men are so cruel

[miserabletires9]

I was here 4 years ago, because of a man. He used me for sex and took away all my money. And I thought it was love.

And now fast forward 4 years, and couple months ago, I met another. Didn't have any relations between 4 years. I was extremely lonely, and went on a dating app. He would tell me things like meeting my parents etc, living together, etc. Once we had sex, he barely texted me. Before sex, he would text me thousand times a day. Then the day before I left the country, he ask me for money. I felt a sense of dejavu. And of course, I gave again, and he discarded me again.

Then in the last month, I registered different dating profiles, and figured out that he swipes right on everyone, and if I pretend that I was looking for hook ups, he would say he's also looking for hookups. And if you say you are looking for a relationship, he would say he's also looking for a relationship. He also told me that he was 32, but told one profile that I made up, he was 29. And told another one that I made that he was 34. He would lie and say he was busy working when he was literally talking to the other fake profiles that I made up. If you ask him what he was doing last night, he would give a different answer to a different profile.

and yet, I strongly want him to take me back... I actually want him to talk to "me"

I figured that I have a strong anxious attachment issue. I was never given love as a child, never had love all my life. I am desperate for love. And at my age, it's never gonna come.

I look at my best friend who has a loving husband and 2 adorable kids, and I am even sadder.

And I have become a psycho in searching for this love and feeling betrayed over and over again. I was gonna wait until my parents die, because my death would kill them. They are old old, and they see me as their all. Yet they never really communicated with me. at this point, I don't care anymore. The pain is too much.

 

[orca87]

It's not men. It's not women.

It's just attachment style and trauma-bonding. It's hard enough for a sensitive person to cope with heartbreaking and unhappy endings.

But what you describe is even worse. I'm sorry that you had to go through all if this. Know that you are vulnerable and be aware that there are assholes out there that exploit your vulnerability. But don't lose faith in all humans, or all men, for that matter.

 

[voc_89]

as someone who has somewhat experienced the same kind of narcissitic behaviour, dating apps may not be the best place to pick up decent people. Where they are lol well if you figure it out please let me know. I am sad though that you experienced this. The worst I did was spend maybe $US4000 on someone who I met on a same dating app. Took the money and ran. Then tried to come back into my life December last year. You deserve better. Don't ever let someone use u up and think thats the best u deserve. Its tough but I rather stay single and die alone than be used up as someones play thing or cash cow. Not worth it

 

[miserabletires9]

as someone who has somewhat experienced the same kind of narcissitic behaviour, dating apps may not be the best place to pick up decent people. Where they are lol well if you figure it out please let me know. I am sad though that you experienced this. The worst I did was spend maybe $US4000 on someone who I met on a same dating app. Took the money and ran. Then tried to come back into my life December last year. You deserve better. Don't ever let someone use u up and think thats the best u deserve. Its tough but I rather stay single and die alone than be used up as someones play thing or cash cow. Not worth it

yesterday, i was trying to compose a message to him, saying that i really don't care if he's using me for sex or money, i just want to be able to see him again.

at the same time, I am trying to change. I got a therapist, although not sure how that's helping. I am going to church, people in church is so nice. They tell you once you believe, jesus's love is the eternal love. And I am sitting there, asking inside, but i just can't feel that love.

I've also wanted to reset my life. from college and onward. Never liked how I looked. And that's when i was young. Now old, is even uglier. It's too late to change. I rather reset and start a new.

 

[Holu]

I was here 4 years ago, because of a man. He used me for sex and took away all my money. And I thought it was love.

And now fast forward 4 years, and couple months ago, I met another. Didn't have any relations between 4 years. I was extremely lonely, and went on a dating app. He would tell me things like meeting my parents etc, living together, etc. Once we had sex, he barely texted me. Before sex, he would text me thousand times a day. Then the day before I left the country, he ask me for money. I felt a sense of dejavu. And of course, I gave again, and he discarded me again.

Then in the last month, I registered different dating profiles, and figured out that he swipes right on everyone, and if I pretend that I was looking for hook ups, he would say he's also looking for hookups. And if you say you are looking for a relationship, he would say he's also looking for a relationship. He also told me that he was 32, but told one profile that I made up, he was 29. And told another one that I made that he was 34. He would lie and say he was busy working when he was literally talking to the other fake profiles that I made up. If you ask him what he was doing last night, he would give a different answer to a different profile.

and yet, I strongly want him to take me back... I actually want him to talk to "me"

I figured that I have a strong anxious attachment issue. I was never given love as a child, never had love all my life. I am desperate for love. And at my age, it's never gonna come.

I look at my best friend who has a loving husband and 2 adorable kids, and I am even sadder.

And I have become a psycho in searching for this love and feeling betrayed over and over again. I was gonna wait until my parents die, because my death would kill them. They are old old, and they see me as their all. Yet they never really communicated with me. at this point, I don't care anymore. The pain is too much.

As a member of the male curse I have been and always will be behind KAM. Sheeet send me and address and I'll stab em for u.

Jokes aside I'm truly sorry for what you experienced. Those men deserve nothing but the absolute worst. You on the other hand do not deserve any of this pain. Whatever path, whatever route you chose, I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[Tartuffe]

Sorry

 

[voc_89]

its your life so u do what u think is best. I wouldn't go down that avenue though. It may be hard to believe at this time but better is still out there for you (I never thought it was possible but I had gfs who were more attractive or with better personalities than my first love). Typically I take about 2 years off to catch back myself after a failed relationship (so I intend to start back dating in October this year) but as I am getting older idk if I have that kind of luxury anymore lol. Also, regardless of your age, its never to late to redesign yourself. Wear different clothing (more fitted/loose styles). Change your hair style. How you interact with people etc. You will always have your base/comfort level and in time you can gradually introduce that person to the average you (as if they really care about you then they should accept all sides of you). Compromise is important but it should't be 100% on your end and 0% on the other persons end. Church is a good way to be in an environment of unconditional love and can work to help restore self-confidence. However, as with all good things in life, it takes time and effort. Regardless of what you decide, I hope it brings u the joy you deserve

 

[Holu]

its your life so u do what u think is best. I wouldn't go down that avenue though. It may be hard to believe at this time but better is still out there for you (I never thought it was possible but I had gfs who were more attractive or with better personalities than my first love). Typically I take about 2 years off to catch back myself after a failed relationship (so I intend to start back dating in October this year) but as I am getting older idk if I have that kind of luxury anymore lol. Also, regardless of your age, it's never too late to redesign yourself. Wear different clothing (more fitted/loose styles). Change your hair style. How you interact with people etc. You will always have your base/comfort level and in time you can gradually introduce that person to the average you (as if they really care about you then they should accept all sides of you). Compromise is important but it should't be 100% on your end and 0% on the other persons end. Church is a good way to be in an environment of unconditional love and can work to help restore self-confidence. However, as with all good things in life, it takes time and effort. Regardless of what you decide, I hope it brings u the joy you deserve

Atheist in me is screaming at this xD. That being said for a pro-recovery stance this well well written with good advice

 

[voc_89]

Atheist in me is screaming at this xD. That being said for a pro-recovery stance this well well written with good advice

lol I understand. I accept all view points... especially the ones that helps someone gain some relief or joy out of this cruel world. If people were more open minded about different view points or opinions the place would be so much better. Instead of the hell it has become.

 

[LittleJem]

I wish for you that you get to the point where you feel better and stronger for never contacting this arsehole again. Even if you are choosing loneliness instead. Even if you find someone else random to get him out your system. Do anything to move on.

I was obsessed with an arsehole for the past year. I was really lonely and vulnerable and got obsessed with him. I am so pleased that this weekend I have ignored him texting me. That I am free of this obsession with someone who was so cruel.

Once you get to this place of self preservation and also the awareness of what an arsehole this man is will I promise you be stronger than anything that you ever liked about him. The spell will be broken.

 

[chocolatebar]

I was here 4 years ago, because of a man. He used me for sex and took away all my money. And I thought it was love.

And now fast forward 4 years, and couple months ago, I met another. Didn't have any relations between 4 years. I was extremely lonely, and went on a dating app. He would tell me things like meeting my parents etc, living together, etc. Once we had sex, he barely texted me. Before sex, he would text me thousand times a day. Then the day before I left the country, he ask me for money. I felt a sense of dejavu. And of course, I gave again, and he discarded me again.

Then in the last month, I registered different dating profiles, and figured out that he swipes right on everyone, and if I pretend that I was looking for hook ups, he would say he's also looking for hookups. And if you say you are looking for a relationship, he would say he's also looking for a relationship. He also told me that he was 32, but told one profile that I made up, he was 29. And told another one that I made that he was 34. He would lie and say he was busy working when he was literally talking to the other fake profiles that I made up. If you ask him what he was doing last night, he would give a different answer to a different profile.

and yet, I strongly want him to take me back... I actually want him to talk to "me"

I figured that I have a strong anxious attachment issue. I was never given love as a child, never had love all my life. I am desperate for love. And at my age, it's never gonna come.

I look at my best friend who has a loving husband and 2 adorable kids, and I am even sadder.

And I have become a psycho in searching for this love and feeling betrayed over and over again. I was gonna wait until my parents die, because my death would kill them. They are old old, and they see me as their all. Yet they never really communicated with me. at this point, I don't care anymore. The pain is too much.

Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations that are obviously abusive to an external observer, but we can't figure out on our own...

As hard as it can be, you need to look at your situation from the outside and see how you're hurting yourself by not moving away and freeing yourself from that person.

You're fragilized, and trowing yourself in a place full of people trying to do anything for sex (dating apps, all of them). Perhaps you could take some time for yourself, to recover and get stronger, before meeting new people, who can take advantage from your current condition.

Don't put yourself down by thinking that you can't find love, or that there's something wrong with you

And one thing to remember is that people are often skeptical of strangers, and, if someone looks like the perfect pair for you in a five-minute talk, chances are that they're love-bombing you, a common tactic from abusive people.

 

[miserableforever]

I was here 4 years ago, because of a man. He used me for sex and took away all my money. And I thought it was love.

And now fast forward 4 years, and couple months ago, I met another. Didn't have any relations between 4 years. I was extremely lonely, and went on a dating app. He would tell me things like meeting my parents etc, living together, etc. Once we had sex, he barely texted me. Before sex, he would text me thousand times a day. Then the day before I left the country, he ask me for money. I felt a sense of dejavu. And of course, I gave again, and he discarded me again.

Then in the last month, I registered different dating profiles, and figured out that he swipes right on everyone, and if I pretend that I was looking for hook ups, he would say he's also looking for hookups. And if you say you are looking for a relationship, he would say he's also looking for a relationship. He also told me that he was 32, but told one profile that I made up, he was 29. And told another one that I made that he was 34. He would lie and say he was busy working when he was literally talking to the other fake profiles that I made up. If you ask him what he was doing last night, he would give a different answer to a different profile.

and yet, I strongly want him to take me back... I actually want him to talk to "me"

I figured that I have a strong anxious attachment issue. I was never given love as a child, never had love all my life. I am desperate for love. And at my age, it's never gonna come.

I look at my best friend who has a loving husband and 2 adorable kids, and I am even sadder.

And I have become a psycho in searching for this love and feeling betrayed over and over again. I was gonna wait until my parents die, because my death would kill them. They are old old, and they see me as their all. Yet they never really communicated with me. at this point, I don't care anymore. The pain is too much.

Sounds about right. I've seen those things with my own eyes. Many people, not all, have garbage morals tbh. I hope you'll find better out there, it does exist, it just requires a bit of patience and trust in the process.

 

[Forever Sleep]

yesterday, i was trying to compose a message to him, saying that i really don't care if he's using me for sex or money, i just want to be able to see him again.

at the same time, I am trying to change. I got a therapist, although not sure how that's helping. I am going to church, people in church is so nice. They tell you once you believe, jesus's love is the eternal love. And I am sitting there, asking inside, but i just can't feel that love.

I've also wanted to reset my life. from college and onward. Never liked how I looked. And that's when i was young. Now old, is even uglier. It's too late to change. I rather reset and start a new.

I'm so sorry you have had these experiences. I do completely understand being this besotted with someone. Still- I would say- you're worth so much more than this guy. Obviously- it's your life and your choice but he doesn't sound like the sort of person you're going to be able to change. Do you really want to be paying for someone's company/ affection with sex or money? Will that satisfy what you need?

I may be completely off here but it might be worth looking into 'limerance'. It's an obsessive form of love. 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy' does some really good videos on it on YouTube. I'm sure that ALL the crushes I have had have been this. I actually found that it helped me a lot to realise that I tend to be prone to it. I used to find myself hanging on to any moment I had with a particular person and fantasizing about it. Yet- when there were very clear red flags- it would only put me off for a short while and I'd be back to fantasizing about them again. I think in my case- it almost became an addiction to think about these people but it was incredibly bittersweet and overall- it was really bad for me. I can see it now- so- I tend to be really careful if I find myself doing it again.

Thing is- we CAN control what we think about. It's not at all easy and not pleasant- because fantasizing about someone can be a nice escape. Still- if you kind of admit to yourself that the 'version' of them you have in your head is probably only a very small fraction of who they are- I think that helps. Sorry to sound so blunt but put it this way- do you admire some of the things he does- deceives people presumably to try and have sex and money with as many as possible and then discards them? Fine- if that truly doesn't bother you but it sounds like it does.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd do your very best to cut all ties to this guy and even more importantly- do your best to stop fantasizing about him. I know it won't be easy but honestly- I lost years to these kinds of obsessions and I doubt it's worth it.

I wish you all the very best. I hope you do find a nice guy who can put all this into perspective. I'm actually the last person to give relationship advice but maybe friendships would be better to aim for initially. Common interests- like this church group. I suspect some dating apps will draw people who are only really looking for sex and will do whatever it takes to get it. I'm sure not all guys are like that but I know they're out there and I think maybe you need to avoid the areas in which they lurk.

 

[EmmaD]

This will probably come across as a really unhelpful reply but I'm just sharing what helps me I guess. Do you like animals? Do you have a pet? It sounds dumb but when I feel (frequently) that people let me down, being with my cat and having her unconditional love and company restores my faith in the world! There's no agenda with animals, they're never going to mug you off or let you down. And having a pet to care for is a nice thing.

 

[iamnotokaywiththis]

i was talking to this guy for a few weeks, and when i told him that i didn't want to see him again. this is the boy who said he really liked me, he wanted to meet up. now i know he only wanted me for nudes and sex. men are horrible. and i'm really scared he will find out where i live

 

[stermc]

Not every man, but always a man. It sucks.
My advice is to stop looking for love or expecting it to save you (we usually do that). Just focus on loving yourself and eventually you will find someone who is worth it (and if you don't, which I doubt, having yourself will be enough).