and a fun guy. I hope he's at peace now.

Same. I dont know what he was trying to escape from. His last video was a suicide note. He was really trying his best to hold his composure but you could tell something was very off. And by the time it was uploaded he was already dead. I remember holding out hoping he was ok, watching his videos nonstop. When they said his switch was by the bridge, I knew that was it. But I still had hope. And then it was confirmed. I cried for that whole day.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Never watched him but when celebrities ctb it's a constant reminder to me that life isn't worth living even with all of the things that they had. I don't have the resources they did to get "help" and my problems have been lifelong so realistically there is nothing except for suicide.

You are screwed even if you have money much less if you don't have money and are autistic, disabled, traumatized, etc.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Never watched him but when celebrities ctb it's a constant reminder to me that life isn't worth living even with all of the things that they had. I don't have the resources they did to get "help" and my problems have been lifelong so realistically there is nothing except for suicide.

You are screwed even if you have money much less if you don't have money and are autistic, disabled, traumatized, etc.

Honestly, you have a point. I mean looking at Etika, he seemed to have the life. A bunch of friends, a growing Youtube career, money, a nice apartment, etc. But none of that mattered in terms of mental health. I don't think we will ever know the reason behind his suicide. I believe the internet may have played a role but there may have been deeper trauma internally that he kept to himself. Who knows how long he was struggling for and if he ever thought to seek help

when he was spiraling many people reached out to him but he always pushed everyone away. As Alice (his ex) put it "you cant help people who dont want to be helped".

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

when he was spiraling many people reached out to him but he always pushed everyone away. As Alice (his ex) put it "you cant help people who dont want to be helped".

Maybe it's my cynicism but I generally don't trust in what people have to say after someone dies. My own family is full of terrible people but they had no issue offering me trivial notions of help after my ctb attempt despite being part of the reason why I made the attempt.

Why would anyone want help from people who not only don't understand them but only pretend to momentarily give a shit? People like my family are the types that would say something like "if he had only asked for help" but actively ignored the person and treated them like shit on a day to day basis. That's why I don't buy what his ex is probably selling.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Maybe it's my cynicism but I generally don't trust in what people have to say after someone dies. My own family is full of terrible people but they had no issue offering me trivial notions of help after my ctb attempt despite being part of the reason why I made the attempt.

Why would anyone want help from people who not only don't understand them but only pretend to momentarily give a shit? People like my family are the types that would say something like "if he had only asked for help" but actively ignored the person and treated them like shit on a day to day basis. That's why I don't buy what his ex is probably selling.

Interesting. That reminds me

One time me and my bro were talking about Etika. He mentioned that while he liked this content there were things about him he didnt like personally and that he was never perfect. I was very against this initially but, and this isn't to tear him down or disrespect him, but nobody is 100% perfect. We all have our flaws and things we do and say. And these days it seems people are being called out years later for shit they did. Not saying Etika did anything. I hope I am not pissing off anyone here.

 

[Joey]

If I could press the "self-termination" button, I would.

And with Etika, in his "goodbye video," the main reason why he ended his life was because he was afraid to drop his image of being a Youtuber/streamer. He wasn't happy with doing the whole fame thing no more and regardless of people telling him to seek help, he was seeking the wrong one. It was all peer-pressure.

He experienced homelessness before and he was totally afraid of going back to it and so he just decided to keep doing what he was doing, despite it driving him insane. It was really sad too because in the last remaining months of his passing, he was being meme'd on and being called a clown.

So when he made that video, he felt that the walls were closing in on him very fast and couldn't see no way out, so he went out the way he did.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

If I could press the "self-termination" button, I would.

And with Etika, in his "goodbye video," the main reason why he ended his life was because he was afraid to drop his image of being a Youtuber/streamer. He wasn't happy with doing the whole fame thing no more and regardless of people telling him to seek help, he was seeking the wrong one.

He experienced homelessness before and he was totally afraid of going back to it and so he just decided to keep doing what he was doing, despite it driving him insane. It was really sad too because in the last remaining months of his passing, he was being meme'd on and being called a clown.

Self termination?

And yeah I know about his past and what the internet did to him. On the outside looking in its easy to say "get help" but I feel when you have such a reputation and live life in a certain way, its not easy. I am probably not saying it right but, what hurts me is how he was treated. How, no matter how may suciides there are, people don learn unless it happens to them.

 

[Zappfe lover]

If I could press the "self-termination" button, I would.

And with Etika, in his "goodbye video," the main reason why he ended his life was because he was afraid to drop his image of being a Youtuber/streamer. He wasn't happy with doing the whole fame thing no more and regardless of people telling him to seek help, he was seeking the wrong one. It was all peer-pressure.

He experienced homelessness before and he was totally afraid of going back to it and so he just decided to keep doing what he was doing, despite it driving him insane. It was really sad too because in the last remaining months of his passing, he was being meme'd on and being called a clown.

So when he made that video, he felt that the walls were closing in on him very fast and couldn't see no way out, so he went out the way he did.

Yeah, I still remember the day the police raided his house. Everyone in the comments were just trolling instead of helping.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yeah, I still remember the day the police raided his house. Everyone in the comments were just trolling instead of helping.
[/QUOTE
Its sad. As a society we need to be taking things like mental health seriously. I wonder if we as people will ever learn.

 

[Joey]

Self termination?

And yeah I know about his past and what the internet did to him. On the outside looking in its easy to say "get help" but I feel when you have such a reputation and live life in a certain way, its not easy. I am probably not saying it right but, what hurts me is how he was treated. How, no matter how may suciides there are, people don learn unless it happens to them.

I remember what Pyrocynical said. With YouTube or anything in general, you can't die right in life without someone making someone's death about them for their ego/excuse. I don't think we will ever learn for a long time. Despite ignorance.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I remember what Pyrocynical said. With YouTube or anything in general, you can't die right in life without someone making someone's death about them for their ego/excuse. I don't think we will ever learn for a long time. Despite ignorance.

Facts. Its utterly disgusting. when you think about we only recently have begun to see mental health differently. There are so many flaws and we still have ways to go. Irregardles I am still prochoice. However I feel a person should at least try help first before taking the plunge.

 

[Joey]

Facts. Its utterly disgusting. when you think about we only recently have begun to see mental health differently. There are so many flaws and we still have ways to go. Irregardles I am still prochoice. However I feel a person should at least try help first before taking the plunge.

Yep exactly and to make sure to try every single option or at least try too.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Interesting. That reminds me

One time me and my bro were talking about Etika. He mentioned that while he liked this content there were things about him he didnt like personally and that he was never perfect. I was very against this initially but, and this isn't to tear him down or disrespect him, but nobody is 100% perfect. We all have our flaws and things we do and say. And these days it seems people are being called out years later for shit they did. Not saying Etika did anything. I hope I am not pissing off anyone here.

That's a good point as well, not everyone that commits suicide is a good person. Some of them hide things they've done and can be exposed for it later like you said. The point I was trying to make earlier was that the people left behind aren't always good people either and try to gain sympathy from others after the person dies to maintain a positive image of themselves. Some of the people left behind are part of the reason why the person committed suicide in the first place and it's often covered up. Sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm having severe brain fog at the moment.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry that you feel that way and yes, I had similar feelings when some of my celebrities or people I think highly of either pass away (CTB or other causes) and feel sad for a while. I know of a few and back in the days, a well known classical pianist, by the name of Van Cliburn passed away. Sadly, I never met the man but he is a phenomenal pianist.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

That's a good point as well, not everyone that commits suicide is a good person. Some of them hide things they've done and can be exposed for it later like you said. The point I was trying to make earlier was that the people left behind aren't always good people either and try to gain sympathy from others after the person dies to maintain a positive image of themselves. Some of the people left behind are part of the reason why the person committed suicide in the first place and it's often covered up. Sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm having severe brain fog at the moment.

No I get you 100%. One thing I have to remind myself is that I miss Etika, the persona. Behind Etika was Desmond (his real name). I never knew Desmond, only Etika.

 

[Mukey]

he was so awesome, he was my favorite celebrity who ctb

 

[Onthe29th]

I don't think any ctb has ever affected me the way Etika's did. I think about him everytime a new game comes out on the switch.

 

[Arrow]

I miss him too.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I still often think about how crazy it is that almost every single Smash Ultimate DLC character that came out after his death is someone he would have gotten crazy-excited for. Byleth was the first character to be announced after his death and he would have been one of the few people who would have enjoyed her inclusion. Then from there we had Min Min (his favorite ARMS character), Minecraft Steve, Pyra/Mythra, Sephiroth, I don't know how much of a Tekken fan Etika was but the Kazuya trailer would definitely have caused quite a reaction from him, and finally Sora from Kingdom Hearts would have blown his mind like it did almost everyone else's.

I still hope he's resting in peace. The Smash DLC is one of the reasons I felt I had to put off my own CTB until this year because I didn't want to have any regrets on that front. I really hope that if there's an afterlife that I'd get to meet him there and discuss this sort of stuff with him. He's probably the main dead celebrity I'd have the most to say to.