I feel like everything is getting worse. I feel so out of control. The only constant thing is that I want to die. I don't even recognize the person I am anymore. My mood is out of control. My anger is out of control. I'm so unstable and the only thing my therapy keeps saying is to make friends but I'm not lovable. People can only deal with me in small dosages. I am too unstable to make friends and she doesn't seem to get that there is something more going on. I can't keep a job anymore, I'm more depressed, angrier, have a breakdown at least 2-4 times a week. Don't even forget the suicidal thoughts and the anxiety. I can't sleep. I keep spending money I don't have. I have lost all motivation. All of my will to live. I'm barely here. I'm exhausted.
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You're not alone in your feelings or your actions…. I'm over here eating fast food when I should have paid a bill …. It's a tough world. Hugs
I am the same. I'm so sorry you're suffering. Fel free to message. I hope something changes for the better
It's more than tough. I am tired. Tired of dealing with all this shit on my own. I have no support system. And I really don't want to be popping pills my whole life just to stabilize my mood and not be depressed or whatever else.
I'm sorry you feel the same. Nothing is going to change.
I've been medication free for a few years now and just "mentally relapsed " feel like a failure for not catching myself and now I have to figure out this messy life. Sad thing is I don't want to!! Why can't I just be normal!
BPD
PTSD, major depressive…. High anxiety…. I think it depends on the day and situations. Just when I'm functioning, I'm not.
DeathToSpiesSMERSH
Member
- Feb 22, 2023
- 78
I think any combination is shitty. Thank you though, no one has ever apologized to meThat's a really shit combo. I'm sorry you struggle with that
I feel that. It's like once you're no longer depressed, you're anxious a lot. Or when you're no longer anxious, I have to deal with my mood swings and it constantly switches.
YESSSS… and then once you feel like you finally figured out how to cope and manage…. Boom…. Here is your next trigger that you didn't know was there and now you forgot all your skills and you quit your job, lash out to the people around you, stay in bed for 5 days and just wish it would all end…. And the cherry on top is you've worked so hard at being so strong and telling anyone you know that you are truly struggling would bring a shame and disappointment that hurts worse than the actual failure….
No one has ever explained it right. I feel things would be easier if I was surrounded by people who actually understood what I was going through. When you're experiencing it, you can't just get up and go to work. Instead of trying to understand, they all judge.
It's hard when no one around you understands the turmoil inside you. It's been a journey for me to even function…. I had a good 3 years and out of no where, here I am going through an F5 tornado of emotions and I can't regulate! This site has been the best outlet thus far. I actually showered today
borderline-feline
Constantly Sleepy Catgirl
- Dec 28, 2022
- 646
You're definitely not alone in those kinds of feelings. As my username suggests, I also have BPD. My emotions shift so quickly and so drastically that I often don't even have time to process what I'm feeling. I feel on top of the world and then I feel completely empty. I waste my money on things that I don't need (or always even want) just because it gives me a temporary feeling of relief, but then I'm overcome with guilt over the amount of money I spend.
I center my life around trying to keep my loved ones from leaving me, but that often ends up resulting in pushing them away. My emotions terrify me, especially the anger. I'm often afraid that I'll end up hurting someone.
So, yeah, I know how shitty it is, and I wish no one had to be stuck suffering from BPD.
I center my life around trying to keep my loved ones from leaving me, but that often ends up resulting in pushing them away. My emotions terrify me, especially the anger. I'm often afraid that I'll end up hurting someone.
So, yeah, I know how shitty it is, and I wish no one had to be stuck suffering from BPD.
I'm proud of you! Sometimes showering can be the hardest thing in the world, especially during times when you barely have the will to leave your own bed. It's a small step that may not mean much to so many people, but it's progress and deserves to be acknowledged as such.It's hard when no one around you understands the turmoil inside you. It's been a journey for me to even function…. I had a good 3 years and out of no where, here I am going through an F5 tornado of emotions and I can't regulate! This site has been the best outlet thus far. I actually showered today
I love your name!!! And that 2nd paragraph, speaks to my soul.
borderline-feline
Constantly Sleepy Catgirl
- Dec 28, 2022
- 646
That's what I enjoy about this site. I've been able to interact with people who understand the types of pain that I go through, and we're able to just commiserate about things. I'm often told that I'm prone to overreacting, so to see other people understanding these kinds of experiences is very emotionally validating.I love your name!!! And that 2nd paragraph, speaks to my soul.
100% agree…. You just gave me happy tears. I mean , I'll have sad ones in about 5 minutes, but thank you for speaking!
any label is sh*t.... more people see you, more drugs you take more things happen to you..... you are ill .... and just need to try this one more thing.... The frustration you feel is of providers who are unable to help you. Some people identify with diagnoses because it works for them and so does the treatment but there are people who have been given diagnoses because their views did not align with the mainstream or they were set up. It does happen.
A long hot shower can seem like a million miles away but then once you get yourself in there - it's heaven.
What do you mean by set up? I mean I'm definitely depressed and anxious. I just don't think I'm anxious enough to have anxiety and bipolar idk it seems to me like it could be something else cuz my mood swings are too frequent to be bipolar 1. And I've been taking mood stabilizers since I was 15 because I've had mood swings for the longest, but it's gotten worse this past couple of years. I just need a second opinion.
I tried that earlier. It didn't really help me feel better.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,411
It must be so tiring what you have to endure and there really does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this hellish world. Existing certainly can be torture.
It's a nightmare and everyday I keep hoping and then on top of it, there is always some insecure person ready to ruin it some more. I'm sick and tired of it.
