Story Mental health is so weird

[hoppybunny]

I literally posted a vent about wanting to kill myself yesterday and not being able to cause i'm religious and now my life is like perfect and I have dreams and aspirations because I listened to the soundtrack of the Wicked musicals, and one song from the Mufasa movie.

It's really annoying to have such flip floppy mental health.

On the bright side i'm feeling genuiley amazing. I actually want to learn the choreography for wicked lol. But it's been super hard cause i'm overweight.

Something is probably gonna set me off on monday like a message from school and i'll post another suicidal vent then but for now i'm pretty happy.

Also, music really lifts my soul. I don't want to be a musician or anything but maybe i'll try out for a musical from an amateur production one day. Just once I'd like to try it.

 

[me_when_:D]

life is nothing but a series of lows and highs. Prolong the highs and shorten the lows and you will get some progress. (haha easier said than done)
I too have such flip floppy situation (basically all of my life) and I too am forced to live due to outside factors (my friend's bond to me).

What helped me to get off my rock bottom 3 years ago was laser focusing the reason that forces me to live and then trying to shut down the suicidal thoughts and anything that leads me to them. Sad music? poof, Self-isolation? I went to more of online spaces (preferably not suicide themed ones), cuz I had not access to IRL people back then, etc
You get the point.

However life still happens and if you are going through life alone (like not solitude alone, but loneliness alone) it is very easy to get thrown back to rock bottom, which happen to me few months ago. That friend and I are separated by distance and a little bit by misunderstanding of struggles, which qualifies me as alone at the moment.
So for my current situation I am planning on using my rare high to deal with university, so the next lows wouldn't be filled with guilt and anxiety over getting expelled.
I should be able to get through winter holidays with games, books, movies and tbh even bed-rotting is fine too, if it helps get through tough period.

I hope you get what I mean

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Music can control your mind. If u listen to sad music or music that kinda "tells you how you have to be" then this can have a strong influence on you how u feel. Whatever you decide to do I hope you find a way in the middle if you decide to go on and I also hope you will hve more highs than lows bc that is the key: Life consists of highs and lows but the highs on avg must outweigh the lows we experience - that is the base for an avg life.

 

[hoppybunny]

life is nothing but a series of lows and highs. Prolong the highs and shorten the lows and you will get some progress. (haha easier said than done)
I too have such flip floppy situation (basically all of my life) and I too am forced to live due to outside factors (my friend's bond to me).

What helped me to get off my rock bottom 3 years ago was laser focusing the reason that forces me to live and then trying to shut down the suicidal thoughts and anything that leads me to them. Sad music? poof, Self-isolation? I went to more of online spaces (preferably not suicide themed ones), cuz I had not access to IRL people back then, etc
You get the point.

However life still happens and if you are going through life alone (like not solitude alone, but loneliness alone) it is very easy to get thrown back to rock bottom, which happen to me few months ago. That friend and I are separated by distance and a little bit by misunderstanding of struggles, which qualifies me as alone at the moment.
So for my current situation I am planning on using my rare high to deal with university, so the next lows wouldn't be filled with guilt and anxiety over getting expelled.
I should be able to get through winter holidays with games, books, movies and tbh even bed-rotting is fine too, if it helps get through tough period.

I hope you get what I mean

I get what you mean. and thanks for this kind message. I hope everything goes well with your university. As someone also struggling with UNI, i know what it's like to have it control your mental health even when you try not to let grades define you. So i really hope things go well so you don't have to deal with the mental degredation that comes wiht low grades and failing. I don't know if you're planning to reduce the physical gap with your friend but if you are, I hope it goes well. and i hope you can get more irl friends (if you're looking for them ofc) I personally am looking for more friends irl after i graduate cause as much as i love my bestie, only having 1 irl friend can get lonely if they're busy.

Music can control your mind. If u listen to sad music or music that kinda "tells you how you have to be" then this can have a strong influence on you how u feel. Whatever you decide to do I hope you find a way in the middle if you decide to go on and I also hope you will hve more highs than lows bc that is the key: Life consists of highs and lows but the highs on avg must outweigh the lows we experience - that is the base for an avg life.

Thank you for your kind words. Your words are very true about music. But sometimes sad music when i'm sad actually helps more than happy and inspiring music cause it makes me no i'm not alone in my shitty and sad feelings, while a happy song in that moment comes off as mocking to me. Like i'm happy while your life is sucks.

I've found that in sad moments, sad songs are good but in neutral or happy moments, happy songs are best.

I also hope my highs are more than my lows as well. My life has just had prolonged lows with a bunch of happy bumps in the middle if that makes sense. So like my life isn't horrible my brain is really bad at handling the lows, especially with school and family loss since those are the most important things to me and also what life decides to ruin for me.

 

[Vacuous]

The unpredictability and chaotic nature of life is something that we're all beholden to, actually. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're a heck of a lot stronger because of your ability to push through, independent of the circumstances. Even if you may succumb to the pain initially (we all do), you're still here and you show great self-awareness and persistence. You acknowledge the periods of happiness and the periods of unhappiness, but there's a thread of hope you've been cultivating all this time, holding you safely throughout, even if it may feel weak and light, it's real.