May try to jump tonight

[Cheesedoodle 1]

I have been looking around the board for a while and I can't think of another way. I tried the night night method and my head just turned purple, never blacked out. I tried putting a plastic bag over my head and just tried toughing through the SI and I lasted 3 seconds. I don't think I have the skills to hang myself, and I don't have access to a gun. I even messaged some people selling guns in classifieds in the area and they all said they would have to do the sale legally through a FFL and my background check wouldn't pass.

There is a bridge a few towns over that is 200 foot high. I just don't know if I drove to it and walked up the railing that I could actually do it. I want to do it, I honestly don't want to be alive. I didn't ask to be born, so I feel it should be my right to exit this world if I want to. Life just feels like a lot of work and an up hill battle, and for what???

So I just don't know if I walk up to this railing, 20 stories up, how I can get the courage to actually do it. I have been studying it on google maps on where to park and where to walk and about where it looks like it would be a good place to jump on to train tracks. I read articles where others have successfully jumped from this bridge and died so I know its doable. Ill write back tomorrow morning if I didn't do it. I really want to but right now i feel like there is a 5% chance ill actually get in the car and drive that way. I guess my main fear would it not being successful, but 200 feet over solid ground from what I read sounds pretty certain. I also fear someone seeing me walking along the bridge and stopping and contemplating. I don't want to go back in a Physc ward again. I guess if I drove to the bridge tonight i could just keep thinking of everything that has me upset and stressed out and hopefully I can do it when I get there.

Enough of me rambling.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry things have gotten so dark for you. I have no idea how people overcome SI when jumping from great heights. All I can offer are some gentle hugs

 

[Macc Lad]

good luck!

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

I feel like the chances are increasing. I wrote my wife a note on her computer and if i go through with this ill message her where it is right before I jump. Wondering if I should take some alcohol with me to help.

I just feel super trapped in this world!

 

[jake3d]

If anything, alcohol would increase the chances of accidentally accomplishing your task, i'd go for it.

 

[fastFWD]

hey friend i hope things work out for you. nothing you and your wife could do/say/talk about to get you to stay? if u leave a note and stay/fail she might be so upset that she might lose faith in your relationship and leave you making things worse! just be careful and good luck with whatever u decide

 

[Severen]

In war, some soldiers drink their courage... Maybe just get really drunk?

 

[Ruffian]

You can look at the Resources thread - it specifies in pretty uncertain terms how to make a jump lethal. I have no idea how people do it - I don't think it's possible for me to get that drunk. I would need to basically be in a drug induced black-out and fall unintentionally.

 

[Severen]

You can look at the Resources thread - it specifies in pretty uncertain terms how to make a jump lethal. I have no idea how people do it - I don't think it's possible for me to get that drunk. I would need to basically be in a drug induced black-out and fall unintentionally.

Well if you attach a weight to one of your legs, you are pretty much fucked. When you panic and try to swim to the surface, you wont succeed.

 

[Ruffian]

Is it wrong that this thread made me laugh twice now?

 

[Soul]

Well if you attach a weight to one of your legs, you are pretty much fucked. When you panic and try to swim to the surface, you wont succeed.

@Cheesedoodle 1 is talking about jumping from a bridge above some railroad tracks. Swimming to the surface is contraindicated.

Here are more hugs, @Cheesedoodle 1

 

[SomebodyBroken]

Swimming to the surface is contraindicated.

There is a suspicion that you have not tried this method. suddenly it turns out that all is not so bad, and there is still air. well, or you swallow the water, but still pops up.
hyperventilation is a very funny thing, until it turned out well on the sea to do it .. although at home it turns out q_q

upd: and yes, for the future (whoever will read it again, it will suddenly come in handy).
if you didn't succeed the first time, fear of water will appear, though ... it is individual. at least i find reasons to try partial hanging or order sn... i hate SI xD

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

Keep thinking about driving towards the bridge after my wife goes to bed. I plan on taking my DSLR in case a cop sees me on the bridge and asks what I'm up to on the bridge late at night. I'll say I'm taking pics of the valley at night cause I couldn't sleep. I keep looking at the bridge on Google Earth and the hand rail isn't that high for it being 200 ft tall. Hope I can do it cause I'm really done living. I am only 35 and I don't feel like I have 50 more freaking struggling years in me. If I fall somewhat head first, at 200 feet shouldn't death pretty much be guaranteed?

 

[bitterness]

hey bro good luck. i hope you find happiness beyond and its moderately painless. i understand the struggle aAA and i wanna hug you so badly ;n;

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

Idk if I can go through with jumping. I might just do a dry run tonight and drive to the bridge. I would love to be able to jump.

 

[bitterness]

Idk if I can go through with jumping. I might just do a dry run tonight and drive to the bridge. I would love to be able to jump.

just take some time to think okay?? im not trying to be pro life here but you seem like a cool person.. maybe just buy some food and treat yourself one last time before jumping, if you're in the mood haha. im a fatass so that's what i would do. just please take some time to think

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Please update us... things can be better... yea?

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

just take some time to think okay?? im not trying to be pro life here but you seem like a cool person.. maybe just buy some food and treat yourself one last time before jumping, if you're in the mood haha. im a fatass so that's what i would do. just please take some time to think

Thanks. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this and I really just can't handle life and it's problems anymore. If there was an easy way to off myself I would be gone by now. Seems like things were a lot easier back in day when a car running in the garage could kill you or a bunch of sleeping pills. Wish there was an easier way. I still may drive that way but I have to be honest with myself that I don't think I will jump. I may take some Ativan on the way to help chill me out and maybe I can actually go through with it.

Please update us... things can be better... yea?

No, I want to be gone so bad but don't have the guts to do anything. I think going for a ride over there may help me build up to doing it over time. I just hope if I walk on the bridge I don't get seen by police. It's a known jumping spot.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Thanks. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this and I really just can't handle life and it's problems anymore. If there was an easy way to off myself I would be gone by now. Seems like things were a lot easier back in day when a car running in the garage could kill you or a bunch of sleeping pills. Wish there was an easier way. I still may drive that way but I have to be honest with myself that I don't think I will jump. I may take some Ativan on the way to help chill me out and maybe I can actually go through with it.

No, I want to be gone so bad but don't have the guts to do anything. I think going for a ride over there may help me build up to doing it over time. I just hope if I walk on the bridge I don't get seen by police. It's a known jumping spot.

Listen, I totally get it and have been there many times before. Actually facing the same situation a few moments ago... I try and I get intervened. It's like fate. I wonder how many people may gain healing from your strength in sharing your transparency. You are not alone...

Please know you are not alone in your pain. I was so hoping to hear from you... I read your post and it immediately caught my attention... I relate a lot. I hear you. I understand it. You're not alone. Hugs.
I just feel like you have so much to offer to others... you're so brave in your authenticity.

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

I wish I could just get a hold of a firearm. I'd do that over jumping.

 

[SomebodyBroken]

Please, don't do it. I attempted suicide 20 years ago. I'm glad I'm still alive.

Why do you think that he is in a similar situation and is experiencing it exactly as you?
and to give such advice on this forum is a bit strange. can read the forum rules?)

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I wish I could just get a hold of a firearm. I'd do that over jumping.

I can relate... I'm also extremely terrified of it too. I had 2 close people in my life commit that way, it is not the best way for their "finders" to see them...

 

[throwaway123]

hey man
In the past few days I have seen a lot of people here talking about jumping. Let me tell you this from experience. Don't try to jump. You jump, that's it.
The moment you realize that CTB is the only way out is the moment you start seriously thinking what method works. You will take whatever works. Remember. Beggars can't be choosers.
This can take a lot of time. Suicide is not a thing you just do it's a process that often takes many years , quite often decades. That's the harsh reality. The method never really matters. What matters is the succes rate...
I've been saying this a lot. When you're ready you will do it on your own. Trust your inner self. Without it's permission you will never be able to CTB. Even if you had N.

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

It's 3 am and I am still at home. Maybe tomorrow night I'll do it. I have to do it eventually because there is a lot coming up in my life I simply can't handle.

 

[Soul]

There is a suspicion that you have not tried this method. suddenly it turns out that all is not so bad, and there is still air. well, or you swallow the water, but still pops up.
hyperventilation is a very funny thing, until it turned out well on the sea to do it .. although at home it turns out q_q

upd: and yes, for the future (whoever will read it again, it will suddenly come in handy).
if you didn't succeed the first time, fear of water will appear, though ... it is individual. at least i find reasons to try partial hanging or order sn... i hate SI xD

Again, my point was that the OP isn't talking about jumping into water. He's talking about jumping onto railroad tracks. Dry land. No swimming involved.

 

[PatKat]

I have been looking into the Royal Gorge in Colorado. I may travel there soon to check it out at least I will get to see something beautiful. I am not going to jump just wanna look over and see how it feels to just look. Kinda off topic, but this post reminded me of the beautiful place.

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

Now knowing I have to face another day is making me super anxious. I wish I had another way to end this other than jumping.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Please, don't do it. I attempted suicide 20 years ago. I'm glad I'm still alive.

Why are you here then?
You're not offering support
You're not asking him about his situation
You're not even offering condolences
Just a simple "don't do it" as if that helps or stops anybody. What was the entire point of your post? I'm not being a dick but I presume I know where you came from and words like that help nobody.

 

[Soul]

Now knowing I have to face another day is making me super anxious. I wish I had another way to end this other than jumping.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Do you want to talk about what's wrong? We know you've been in a psych ward, that you have a wife and a car, and that you feel done with life. If talking about it could help at all, please do. We'll listen.

 

[Cheesedoodle 1]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Do you want to talk about what's wrong? We know you've been in a psych ward, that you have a wife and a car, and that you feel done with life. If talking about it could help at all, please do. We'll listen.

I don't know, I am just incredibly overwhelmed with work and life. My job has become unbearable but pays me well. I can't take a lower paying job with less stress and still maintain my current life. I am not having a very good work day right now so my chances of jumping are going up. If its just a percentage higher idk but its definitely going up.