Memories hurt so much

[Z-A]

Thinking about the times when I was actually happy and had fun times together with people that once were my friends but now are all gone just hurts so badly.

I'm just so exhausted from everything that nothing brings me joy anymore. I try to cherish the good memories but it hurts so badly that I want to cry because I will never be able to have such moments again. I'm 21 and for the last 5 years I've been so isolated from everyone and stopped working out, spending time with others, doing something productive…

I've had traumatic experiences which led me to become more and more depressive and emotionless. Later anxiety took over, I developed mental disorders and am now drugged daily to feel normal. I see no point in continuing to exist like this.

I started watching movies that I watched when I was younger, play games that remind me of the older times, rewatching videos from my childhood to try to feel the same way like in the past but I realised that's it's just a wish and it will never happen again. This is a sign that I came to an end in this life. This is a sign that I'm actually suicidal.

I really need to prepare myself to commit as soon as possible. The more I hold on to this life, the more I will suffer from the pain and the memories. I don't wanna get older and regret that I didn't commit earlier.

This site brought a little bit of light to me because I don't feel so alone in this and seeing people being very supportive and pro-choice makes me happy because in real life it's impossible to talk about these things.

I wish more people were like this maybe I would've ever recovered but now it's too late, it has all passed. Life really sucks and I feel so bad for everybody who's trapped in this world. I feel so sad. It's all so unnecessary.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I know it's unlikely but I like to work with odds - give it til 26/27. Your brain is still developing and making/changing connections. I'm 35 but other issues have caused me to find this place. Yeah the coping doesn't work as well and you do feel numb pretty much most of the time.

Yeah it's really terrible though. Situation, events, what happens. Even our dogs pass away eventually. Ironic that they don't care what state we are in but only live 12-15 years.

 

[restless.dreams]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Mental illness makes life so difficult, it's ruined friendships for me and turned me into someone I barely recognize. There are songs I can't listen to anymore because the memories hurt too much. It's a terrible thing not being able to find joy in life. Sending you strength <3

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is such a cruel existence where people suffer so much, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all, but anyway I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[escape_from_hell]

I am haunted by good memories too. Many will advise us to focus on the present and just meditate all ills away by being present in the present.
The brain is a beast though. When I actually start to experience something pleasant, it connects and summons good memories where such a feeling was more ample, and I am painfully cognizant of its transitory nature.
Gratitude is not easy. Appreciating the moment won't make it last any longer. Savoring something has its limits and I have repeatedly met disappointment trying to milk a moment. Gratitude is clinging and is as fleeting as the positive thing you are grateful for, because gratitude itself is a positive thing which is a limited experience in the reality we inhabit.
Still, I try. I try the postures and the meditations and the oms and the manbun slogans hoping for that escape. But the demons are laughing while they watch you roleplay and fantasize. They mount your soul and provide those fleeting joys as a carrot and stick. For tryharding is one extra layer of torment in hell.

 

[mtoro998]

Memories are my nightmares every night unless I take powerful sleeping pills to knock me out. I still have to deal with them while im awake though.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

In the last few weeks memories of better times have been haunting me. But it causes even more pain.

 

[Rational man]

Thinking about the times when I was actually happy and had fun times together with people that once were my friends but now are all gone just hurts so badly.

I'm just so exhausted from everything that nothing brings me joy anymore. I try to cherish the good memories but it hurts so badly that I want to cry because I will never be able to have such moments again. I'm 21 and for the last 5 years I've been so isolated from everyone and stopped working out, spending time with others, doing something productive…

I've had traumatic experiences which led me to become more and more depressive and emotionless. Later anxiety took over, I developed mental disorders and am now drugged daily to feel normal. I see no point in continuing to exist like this.

I started watching movies that I watched when I was younger, play games that remind me of the older times, rewatching videos from my childhood to try to feel the same way like in the past but I realised that's it's just a wish and it will never happen again. This is a sign that I came to an end in this life. This is a sign that I'm actually suicidal.

I really need to prepare myself to commit as soon as possible. The more I hold on to this life, the more I will suffer from the pain and the memories. I don't wanna get older and regret that I didn't commit earlier.

This site brought a little bit of light to me because I don't feel so alone in this and seeing people being very supportive and pro-choice makes me happy because in real life it's impossible to talk about these things.

I wish more people were like this maybe I would've ever recovered but now it's too late, it has all passed. Life really sucks and I feel so bad for everybody who's trapped in this world. I feel so sad. It's all so unnecessary.

Reading your story makes me sad. Sounds like you have suffered so much and you'd be only 21. Im a little older than you but I recognise some of your suffering in me. I too had good memories with people I loved but they have moved on, some have died. I found comfort in accepting that nothing in life is forevermore, its constant flux. Its easy to see hindsight of how things could have been different if xyz had happened but it didn't. Life can be really difficult.

 

[strangelife]

I'm not mentally ill, but I feel absolutely similar emotions remembering those times when I was cheerful and healthy, when I was doing my hobbies and enjoying life, it's really very hard, I can't laugh anymore, I can't get any positive emotions from this life

 

[theboy]

I hope you can forget the past or remember it without pain.

 

[Erick]

I'm not mentally ill, but I feel absolutely similar emotions remembering those times when I was cheerful and healthy, when I was doing my hobbies and enjoying life, it's really very hard, I can't laugh anymore, I can't get any positive emotions from this life

That's exactly how I feel. Good memories haunt me every second.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I wish I had not experienced the joy. It makes the darkness of the current state of my mind even darker

 

[hopeless08]

Thinking about the times when I was actually happy and had fun times together with people that once were my friends but now are all gone just hurts so badly.

I'm just so exhausted from everything that nothing brings me joy anymore. I try to cherish the good memories but it hurts so badly that I want to cry because I will never be able to have such moments again. I'm 21 and for the last 5 years I've been so isolated from everyone and stopped working out, spending time with others, doing something productive…

I've had traumatic experiences which led me to become more and more depressive and emotionless. Later anxiety took over, I developed mental disorders and am now drugged daily to feel normal. I see no point in continuing to exist like this.

I started watching movies that I watched when I was younger, play games that remind me of the older times, rewatching videos from my childhood to try to feel the same way like in the past but I realised that's it's just a wish and it will never happen again. This is a sign that I came to an end in this life. This is a sign that I'm actually suicidal.

I really need to prepare myself to commit as soon as possible. The more I hold on to this life, the more I will suffer from the pain and the memories. I don't wanna get older and regret that I didn't commit earlier.

This site brought a little bit of light to me because I don't feel so alone in this and seeing people being very supportive and pro-choice makes me happy because in real life it's impossible to talk about these things.

I wish more people were like this maybe I would've ever recovered but now it's too late, it has all passed. Life really sucks and I feel so bad for everybody who's trapped in this world. I feel so sad. It's all so unnecessary.

I'm glad you feel supported on here and that you are not alone. I can't think about past memories when I was at a happy point in my life, listen to music from that period, watch movies of those times I can't even look at photos it affects me so much. I hate it, it hurts me to even dream about myself in the past. It has become a sort of trauma . So I get you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I relate to this! Memories of better times, when life was a happy life and everything was good can be quite depressing.

 

[iloverachel]

I can so relate.
Life has always been bad for me
But I still remember the times when I didn't have severe depression or suicidal thoughts, and was not stressed and miserable 24/7. I wish I could go back in time when my brain was better, but I have no idea how.

Life is full of painful memories