Many of us ask for help. Many of us reach out. Many of us try to talk. It falls on deaf ears.

[LastLoveLetter]

People say that suicidal people do not ask for help. There are slogans such as "it's okay not to be okay", "there is light at the end of the tunnel" and "you are never alone," as if we are the barrier to our own survival. As if help is always right there, readily available and all we need to do is ask.

I can honestly say that in my situation and with many others I have met who are (or were) suicidal, this is not the case. Every time I extended my hand to the services we are constantly told will help us, no-one reached back. Instead, I was pushed down further, knocked onto my knees. There was no light at the end of the tunnel for me, only perpetual fumbling in the darkness, while those who were supposed to help kept the flashlight out of reach.

More recently, my local mental health team even advised me to "call a helpline" if I feel desperate for support, because they are unwilling to provide any help or treatment whatsoever. Simply for asking for help, for saying that previous temporary support has not been enough to help in any meaningful way, I've been branded a lost cause and treated like a pariah. They said "we are closing your case and you can call helplines" as if my life means nothing, as if I'm just shit stuck under their shoe that they can't scrub off quickly enough.

There comes a point where we stop trying. It could be after the thousandth platitude, after the hundredth time we are labelled "attention-seeking", after the fiftieth promised phone call from the local mental health team that never transpires, or the twentieth time we are told that if we truly wanted to die, we would have "just done it by now." It could be after we confide in the professionals we are supposed to trust, only to hear deafening silence in return.

There comes a point where we stop trying. And ironically, it is the moment we do - the moment we end our misery - that people have the hypocrisy to say "I wish they reached out."

I am writing this to say that I did reach out. Repeatedly. Until eventually, I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that my life is over and that there isn't a single person who truly cares whether I live or die. I did not sit suffering in silence and then quietly kill myself. I asked for help over and over. I was vocal about my struggles and about my urgent need for help to cope. Those pleas fell on deaf ears.

 

[MrDarkness]

I can relate to this on some level, the system where I live hasn't given up on me, but has taken for ever to help me, my friends just tell me that their hope and there is light out of the tunnel.

My heart is broken, my body is scarred.
I can't not feel love anymore
I feel nothing. I am not a lost cause, I am a husk, a husk that can't be saved.

I hope your able to find peace

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry, know how this species all talk no give rl hlp no any only talk. This all prolif platiud keep sffr force sffr nomore, see wat hpn me injury damage all ppl lev nobod care try try try all no talk no any ,all awfl.

This vry cruel trt no use v awfl hlth srvc all show, this make sffr lot know how try no hlp day gslt hpcrs etc

kno how feel alll life ppl etc nobod care this all end ppl no care all show know how feel no use, this me no say platiud me care u have peace live die any hope peace, see u sffr no hlp etc v cruel vry sry hug, this now me=1 think othr ppl care u have peace live die here forum this not only usnm this prsn sffr ,me rly hope u peace v undrstd lony sffr

 

[day]

I've been reaching out for awhile now about my issues even had a friend take my firearm from me (which I now regret) it's obvious I'm suffering and it really seems people don't care. Yea they do the whole "it gets better thing" but it seems like the words they give me are just to fulfill their own selfish prophecy of "I tried to help" when I inevitably CTB.

If anything reaching out to anyone has made me feel like an inferior, well that's how they treat it. I'm not looking to be babied I'm looking for purpose. Places like this forum are one of the few outlets I can have without feeling like I'm some turbo mentally ill loser obsessed with death. People here are so nice and actually understanding of one another's suffering it's some of the best therapy I've received.

If I make a recovery I can definitely thank SaSu for being one of the reasons. Prior to frequenting here I felt incredibly alone.

 

[Hollowman]

I wish I had all the time and money back that I wasted on trying to get help. What a cruel joke.

 

[todiefor]

I actually have no idea how to get any help. If I actually spoke to someone honestly, I'm very suicidal, wouldn't I just be sent somewhere? No way I want that to happen. How and where could I possibly be honest other than on this forum?

 

[EternalOblivion]

I've been having similar thoughts for the past two weeks. It's especially insulting to see all these so-called resources and useless platitudes regarding how help is out there. Sure: there is help - but the more "affordable" options predominantly consist of subpar care.
I tried to get therapy. I attempted to connect with a friend. Nothing came from any of it because I was rejected from the get-go. This forum is the only place that makes me feel less alone.

 

[Elliana Berriana]

Even when someone receives help, it doesn't always work. My parents do their best to help me, but I still want to CTB. Sometimes, a person simply cannot be helped. For me, every time someone tries to help me, I may feel better for a bit, but soon, the pain will come back. It's all hopeless, futile. Some people just can't live their lives, for whatever reason, and nothing can help that.

 

[wristcutangel]

i vividly recall sobbing to my family, begging them to get me help but they never cared. even now i'm still begging my friends to just be there and nothing more. the idea that anyone can easily get help if they just reach out is a joke.

 

[The anhedonic one]

They obviously don't care, yet have to give the impression that they do care.
If they really cared then they would help us to stop suffering by making access to Nembutal a legal right.
These people are also responsible for creating mental illnesses in the first place because they are the ones who have helped create this very toxic society.

 

[SilentSadness]

Of course, they are not interested in the suffering of suicidal people. No one who cared would have so little awareness to work in that for-profit industry. It's exhausting to constantly have problems belittled as if they are nothing. And any "help" that is given is only intended to harass the suicidal person for responding negatively to their suffering.

 

[90starve]

i reached out to my local mental health team and was stuck on a waiting list for CBT therapy for 3 months.

when i finally had my initial assessment by phone, they told me that they weren't qualified to deal with my level of severity - they then stuck me onto another waiting list for 2 months.

i was then contacted by phone and told that i have been referred to Dr Julian Online Therapy (it's like BetterHelp) because their service was too busy. i was just offloaded after having waited for almost half a year.

the online therapist was absolutely useless, and spoke to me with a robotic and scripted tone. for example, she asked me "what sort of self care activities do you do?". cleaning my house and washing myself regularly was the only thing i could think of - she told me that "wasn't really an acceptable answer because everybody does that", and prodded me to think of something else.

talking to her was absolutely humiliating and degrading.

im disgusted by the lack of mental health support in the UK.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I would love to reach out if I could but I'm afraid of the risk of losing everything good I have in my life at the cost of getting my head fixed. At the same time I'm also afraid that the help won't actually help and I lose everything anyways.

 

[carac]

I can't speak for other countries but the UK is in such a state right now, You can't see a doctor, all you get is "go to 111" which basically gave me the worst advice probably possible. When I actually got to speak to someone they basically said "do you want to die or not?" I spent months saying to my family that I wanted to to die and if they(the health service) can't or won't help they should at least let people who are suffering die.
All I can say is I got lucky, in the end I persevered and stumbled on something that was able to help when the health service completely let me down. I'm just annoyed that I could have been shown this much earlier or that I may not have found it at all.

 

[UKscotty]

People don't care that's the reality.

When we open up, we become a burden people don't want and they try and get rid of us.

It's better to suffer in silence as people are not interested in hearing it.

The ones who claim to care only do so as long as they are getting paid.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I've had people tell me they don't want to say much to me about these topics because they're afraid of saying the wrong stuff. So it's better not to talk about it.

It's not.