Venting Mental illnesses/disorders and driver’s license

[chapitaupe]

Basically, I'm a 24F and I can't get past the fear of obtaining my driver's license.
I've never had any bad experience or accidents as a passenger (except when my father was drunk and drove us into a bridge barrier when I was like 10yo).
I also don't have any diagnosis for any disorder or illness, but knowing myself I wouldn't be surprised if I get diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder (and other disorders that I heavily relate to, like OCD and autism, but I don't want to self-diagnose).
My general problem is, every time I have to do something important for my well-being or my future (such as medical appointments, seeing a therapist, or the driver's license) I just can't do it, something is blocking me and I don't know what is it. At this point I don't know if it's just an anxiety problem, or if there's something deeper that's keeping me from doing things.

I've recently learned that there's a term for the fear of driving, or even being in a vehicle, it's amaxophobia (?), it's definition hits pretty close to what I feel, so I Might have that as well.
What scares me in driving is the fact that I have to control such a big engine, with lots of buttons and stuff, while also being aware of every signs on the road, other cars and people around, etc. I feel like there's so much to control and I feel like my brain is simply not capable of controlling this much info at the same time, also knowing that I react poorly when under pressure. I just don't want to be a danger to others.
And at this point I'm tired of having to justify myself to others as why I still don't have my license. I can't really explain everything I wrote above so I'll just say it's because of the price of all of it and I avoid the topic when I can.
It is also becoming hard socially, since I don't want to suggest any hangouts to people if I don't have a way of driving them, so I don't suggest anything anymore, and I feel bad that my friends always have to drive me anywhere without being able to return the favour (which is making me isolate myself even more that I already am cuz of other problems I have)

I'm sorry if it wasn't very understandable, I'm a French speaking person and it is the first time I try to really put words on how I feel towards this problem I've had for years. I don't know if anyone can relate, or have any tips for overcoming this fear (:

 

[FoxSauce]

I feel you dude really. Im 22 and I havent taken out my driver's yet.

Im scared of the fact I might kill someone or the majority I might get into a road rage incident. And Ive been in 2 accident I wasnt driving but it was way to stressful, just doing the paper work and being scared shitless cuz you dont know if this person you crashed might hurt you or worse.

Everytime I practiced I end up with a migraine.

I wish I had tips to give you really but I hope you find the curoage to drive. Lots of hugs

 

[heywey]

Are you me? Not having a driver's license has been this albatross hanging over my head for years (23 here). I understand the feeling of being totally overwhelmed, and like there's just this block preventing me from moving forward. I also understand how socially isolating it is.

I don't know how to describe my own experiences without just restating what you already put so eloquently, so I'll just say you're definitely not alone, and you explained it very clearly.

I've been making (slow, difficult) progress recently, though. Long story short I moved to a more rural place and I'm staying with a friend who lets me borrow his car to practice. There are backroads with nobody around, and even though it's very illegal I've been driving alone for practice, and it's made a big difference. If you can find a way to 1. practice somewhere without any other cars on the road, and 2. without a passenger, it makes it easier.

Either way though: it's not something to be ashamed about. Not wanting to drive air-polluting, unethically built giant metal cages barreling across the ground at speeds where one mistake or moment of distraction could kill you or someone else is... not entirely unreasonable, I think. Unfortunately we live in a world where not driving makes life difficult, but just try not to put that on yourself, and remember that you're not broken or wrong for feeling the way you (we) do.

 

[Lamentice]

You don't need a driver's license if you live in a walkable city with public transport.

I don't have and never plan to get a driver's license, lived in 2 different cities in the U.S., known plenty of adults just like me who don't drive, hasn't been a problem.

 

[chapitaupe]

You don't need a driver's license if you live in a walkable city with public transport.

I don't have and never plan to get a driver's license, lived in 2 different cities in the U.S., known plenty of adults just like me who don't drive, hasn't been a problem.

Damn, lucky you! I I wish it wasn't necessary for me as well
Unfortunately I live in a very small village with very few public transports, and I'd say having a car is more practical in the region I live in. I've been able to manage it pretty well, but for my future it would be pretty helpful to have a license

 

[Lamentice]

Damn, lucky you! I I wish it wasn't necessary for me as well
Unfortunately I live in a very small village with very few public transports, and I'd say having a car is more practical in the region I live in. I've been able to manage it pretty well, but for my future it would be pretty helpful to have a license

Do you want to stay in that small village? There are so many cities all over the world that are walkable and not car-centric. Plus it's always healthy for personal development to expand your world.

 

[LonelyCauseAutistic]

Basically, I'm a 24F and I can't get past the fear of obtaining my driver's license.
I've never had any bad experience or accidents as a passenger (except when my father was drunk and drove us into a bridge barrier when I was like 10yo).
I also don't have any diagnosis for any disorder or illness, but knowing myself I wouldn't be surprised if I get diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder (and other disorders that I heavily relate to, like OCD and autism, but I don't want to self-diagnose).
My general problem is, every time I have to do something important for my well-being or my future (such as medical appointments, seeing a therapist, or the driver's license) I just can't do it, something is blocking me and I don't know what is it. At this point I don't know if it's just an anxiety problem, or if there's something deeper that's keeping me from doing things.

I've recently learned that there's a term for the fear of driving, or even being in a vehicle, it's amaxophobia (?), it's definition hits pretty close to what I feel, so I Might have that as well.
What scares me in driving is the fact that I have to control such a big engine, with lots of buttons and stuff, while also being aware of every signs on the road, other cars and people around, etc. I feel like there's so much to control and I feel like my brain is simply not capable of controlling this much info at the same time, also knowing that I react poorly when under pressure. I just don't want to be a danger to others.
And at this point I'm tired of having to justify myself to others as why I still don't have my license. I can't really explain everything I wrote above so I'll just say it's because of the price of all of it and I avoid the topic when I can.
It is also becoming hard socially, since I don't want to suggest any hangouts to people if I don't have a way of driving them, so I don't suggest anything anymore, and I feel bad that my friends always have to drive me anywhere without being able to return the favour (which is making me isolate myself even more that I already am cuz of other problems I have)

I'm sorry if it wasn't very understandable, I'm a French speaking person and it is the first time I try to really put words on how I feel towards this problem I've had for years. I don't know if anyone can relate, or have any tips for overcoming this fear (:

Im also autistic. Failed my license exam 3 times

 

[lilypeaches]

I feel the same way. I wish people would just mind their business about it. A lot of people will just assume you drive or ask if you do and be shocked at the response and try to change your mind. The only thing that entices me to learn is getting a better job, but I have no idea where to start and I'm embarrassed to tell people after saying I wouldn't drive and going on about the risks. Not everyone has to drive and that's ok, it's better to stay off the road if you're not confident about driving. Unfortunately, the only way to gain confidence is by practicing.

 

[mawsonia]

I've already complained before about my troubles with driving in a reply to another thread, so I'll just say that I can relate to you. It's hard and it's stressful and it sucks.

However, I will say that it's been about a month since then and in that time I've improved a decent amount. I'm probably not qualified to give advice of any sort but I think I might know some things on how to help. (P.S. I'm American so some of these things might not apply, sorry!)

1. When you start out driving, try to drive when you know there will be very few cars around. I like driving at night and it helped calm my nerves when practicing since there isn't much fear when there's no other cars or people to worry about.

2. Obviously you want to have someone in the car who has a license. If it's not too much trouble, ask your friends or your parents to be in the car with you. Ideally get someone you know won't yell at you for messing up haha. Also make sure they're actually good at driving too.

3. Go at your own pace. Don't feel bad if you're progressing slower than other people because you are your own person with your own strengths and weaknesses and how comfortable you feel matters most and is completely justified.

4. Road ragers being mad at you is sadly inevitable. I've experienced it one or two times. However in France I'm pretty sure less people have guns so if it makes you feel better there's less risk of getting hurt. Not that it's high anyways. More on point though is that if you search up "road rage karma" or "road rage fails" or something along those lines, it might make you feel better since it helps you realize that they're the pricks, not you.

Hope this helps. Although I do want to reiterate that driving feeling scary is completely normal and valid , and I as well as a lot of other people relate to you on this. Good luck!

 

[whywere]

I have been driving since 1970 and I have always respected a machine, vehicle that can weigh several tons of steel, glass and other components but I have confidence in knowing that everything will be ok.
Take baby step and start out slowly and you will be just fine. There is nothing wrong with some hesitation, that is called human, heavens, I have it every day, and as you build confidence it just might blossom in driving AND other areas also.

You CAN do it, you are intelligent, kind and have so much going for you.

Walter