Suicidal Loser
Member
- Apr 29, 2023
- 31
I am not someone who has self-confidence in himself, but if there is one thing in life I trust in myself with, it is that I am very good at communicating with children. I owe this to my little sister. She was born when I was already 15, and I lost her when she was 8. Until she was born, I didn't really like children. I thought they were loud, annoying and I would stay away from them mostly. But my sister changed this perspective for me. As I started doing things together with her, went to park with her, pushed her on the swing, ate ice cream together etc... I started loving children, girls in general. So much so that I will always regret not studying something related to children, such as early childhood education to become a kindergarten teacher or something similar.
When I used to go pick my sister up from school, I would see her with her friends, and I would talk to them too, and they would all like me and enjoy talking to me. I would participate in their plays and we would play together and we would all have so much fun. After I lost my sister, it started to hurt so much seeing little children, especially girls outside. They all reminded me of my sister, so I would start crying out of nowhere whenever I saw little girls outside. Then in time, I started feeling happy as I saw them, and I would start interacting with them if the possibility was there. I still do it to this day, and every time, it ends up being a memorable moment for me in a good way. But mostly, parents will not be too thrilled about this and they will turn it into a memorable moment in a bad way.
One of those moments happened the other day. I was waiting for my turn in the hospital and in the waiting room there was just this little girl and she was playing with the toys that were in the room. She was 6, maybe 7, but not older. I started talking to her, and we were having a very nice conversation and she offered to play together, which I gladly accepted. Then after some time, her mother came from the doctor's room and said to the girl that it was time to go. By this moment, we already knew each other's names with the girl, and I said: "Bye, (Girl's Name)!", and she said it back: "Bye, (My Name)! Thanks for playing with me!". Her mother stopped suddenly, and looked at me as if she wanted to make sure that she was bothered by this. But she did not say anything, she just looked at me in an unfriendly way and left. At this point, I'm used to this kind of treatment by parents as someone who had this experience a lot. I'm also aware that this is not enough to come to the conclusion that she was necessarily rude to me, but it doesn't end here.
After I left the hospital, I went to the supermarket right across it, and as I was about to go to the checkout, I saw this little girl again in the confectionery aisle, and she was frantically looking for candies to make her mother buy one. I poked her gently on her back, and said "Hi, (Girl's Name)!". She was visibly happy as she turned around, then she waved at me and said "Hi, (My Name)!". Then, we started talking again, this time about our favorite candies. Her mother was in another aisle, and she came after some time, and saw us talking, and this time she was visibly bothered, and asked me in a hostile way why I was talking to her girl. I explained to her that we had a nice conversation in the hospital when she was playing, we played together and we got to know each other, and now that we saw each other again, we were both happy, and we were just having a nice chat. I also thought adding at the end that I lost my little sister and that's why I have a good connection with children, so that she doesn't think of me as some kind of weirdo, but I decided not to share this, because I wasn't sure if she would think of me as even more of a weirdo after hearing that. She didn't say anything, and took her daughter with her and left. The girl was looking in a very surprised way to her mother and asked her what the problem was.
Don't get me wrong. I understand. Every parent has the right to decide with whom their little child interacts or not, and I respect their wish. But what I do not understand is, if they are seeing it right there that their child is visibly having a good time, smiling, talking in a happy way, then what's wrong? We're in public, what will I do? It's not like we're talking in a very secluded area where no one can do anything in case I turn out to be a "dangerous" man. That is why I always try to do this in public areas so that parents do not feel the need to get defensive for whatever reason. Maybe it's my autism, but I genuinely can not see anything wrong with it.
This brings me to my title, every time I see this happening between a woman and a child, the exact opposite happens. The parents are always okay with it, and they even start talking to that woman in a friendly way, because for some reason, women are less "threatening" and they are not "dangerous" toward children, whereas parents are always cautious around me because for whatever reason, they have to believe that I'm a dangerous person who might do something to their child.
No need to mince words. It's because I'm a man. I can tell from different reactions by parents to myself and to women when they start having conversations with children outside. Most criminals are men, or however the prejudiced logic goes.
It's just not fair. I don't want to go outside anymore because even when I'm able to have a good time, it will still be ruined somehow by the society and their misplaced preconceptions.
Whatever, not long now until I'm with my baby sister.
When I used to go pick my sister up from school, I would see her with her friends, and I would talk to them too, and they would all like me and enjoy talking to me. I would participate in their plays and we would play together and we would all have so much fun. After I lost my sister, it started to hurt so much seeing little children, especially girls outside. They all reminded me of my sister, so I would start crying out of nowhere whenever I saw little girls outside. Then in time, I started feeling happy as I saw them, and I would start interacting with them if the possibility was there. I still do it to this day, and every time, it ends up being a memorable moment for me in a good way. But mostly, parents will not be too thrilled about this and they will turn it into a memorable moment in a bad way.
One of those moments happened the other day. I was waiting for my turn in the hospital and in the waiting room there was just this little girl and she was playing with the toys that were in the room. She was 6, maybe 7, but not older. I started talking to her, and we were having a very nice conversation and she offered to play together, which I gladly accepted. Then after some time, her mother came from the doctor's room and said to the girl that it was time to go. By this moment, we already knew each other's names with the girl, and I said: "Bye, (Girl's Name)!", and she said it back: "Bye, (My Name)! Thanks for playing with me!". Her mother stopped suddenly, and looked at me as if she wanted to make sure that she was bothered by this. But she did not say anything, she just looked at me in an unfriendly way and left. At this point, I'm used to this kind of treatment by parents as someone who had this experience a lot. I'm also aware that this is not enough to come to the conclusion that she was necessarily rude to me, but it doesn't end here.
After I left the hospital, I went to the supermarket right across it, and as I was about to go to the checkout, I saw this little girl again in the confectionery aisle, and she was frantically looking for candies to make her mother buy one. I poked her gently on her back, and said "Hi, (Girl's Name)!". She was visibly happy as she turned around, then she waved at me and said "Hi, (My Name)!". Then, we started talking again, this time about our favorite candies. Her mother was in another aisle, and she came after some time, and saw us talking, and this time she was visibly bothered, and asked me in a hostile way why I was talking to her girl. I explained to her that we had a nice conversation in the hospital when she was playing, we played together and we got to know each other, and now that we saw each other again, we were both happy, and we were just having a nice chat. I also thought adding at the end that I lost my little sister and that's why I have a good connection with children, so that she doesn't think of me as some kind of weirdo, but I decided not to share this, because I wasn't sure if she would think of me as even more of a weirdo after hearing that. She didn't say anything, and took her daughter with her and left. The girl was looking in a very surprised way to her mother and asked her what the problem was.
Don't get me wrong. I understand. Every parent has the right to decide with whom their little child interacts or not, and I respect their wish. But what I do not understand is, if they are seeing it right there that their child is visibly having a good time, smiling, talking in a happy way, then what's wrong? We're in public, what will I do? It's not like we're talking in a very secluded area where no one can do anything in case I turn out to be a "dangerous" man. That is why I always try to do this in public areas so that parents do not feel the need to get defensive for whatever reason. Maybe it's my autism, but I genuinely can not see anything wrong with it.
This brings me to my title, every time I see this happening between a woman and a child, the exact opposite happens. The parents are always okay with it, and they even start talking to that woman in a friendly way, because for some reason, women are less "threatening" and they are not "dangerous" toward children, whereas parents are always cautious around me because for whatever reason, they have to believe that I'm a dangerous person who might do something to their child.
No need to mince words. It's because I'm a man. I can tell from different reactions by parents to myself and to women when they start having conversations with children outside. Most criminals are men, or however the prejudiced logic goes.
It's just not fair. I don't want to go outside anymore because even when I'm able to have a good time, it will still be ruined somehow by the society and their misplaced preconceptions.
Whatever, not long now until I'm with my baby sister.
