Ever since I was a wee little kid is create bunch of outlandish and maybe even creative stories, maps and characters inside my head and get very attached to them. I would daydream for hours on end to the point that every morning I wake up I'd wish It was night again just so I could freely daydream without any interruptions. This is fine it's probably normal for a kid but this daydreaming turned into an addiction to the point I'd heavily neglect my actual life and was basically speedrunning absolutely destroying my life as early as possible. I now have extremely small attention span and my brain is extremely mushy I genuinely struggle with critical thinking and my memory is shit.
There's also another thing. In my daydreams I have created this world where I am exactly how I want to be, it's like a chqracter of it's own. The character I want to be is male, he's young, tall and very strong. He has alot of charisma and attracts lots of peope despite not having any desire for forming bonds with people. And he's so cool as in he has many cool hobbies and interests, he's heavily into technology and has amazing craftsmanship skills, which makes him very good at tackling problems. He's also heavily into calisthenics and lifting. His life is definitely not easy but it's still such a fun life. He also has a lovely partner that's the exact type of partner that I'd want, my dream partner. And so much more.
The main problem is thqt I'm extremely attached to this whole story and want my life to be exactly like his and i want to be exactly like him too. I want to be completely indistinguishable from him and if I dont become him I'd rather die than not be him. The problem is that I literally cannot be him, it's genuinely impossible. We're completely different. Different looks, different personalities, different gender, completely different family and even age wise we're completely different. I also cannot have that lifestyle because I'm old now and he's young, just stepping into life basically. It's just not possible.
I've went to lengths as far as trying reality shifting which did not work. It infact made me dive further deep into my escapism and ever since discovering shifting that's exactly the point where my life was over basically and there's no one else to blame but me.
I cannot accept the fact that I can't have that lifestyle or that I can't be that character I'd rather just die than to live as someone that's not him.
There's also another thing. In my daydreams I have created this world where I am exactly how I want to be, it's like a chqracter of it's own. The character I want to be is male, he's young, tall and very strong. He has alot of charisma and attracts lots of peope despite not having any desire for forming bonds with people. And he's so cool as in he has many cool hobbies and interests, he's heavily into technology and has amazing craftsmanship skills, which makes him very good at tackling problems. He's also heavily into calisthenics and lifting. His life is definitely not easy but it's still such a fun life. He also has a lovely partner that's the exact type of partner that I'd want, my dream partner. And so much more.
The main problem is thqt I'm extremely attached to this whole story and want my life to be exactly like his and i want to be exactly like him too. I want to be completely indistinguishable from him and if I dont become him I'd rather die than not be him. The problem is that I literally cannot be him, it's genuinely impossible. We're completely different. Different looks, different personalities, different gender, completely different family and even age wise we're completely different. I also cannot have that lifestyle because I'm old now and he's young, just stepping into life basically. It's just not possible.
I've went to lengths as far as trying reality shifting which did not work. It infact made me dive further deep into my escapism and ever since discovering shifting that's exactly the point where my life was over basically and there's no one else to blame but me.
I cannot accept the fact that I can't have that lifestyle or that I can't be that character I'd rather just die than to live as someone that's not him.
