Venting might ctb on my birthday

[halleyscomet]

My birthday is May 2nd so I've got just under a month.

The method will be drowning aided by sleeping pills and alcohol, not very well thought out I know, but I don't really have the money or resources for anything else. I can't swim so si shouldn't be an issue once I've gotten into the river.

I don't know if I will 100%, but I don't think I'll be able to go on much longer. I've lost everything really. I'm hopeless, I don't know what else can be done at this point.

No one cares or is close to me, except for my coworker he has a crush on me - but he's too scared to ask me out haha.

I just don't feel like there's any other option. I'm miserable, my ex ruined my life and he gets to be happy. A part of me wants to do it to spite him, so he feels guilty for a change - but I know that's not a good reason to die.

I just want to be loved, but I know I can't achieve that in this world. It's kind of funny how what would "save" me would quite literally be a hug and some empathy, but alas the world is cold.

I don't know if i should go through with it, I keep going back and forth. It's like I'm on this line between life and death and I just need something or someone to push me one way or the other.

I'm just tired, lonely and depressed tonight lol.

 

[Meteora]

The 2nd of May is soon... you don't seem entirely convinced... I think you shouldn't pressure yourself.
When was your break-up?
You can always write me if you feel like chatting or telling something or someone who listens to you.

 

[halleyscomet]

The 2nd of May is soon... you don't seem entirely convinced... I think you shouldn't pressure yourself.
When was your break-up?
You can always write me if you feel like chatting or telling something or someone who listens to you.

Around a month ago, but I've been considering this method since before I met him, meeting him delayed ctb.

I mean he was the only reason I stayed so it's not entirely unreasonable that after I had to leave him I give up.

I'm not ready, but who really is? Either way I'll probably get drunk and do a shitty attempt so like why even bother delaying the inevitable?

I have a meeting with social services next week, if they offer me help I may take it and wait and see if it helps - but if not I've got no reason to try anymore.

 

[Meteora]

Around a month ago, but I've been considering this method since before I met him, meeting him delayed ctb.

I mean he was the only reason I stayed so it's not entirely unreasonable that after I had to leave him I give up.

I m in the exact same situation. Break-up 5 weeks ago, suicidal already before I met him, obviously more suicidal now.

 

[sserafim]

I want to ctb on my birthday as well. I think it's symbolic to leave this world on the day that you were brought into it. Mine is in mid-September though

 

[Sadshark]

I remember reading about someone who died in a similar way, he broke up with his girlfriend and jumped into the river to die (she must also be with someone else now). In short, the longer we live, the more we grow apart.

stay safe Halley

 

[Catch-22]

I wanted to go on my birthday as well.. which is in just a few weeks. I don't have everything I need and I need to do more planning. I am so tired

 

[Meteora]

I wanted to go on my birthday as well.. which is just a few weeks. I don't have everything I need and I need to do more planning. I am so tired

It is tough to plan properly if one is aready so weak or in pain etc. Its the same for me.

 

[Catch-22]

It is tough to plan properly if one is aready so weak or in pain etc. Its the same for me.

I have cognitive issues due to pain and illness so it is going to take me a long time to put things together properly. I only get one chance. I'm sorry you're in pain

 

[chaosdrifter]

My birthday is May 2nd so I've got just under a month.

The method will be drowning aided by sleeping pills and alcohol, not very well thought out I know, but I don't really have the money or resources for anything else. I can't swim so si shouldn't be an issue once I've gotten into the river.

I don't know if I will 100%, but I don't think I'll be able to go on much longer. I've lost everything really. I'm hopeless, I don't know what else can be done at this point.

No one cares or is close to me, except for my coworker he has a crush on me - but he's too scared to ask me out haha.

I just don't feel like there's any other option. I'm miserable, my ex ruined my life and he gets to be happy. A part of me wants to do it to spite him, so he feels guilty for a change - but I know that's not a good reason to die.

I just want to be loved, but I know I can't achieve that in this world. It's kind of funny how what would "save" me would quite literally be a hug and some empathy, but alas the world is cold.

I don't know if i should go through with it, I keep going back and forth. It's like I'm on this line between life and death and I just need something or someone to push me one way or the other.

I'm just tired, lonely and depressed tonight lol.

mine is the 3rd of may and i have similiar feelings/wishes about it