Story Zi’s Diary, peaceful plan, entry 3

[1monthwait]

I've usually posted later in the evenings but I have to make an entry early.

Late last night me and my younger sister had a conversation…

"I was scared to tell you this…but I kept thinking about asking you if you'd like to commit together?"


I immediately went still. I never thought she'd say that.


"Actually I thought of it too…and that it would be nice if we could hold each others hand as we jump"

I said back quietly…a few months ago it was very hard not to ask if she'd want to commit with me.

The conversation went a bit deeper, and if you've read my previous posts you will have known that I'm actually starting to feel better.

"I want us to give it one more chance…try to be happy, and if things get really bad than we can make that decision."

We talked into more details that I'll keep private but I feel so relieved, that if the time comes I won't have to do it alone and we'll make sure not to chicken out.

I still want to try, and she's still very young so we also talked about how we should wait until we're older just in case if it's an impulsive decision. When she's 25 I'll be around thirty…she's still young and I think I can hang on another 10 years, we will have lived and have had real time to think about this decision.

It really does make me feel relieved and even though it was just last night just knowing I have an option makes me really want to live my life to the fullest.


On another note, for today I'm going to write more which I'm very proud of the first draft I've made! I'm going to possibly make a special dinner for my other sister who's getting out of the hospital soon and might try painting!

Honestly I'm feeling really good about things, I like things simple. A simple life is good for me.

I'm also excited about making a few friends on here

 

[timf]

I don't know if you appreciate the influence an older sister can have. You might want to be careful about how much she sees you endorsing suicide. If you focus on both helping yourself and helping her, it might build a momentum to an improved life. You might also start to see life as something which you can influence and control rather than life being something that just happens to you.

 

[1monthwait]

I don't know if you appreciate the influence an older sister can have. You might want to be careful about how much she sees you endorsing suicide. If you focus on both helping yourself and helping her, it might build a momentum to an improved life. You might also start to see life as something which you can influence and control rather than life being something that just happens to you.

I understand, that's why I would have never brought it up to her.

But, we only talked about it for around 7 minutes. For her, I don't want it to be an impulsive decision, so I did tell her if we really haven't experienced anything good in the next coming years and things only get worse I'll be by her side.

I probably won't be bringing it up for a long time, she's struggled with many of self destructive behaviors and has anxiety and just now I thought, "she deserves to have a chance to try to heal herself"

But yes I understand, thank you for your insight.