Mental illness spanning generations

[Stick]

TW// This is rambling about how parental mental health causes problems in their children. I know there are a lot of parents here, and I don't mean to offend or make you anyone guilty for having kids. If hearing about how bad parenting has affected my mental health will upset you, it is best that you don't read on.

Almost like a lineage, I can trace a lot of my mental hell all the back to my grandparents.
On my Mom's side, my Great grandma and grandpa fought constantly and hated each other with a passion, but, they were at a time when divorce wasn't okay. Instead, they used their two kids to punish the other spouse, leaving both children without the knowledge of how they should be treated. And because of sexism, they made sure to let my Grandmother know that she wasn't as valuable as her brother.
My Grandma knows this wasn't right, and when she turns 18 she goes out into the world to do what she wants instead of being a pawn for her family. This decision then costs her all of her foundation and support, ruining her and leaving her homeless. Eventually she picks herself up and marries a man: my alcoholic grandfather. I don't know much about him, only horror stories of what he would do to my Mother, Uncle, and Grandma. But having grown up in a dysfunctional home, my grandma sees it as normal, and stays together for the kids.
My mother is born. My grandma is stretched to thin and can't provide the support she needs, and my Grandfather provides the opposite of love. To make matters worse, my Grandma is crippled in a car wreck, and becomes a perceived embarrassment to my Mom.
Mom doesn't want to live the same life as grandma.She doesn't have the emotional strength to get by on her own and she desperately seeks the love she never got growing up, and flings herself at every man. But, deathly afraid of being left alone or treated as Grandma was, she develops means of manipulating her partners into acting as she wants, at least until they leave her. Eventually, she has me and my sister in an attempt to keep my Dad with her, but as soon as she plays her games he leaves. She already has a son from a previous relationship, and so is stretched much to thin to take care of us.
To make things worse, I have a host of issues as a baby. I was so fussy that my Mom has said that for the first two months of my life I never stopped crying. She tried to give me away at one point to my godmother, only for her to give me back.I have a caregiving personality, and in order to fulfill her emotional needs my Mom treated me as though I were the parent. Even in elementary school, I would coach her on how to control her anger,keep her from spending money on things she doesn't need, listen to her adult fears and adult issues, be there for her, worry for her, and do the chores I was asked of not out of obedience, but out of a need to take care of her. But when I was anxious? When I had my silly fears every child had? Then, I needed to be stronger than that.
I became an adult at 8, which turned me into a child at 18.
I didn't even get to my Dads side, but you get the point. There are so many other things in my life that have made me into who I am, and so many other problems that I have, but it's fascinating and cruel how I can trace many of my flaws all the way back through my family.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you've been through all that. Amazing story. I hugged you because I kinda understand how you feel.

My mom has schizophrenia , and her genes inside of me, I'm not schizophrenic but bipolar. Real close.
My childhood with her was terrible because she couldn't take care of my brother and I properly and my dad worked all day so I feel as if I grew up without a mother.


I finished high school and got a degree in teaching thanks to my dad who always helped me out in spite of working. He's been a father and mother at the same time.

Still, I don't hate my mother but she's really nuts and is unbearable sometimes. Because of my failed CTB attempt, I'm living with her and my dad again and damn, this is hell sometimes. However, this made me realize that I can't neither leave my father alone with her nor CTB because they will suffer a lot and my family could become even worse than it is.

Anyway, your tough anecdote reminded me of my past and current life.

Somehow, we'll move and if not, we'll be gone because it's probably we're meant to CTB no matter what.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

A couple of ideas that are somewhat tangent to your post.

There is research in the field of genetic psychiatry (or similar named field) that shows the likelihood of mental health issues being passed on genetically. Dr. Emily Deans has articles on this topic. These issues involve the classic nature VS nurture themes that tend to fascinate me.

Years ago, I read a study that concluded the amount of omega-3 fats in the grandparents' brain influences the mental health of the grandchildren. Apparently, statistically they found this to be so. (Might be difficult to adjust out confounding variables). For myself, a tongue-in-cheek question I asked was how much wild salmon did my poor grandparents eat when migrating from Kansas during the dust bowl of the great depression. At the time I read this study, research apparently had not been conducted between the amount of omega-3 fats in the brain of the parents and the subsequent mental health of their offspring. Imagine the link would be here as well.

As an aside, I was a psych major in undergrad and there is an issue in psychology when parents involve their kids too deeply into their own grown up problems. Can't recall exactly what this issue is called. My undergrad was many moons ago. But, I remember this concept as it hit home for me.

 

[watsonsmith]

I'm sorry to hear about everything you went through.

I also had to be an adult about my family situation as a child and this is clearly the root cause of my problems - I didn't have the space to individuate and become a grown up even if I acted like one before this unloved child in me said enough. Once it did I just couldn't pretend anymore and it's been downhill since then.

I believe that what you are talking about is precisely what shamrock religions call karma - the intergenerational passing down of trauma. I believed my role was to break this cycle but I made the mistake of trying to fix the previous generations instead of focusing on my own life. Now it seems the only way is to just stop the cycle by ctb.

As for there being a genetic component to mental issues I seriously doubt it. It's impossible to factor out confounding variables since an upbringing by parents with mental health issues is likely to affect the child in ways that would produce some or significant issues in their adult life. I strongly believe that it is all nurture as far as mental health goes, because of neuroelasticity.

I think that scholars like to delve into the genetic causes because that supports the idea that mental health issues originate in some imbalance of neurochemicals in the brain. It makes the profession more of a hard science and makes it more lucrative because of the involvement of big pharma.

Sure, a child that feels unsafe and lives in fear from the day they are born will have a different brain than one that is nurtured by a loving family. But they are not born that way (save for prenatal development of course, which again is not necessarily due to genetic but the emotional and thus hormonal states of the mother).

 

[almost_dead]

holy shit so many paragraphs

 

[Deleted member 94]

One of the doctors who resucitated me dispute my letter of wishes told me that genes degrade over every birth cycle. I come from a family of 4 kids but am the only certified one with mental disorder because of my ctb attempt, the others either don't have it or won't put themselves in a position to get tested.