MidnightDream
Warlock
- Sep 5, 2022
- 740
Does anyone else feel utterly hopeless with regards to mental health support and/or treatment that's (mostly not) available?
Ever since I aged out of CAMHS (UK child mental health services) I've just bounced from service to service, in and out of hospitals, with no one really giving a fuck.
BPD services are almost impossible to access without having been detained inpatient, and inpatient is hell on earth so I won't do it.
I'm too 'mentally ill' for your more accessible low mood/anxiety psychotherapy services, I'm 'too unstable' on the mood side of things for most autism services, and yet the one time I found a service that specialised in more complex mental health, the next step up, I was told I wasn't mentally ill enough!
Years of suicidal ideation, multiple failed attempts and 10 year SH history isn't mentally ill enough? Because I put makeup on to go to the appointment and 'didn't look mentally ill' ????
What exactly has a person got to do, in that case?
I made the stupid mistake of calling emergency services during my last attempt, I can only blame SI for that. After being detained by police and put on watch, I walked out of the hospital the second they turned their backs. Charmed a clueless nurse into letting me sign a release form, and that was it. Not a care in the world for the girl that tried to jump off a building.
It feels like you're either supposed to be fine, or you're supposed to allow yourself to be trapped in inpatient. No room for anything in between. And when you ctb as a result of it, we're to blame, rather than the absolutely shocking state of the healthcare system and the distinct lack of support even when you're on the brink. It gets talked about like we slipped under the rug, as if we hadn't been screaming the entire time.
Honestly, if I could access the right support, I don't know if I would even want to ctb. But that doesn't seem to exist, or at least isn't accessible. And that thought alone fuels my desire to ctb more than anything else. If there's no road to recovery, what's the point in even trying?? Might aswell just save the energy.
Ever since I aged out of CAMHS (UK child mental health services) I've just bounced from service to service, in and out of hospitals, with no one really giving a fuck.
BPD services are almost impossible to access without having been detained inpatient, and inpatient is hell on earth so I won't do it.
I'm too 'mentally ill' for your more accessible low mood/anxiety psychotherapy services, I'm 'too unstable' on the mood side of things for most autism services, and yet the one time I found a service that specialised in more complex mental health, the next step up, I was told I wasn't mentally ill enough!
Years of suicidal ideation, multiple failed attempts and 10 year SH history isn't mentally ill enough? Because I put makeup on to go to the appointment and 'didn't look mentally ill' ????
What exactly has a person got to do, in that case?
I made the stupid mistake of calling emergency services during my last attempt, I can only blame SI for that. After being detained by police and put on watch, I walked out of the hospital the second they turned their backs. Charmed a clueless nurse into letting me sign a release form, and that was it. Not a care in the world for the girl that tried to jump off a building.
It feels like you're either supposed to be fine, or you're supposed to allow yourself to be trapped in inpatient. No room for anything in between. And when you ctb as a result of it, we're to blame, rather than the absolutely shocking state of the healthcare system and the distinct lack of support even when you're on the brink. It gets talked about like we slipped under the rug, as if we hadn't been screaming the entire time.
Honestly, if I could access the right support, I don't know if I would even want to ctb. But that doesn't seem to exist, or at least isn't accessible. And that thought alone fuels my desire to ctb more than anything else. If there's no road to recovery, what's the point in even trying?? Might aswell just save the energy.
