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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
Anyone besides me that could potentially recover, or at least experience artificial contentment but doesn't want to? Like I would prefer to just CTB instead of not having it "all" in a matter of speaking? For me (it's a personal thing), it's all or nothing tbh.
 
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western_heart

western_heart

trying to save ourself
May 23, 2021
622
I could probably recover, I have come a long way in the past year. I have goals, dreams, I have the (financial) means to achieve them if I can stay employed. But I don't want to.

Even when things are going well in my life, everything is really difficult and taking the risks required to get where I want to be in life is scary. I'm unstable and existence is painful. maybe it's just poorly managed BPD/DID...
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,707
I get what you mean. I can't have the life I want so I don't want any.
 
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A

archipelago

Student
Jun 27, 2021
148
Anyone besides me that could potentially recover, or at least experience artificial contentment but doesn't want to? Like I would prefer to just CTB instead of not having it "all" in a matter of speaking? For me (it's a personal thing), it's all or nothing tbh.
I think I'm in this camp. There was something I made huge improvements with and I'm really proud of myself for it. But I also have physical chronic illness and it makes the thing I wanted most, financial independence, difficult. I'm genuinely too physically and emotionally tired to push at it. I feel happy knowing I spent the last year of my life in a much better place and doing things I enjoy. I still want to go.
 
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Achlys

Achlys

So tired...
Apr 23, 2022
143
Yes. I've little hope left and am resigned to the likely outcome, so any steps I take to recover are taken begrudgingly.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,887
You already know that my feelings on this are in tune with yours. Although, to play devil's advocate a bit, I'm pretty sure that nobody really "has it all", you know? But, our situation is different. It's existential.
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
I could hypothetically recover but I don't have the inspiration or the motivation or the energy… I can barely bother to eat
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,392
I want nothing less than for me to have total control over all of reality so that I can ensure that nothing bad ever happens to me again. Anything less than that is already to much too bear and is thusly why I need to be killed.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
You already know that my feelings on this are in tune with yours. Although, to play devil's advocate a bit, I'm pretty sure that nobody really "has it all", you know? But, our situation is different. It's existential.
Agreed 100%. Though, to me (maybe us), those born the correct ASAB have "it all", or at least what we desire.
I could hypothetically recover but I don't have the inspiration or the motivation or the energy… I can barely bother to eat
I feel that.

I am slowly becoming less interested in my hobbies as time progresses. Like, even going out to play cards feels like a chore to me.

Can't relate on the eating part, though. I eat out of boredom and have no regard for my physical appearance :( I wonder if I'll reach a point where I can't even do that?
 
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chocolatebar

chocolatebar

Paragon
Jul 11, 2021
974
Maybe I can manage to live a good life, but it will take years and I won't be young anymore. I don't want to live with such a hole in my life. Some things need to be experienced at the right time or will never be the same. Besides, I don't know if I can hold myself in delusion for so long.
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
I don't know lol Depends if you need more than the ASAB to be correct, like better living situation. For me, I'll take a rough living situation while the correct ASAB to satisfy me with life. I'd try to adapt. At least I wouldn't have self hatred weighing me down like I do now ;-;
Maybe I can manage to live a good life, but it will take years and I won't be young anymore. I don't want to live with such a hole in my life. Some things need to be experienced at the right time or will never be the same. Besides, I don't know if I can hold myself in delusion for so long.
I agree. When you're young, you have your peak years in front of you. I wouldn't want to get my life functioning at a late age. My glory years would have been missed :/
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
What is ASAB?
Assigned Sex at Birth. This is a different issue than being born the wrong AGAB (Assigned Gender at Birth), because I am the cis gender of my assigned sex. I just wish I was the complete opposite on both. My gender isn't different than my assigned sex is what I am trying to say.
 
M

Messgram

Meaningless struggle
Dec 30, 2021
202
I often think about trying, but then I remember that one day I will return to nothingness and all the effort I made to recover was in vain
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,887
I don't know lol Depends if you need more than the ASAB to be correct, like better living situation. For me, I'll take a rough living situation while the correct ASAB to satisfy me with life. I'd try to adapt. At least I wouldn't have self hatred weighing me down like I do now
I'd be ecstatic to have a corrected asab along with a rough living situation. Who says we would have a rough living situation? We mighte be in a better living situation in that regard. You know, since actually happy?

What is ASAB?
assigned sex at birth
 
WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
I often think about trying, but then I remember that one day I will return to nothingness and all the effort I made to recover was in vain
Why's that? What is troubling you?
I'd be ecstatic to have a corrected asab along with a rough living situation. Who says we would have a rough living situation? We mighte be in a better living situation in that regard. You know, since actually happy?


assigned sex at birth
I meant upbringing. Basically what I am saying is, I'd trade my current situation to be born the correct ASAB without knowing the variables that come with it. Like you said, to feel whole.
 
M

Messgram

Meaningless struggle
Dec 30, 2021
202
Why's that? What is troubling you?
because life is a game you can't win. What is the point of suffering so much to achieve goals that will be lost in a few decades or maybe days or years, because nothing guarantees that I will live tomorrow.
 
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L

LongtimeLoser

Member
Apr 25, 2022
94
Is ASAB a transgender thing?

I'm in my early 40s, male, and bisexual. I was lucky in that I was born with both looks and smarts. I've always attracted both genders and consequently dated both.

As far as relationships, I prefer women. Mainly because I prioritize family over everything else. My children are my life. When it comes to beauty and sex, I prefer men. I think I could have had long term relationships with men if gay men weren't… how do I put it… judgmental pricks?

Unfortunately I was diagnosed with a congenital health disease 10 years ago and my mental health has suffered as a consequence. Therefore smarts, looks, and money aren't everything :(
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
Is ASAB a transgender thing?

I'm in my early 40s, male, and bisexual. I was lucky in that I was born with both looks and smarts. I've always attracted both genders and consequently dated both.

As far as relationships, I prefer women. Mainly because I prioritize family over everything else. My children are my life. When it comes to beauty and sex, I prefer men. I think I could had long term relationships with men if gay men weren't… how do I put it… judgmental pricks?

Unfortunately I was diagnosed with a congenital health disease 10 years ago and my mental health has suffered as a consequence. Therefore smarts, looks, and money aren't everything :(
Some people might say so, but for me it is a self diagnosis. I don't think they have ASAB as a trans term. It's just AGAB that is. Like I said, I don't think someone who's gender matching their assigned sex but wants to be the opposite in both ways is in the books.

I don't like being male either biologically or by gender. I just think it sucks imo. I'd much rather be cis-female. Since I am not, I don't want to exist lol

I am very sorry about your health problems and yeah, if you don't have the health, even if you have everything else, that can cause distress :( I hope you're doing alright all things considered.
because life is a game you can't win. What is the point of suffering so much to achieve goals that will be lost in a few decades or maybe days or years, because nothing guarantees that I will live tomorrow.
True. It seems we just live to die. We are forced to work just earn money, then give some of that money to the Government, only to die later on. Government is basically profiting off our labor.
 
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L

LongtimeLoser

Member
Apr 25, 2022
94
Assigned Sex at Birth. This is a different issue than being born the wrong AGAB (Assigned Gender at Birth), because I am the cis gender of my assigned sex. I just wish I was the complete opposite on both. My gender isn't different than my assigned sex is what I am trying to say.
I can't fully wrap my mind around this.

I was born a boy, am a boy, and like to have sex with boys and girls.

Genders, sexes, orientations, preferences, etc, … I get confused.

I can only imagine what it must be like for people that end out messed up because they desire to be the opposite sex … as in have a penis vs a vagina and vis versa :(
 
WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
I can't fully wrap my mind around this.

I was born a boy, am a boy, and like to have sex with boys and girls.

Genders, sexes, orientations, preferences, etc, … I get confused.

I can only imagine what it must be like for people that end out messed up because they desire to be the opposite sex … as in have a penis vs a vagina and vis versa :(
Dysphoria really sucks lol It is the sole reason why I'm waiting to buy a bus ticket lol
 
L

LongtimeLoser

Member
Apr 25, 2022
94
I had a boyfriend that always wanted me to dress up as a girl because of my body type… 5'9", thin, cute face.

I think you call it drag nowadays. When I was young, they called themselves transvestites.

To be young, healthy, and vibrant again, lol.

Although I didn't like it for myself, I always thought it was attractive for a boy to want to be a girl. It just meant you were feminine.

I'm sorry you guys are unhappy due to ASAB and such. I'm sure it sucks ass.
 
WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
I had a boyfriend that always wanted me to dress up as a girl because of my body type… 5'9", thin, cute face.

I think you call it drag nowadays. When I was young, they called themselves transvestites.

To be young, healthy, and vibrant again, lol.

Although I didn't like it for myself, I always thought it was attractive for a boy to want to be a girl. It just meant you were feminine.

I'm sorry you guys are unhappy due to ASAB and such. I'm sure it sucks ass.
We do call it "drag" now. However, there are people who identify themselves as women even with the male anatomy, because their gender is "female". I never understood it myself, but to each their own.

I appreciate the words :) and once again, sorry about what you are going through.
 
locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,887
I can't fully wrap my mind around this.

I was born a boy, am a boy, and like to have sex with boys and girls.

Genders, sexes, orientations, preferences, etc, … I get confused.

I can only imagine what it must be like for people that end out messed up because they desire to be the opposite sex … as in have a penis vs a vagina and vis versa :(
It's really not that complicated. Sex is what you're assigned at birth based on your characteristics. no one can know what is in your brain (or wherever you "feel" who you are). Transgender people "feel" that they are the opposite sex of that assigned to them. There is a mismatch between their sex and their gender identity. For those of the religious ilk, which is not me, I guess I would characterize it as the soul feels it doesn't belong in the body where it resides. Orientation is completely unrelated to gender identity, as I'm sure you understand. I'm not sure what to say about preferences. And in some cases, even transitioning successfully to the opposite gender will not "fix", and I hate that word, the mismatch, because, well, it is simply not enough. The outside may be fixed, and part of the inside (think a male having vaginoplasty), but the "rest" of the insides are not, and cannot be. In these cases the only thing that would, could be acceptable is being a cis-female, an actual female from birth, and we know that this is not possible. Hence the dysphoria. There is no "fix" for having these feelings.
 
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L

LongtimeLoser

Member
Apr 25, 2022
94
Dysphoria really sucks lol It is the sole reason why I'm waiting to buy a bus ticket lol
If the right person came along, loved you for who you are right now, would that make you happy?

Or are you always going to be unhappy solely because of dysphoria?

I ask because I have been with boys that wanted to be girls. They just dressed as girls and acted feminine. They were awesome and lead happy lives.
 
WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
If the right person came along, loved you for who you are right now, would that make you happy?

Or are you always going to be unhappy solely because of dysphoria?

I ask because I have been with boys that wanted to be girls. They just dressed as girls and acted feminine. They were awesome and lead happy lives.
If you asked me like a year ago, I'd say it might. Wouldn't change how I felt about myself nor would I "love" myself, but it would sustain me I suppose. Now since my dysphoria festered last May, I don't even know if that would prevent me from CTB at this point. We won't know, though since I doubt any woman will take interest in me, given that I've let myself go and I am 300 LBS and I have no motivation to change that (due to not liking the male body as one of the reasons for my dysphoria).

I couldn't bring myself to dress feminine, It is not for me and doesn't change the issue of hating the male body period :ahhha: Usually someone who is dysphoria would transition, but it's a 5+ year process and since my body is already riddled with the "T" (testosterone), I don't think I'd pass to society or even myself 100% of the time as female, and I don't have it in me to wait 5 years to find out. Much prefer catching the bus.

Like, don't get me wrong, I don't want to die. Ideally, I would have been AFAB, but that was not in the cards, so I'd rather just CTB and if there is reincarnation, hope that I draw a better hand next time.
It's really not that complicated. Sex is what you're assigned at birth based on your characteristics. no one can know what is in your brain (or wherever you "feel" who you are). Transgender people "feel" that they are the opposite sex of that assigned to them. There is a mismatch between their sex and their gender identity. For those of the religious ilk, which is not me, I guess I would characterize it as the soul feels it doesn't belong in the body where it resides. Orientation is completely unrelated to gender identity, as I'm sure you understand. I'm not sure what to say about preferences. And in some cases, even transitioning successfully to the opposite gender will not "fix", and I hate that word, the mismatch, because, well, it is simply not enough. The outside may be fixed, and part of the inside (think a male having vaginoplasty), but the "rest" of the insides are not, and cannot be. In these cases the only thing that would, could be acceptable is being a cis-female, an actual female from birth, and we know that this is not possible. Hence the dysphoria. There is no "fix" for having these feelings.
This 100% ^
 
L

LongtimeLoser

Member
Apr 25, 2022
94
It's really not that complicated. Sex is what you're assigned at birth based on your characteristics. no one can know what is in your brain (or wherever you "feel" who you are). Transgender people "feel" that they are the opposite sex of that assigned to them. There is a mismatch between their sex and their gender identity. For those of the religious ilk, which is not me, I guess I would characterize it as the soul feels it doesn't belong in the body where it resides. Orientation is completely unrelated to gender identity, as I'm sure you understand. I'm not sure what to say about preferences. And in some cases, even transitioning successfully to the opposite gender will not "fix", and I hate that word, the mismatch, because, well, it is simply not enough. The outside may be fixed, and part of the inside (think a male having vaginoplasty), but the "rest" of the insides are not, and cannot be. In these cases the only thing that would, could be acceptable is being a cis-female, an actual female from birth, and we know that this is not possible. Hence the dysphoria. There is no "fix" for having these feelings.
That indeed sucks. As you basically said, you can't take a soul out of a boys body and put it in a girls OR totally transform a boy body into a girl's.

Apart from that, I have been with guys that wanted to be girl but simply playing the part, being accepted, and loved was enough to make them happy… and honestly… feminine guys are what I am most attracted to. Unfortunately, gay men have always ended out being assholes in my experience. They think they are better than other people. Lesbians are just as bad… they are f'ing mean and abusive, lol.

My niece is gay. Her previous girlfriend beat her all the time… everything from breaking her arm to throwing her from a balcony. Her latest gf is no nicer.

This is why I'm bi, lol. Straight women are nice, kind, and just as beautiful hehe
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
8,887
My niece is gay. Her previous girlfriend beat her all the time… everything from breaking her arm to throwing her from a balcony. Her latest gf is no nicer.
Just goes to show that dysfunction isn't limited to the hetero bunch. LOL
That indeed sucks. As you basically said, you can't take a soul out of a boys body and put it in a girls OR totally transform a boy body into a girl's.
No. No you can't. That would require a new birth, which is not possible. I guess we're basically talking about the "essence" of who one feels they are.
 

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