Venting Mental illness has made my life hell

[lifeisjusttorture33]

I can't stand this complete painful emotional rollercoaster going back and forth of deciding whether I should just CTB every time something new impossible to get around hurdle comes in my life to beat me down again, right after I've just barely "recovered" from the last. It's just a non stop battle of my own survival instincts going against themselves. feel like a punching bag to society having mental illness and being put in hospitals and wards where I get sucker punched, jumped, spit on by other patients just for feeling suicidal, getting judged by family and friends about how much of a crazy person I am, judge me how these chemicals work in my head as if anything in my life rn is tangible or at all under my control. The treatment for my disorder has been delayed, I'm forced to live life under their rules of having a miserable existence and waiting for them to finally just do something as I'm getting older and my mental health and problems are deteriorating more and more, I'm tired of being stuck inside my own head

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really tiring and dreadful what you go through, I see it as being so horrible how people suffer all through no fault of their own and how other people just make existing here even worse. But anyway best wishes.