I want to say firstly that I know not everyone feels the same about this topic. It may be a highly controversial one. It's simply a discussion I wanted to open for those who are interested. For the record, this discussion is not discussing whether we should stay alive for others. It is discussing how to make things easier on them while they deal with your potential death. Some of us don't feel that they care about our loved ones at the time of death and so this discussion would, as it stands, not apply to those of you in that case. Some of us don't have the energy, willpower, or ability to do anything about some of these matters, that is understandable.
If you've been planning suicide for a long time, it may have crossed your mind at some point that the impact that the loss of you will have on those around you will be profound and permanent. In my younger years, I thought otherwise, that "no one would remember me" and "I wouldn't have a funeral". This couldn't be farther from the truth and was quite immature and ignorant of me at the time. The truth is, for most people (except for a few who are truly alone), there will be friends and family who deal with what happens once you are gone. Many will suffer PTSD, severe depression, and even consider and attempt at ending their own lives. I am not saying this is a reason to stay alive, but that it would be a lie to state that this doesn't happen. It simply does. If anyone would like to join, I'd like to discuss ideas and possibilities for making things as easy as possible for these ones that continue to live on after losing us. I understand that not everyone cares about this or is able to do so, but for some it is a consideration that is important to us, if we have control over it. I think it is at least a discussion worth having, at a bare minimum. There are some important questions that we all need to question before making any decisions.
My ideas so far include the following:
1) Ending your life in a place other than where friends/families live. Killing yourself fucks up the lives of friends and family permanently. Fairly mentally healthy family members can turn into broken individuals who struggle with severe issues the rest of their lives. They can lose their jobs, lose their kids, lose everything. Much like many of us have. In a way, we are passing on our struggles on to others, as these struggles leave one person and enter another. Finding a body only adds to that. If you can, it could be smart to let the coroner and police handle it. They will have to anyway. Letting your family see your bloated, rottingly putrid, eyes popping out of your head, dead body is an additional blow to them that they will remember forever. Consider at least a text telling your family not to come home that day and to call the police and why. I've never seen a dead body, but I've smelled an apartment where the last tenant died of old age, and the smell can stick for months or years. If I had to smell my dead son, daughter, or girlfriend every morning while I make breakfast, I would have to move. The next house your family moves to will always be associated with your death. They'll never be happy there, maybe ever again.
2) Leaving a note. A huge debate when it comes to suicide. But, people blame themselves, they wonder why it happened, they wish they could ask you things that they now can't. Contact with you is immediately cut off with no way of communication at all, just immediate nothingness. At least one way communication, written ahead of time, could (in many cases) inevitably help them out. Why did you do it? Do you feel it was it anyone's fault (or not)? Being honest may be better than nothing. What are you wishes for burial, etc? What should be done with your things? A living will may be very helpful with this, they are free on many websites to write a legal will. Important too, because of you fuck up your suicide, have you decided whether you want your family to pull the plug when you are a vegetable? What if you have no family? Have you decided if the state will pull the plug? Ten minutes of research on the laws in your area would be worth avoiding 10, 20, or more years lying in a bed as a vegetable, unable to communicate and living off of feeding tubes. A much worse nightmare than your current one.
3) Taking care of your immediate things. I remember a story once from a family who lost their son when he was young. The hardest part was coming home, and seeing his toys laid out on the floor from the last time he played with them, just a day before. They couldn't touch them for months. Depression is hell, but consider not leaving your place a mess. For the person who has to go through your dirty clothes from the last time you wore them, chose what to do with your things, or clean the plate on the table from the meal you are just yesterday, it can make things a million times harder on the day you disappear. If you have it in you and care to make this difference, clean up where you live. Wash the dishes you last used. Wash your clothes. Write down where you want done with your things, particularly if you have anything expensive. Sometimes, this type of behavior may be alarming to those near us and may be seen as a red flag. Perhaps you may need to be discreet.
4) Tying things up. Offering any possible closure. The hardest suicides on families seem to be the ones where the last time they saw you, your words were "fuck you" and you walked out the door. That may be a fine ending for people who hated you deep down, but for true friends and loved ones, that's going to be a permanent, burning scar. This is up for debate. I'd like to hear opinions. If the last time they see you is negative, will they miss you less? If the last time is a positive experience (eg. Telling them that you love them with a hug) will they miss you more? It likely depends on the situation and the people involved. Everyone's life is different. It's something to think about. Certainly, care would need to be taken as red flags can be thrown up easily. But depending on your life, I imagine this could make a huge, huge difference, even more than a suicide note. Telling your dad, who worked his whole life to save for college for you, that you're thankful for that. Telling your mom who helped you through a hard time that that she did everything she could and it helped. Telling your sister you've always been thankful for the notes she sends you. Telling your friend, that the times you hung out or talked on the phone were some of the best times in your life. I know everyone's life is entirely different, these are just examples. This would entirely change a person's view on whether or not they feel guilty for the rest of their lives. If you live to be 20, and then kill yourself, that's a maximum of twenty years of suffering (at most) and a quick enough suicide. Your friend, or sibling, etc would have 60ish more years to suffer as you pass your problems onto them. Consider at least absolving their guilt with a heartfelt comment, if you can without raising suspicion.
These are just a few of my thoughts. As time goes on I hope to think of more. I would like to hear other people's thoughts, whether they are positive or negative. This is one of my greatest considerations as I know perhaps I cannot live on, but my family has to. And I know what hell feels like, but I don't want them to feel it every day, or at least, I would like to soften the blow.
If you've been planning suicide for a long time, it may have crossed your mind at some point that the impact that the loss of you will have on those around you will be profound and permanent. In my younger years, I thought otherwise, that "no one would remember me" and "I wouldn't have a funeral". This couldn't be farther from the truth and was quite immature and ignorant of me at the time. The truth is, for most people (except for a few who are truly alone), there will be friends and family who deal with what happens once you are gone. Many will suffer PTSD, severe depression, and even consider and attempt at ending their own lives. I am not saying this is a reason to stay alive, but that it would be a lie to state that this doesn't happen. It simply does. If anyone would like to join, I'd like to discuss ideas and possibilities for making things as easy as possible for these ones that continue to live on after losing us. I understand that not everyone cares about this or is able to do so, but for some it is a consideration that is important to us, if we have control over it. I think it is at least a discussion worth having, at a bare minimum. There are some important questions that we all need to question before making any decisions.
My ideas so far include the following:
1) Ending your life in a place other than where friends/families live. Killing yourself fucks up the lives of friends and family permanently. Fairly mentally healthy family members can turn into broken individuals who struggle with severe issues the rest of their lives. They can lose their jobs, lose their kids, lose everything. Much like many of us have. In a way, we are passing on our struggles on to others, as these struggles leave one person and enter another. Finding a body only adds to that. If you can, it could be smart to let the coroner and police handle it. They will have to anyway. Letting your family see your bloated, rottingly putrid, eyes popping out of your head, dead body is an additional blow to them that they will remember forever. Consider at least a text telling your family not to come home that day and to call the police and why. I've never seen a dead body, but I've smelled an apartment where the last tenant died of old age, and the smell can stick for months or years. If I had to smell my dead son, daughter, or girlfriend every morning while I make breakfast, I would have to move. The next house your family moves to will always be associated with your death. They'll never be happy there, maybe ever again.
2) Leaving a note. A huge debate when it comes to suicide. But, people blame themselves, they wonder why it happened, they wish they could ask you things that they now can't. Contact with you is immediately cut off with no way of communication at all, just immediate nothingness. At least one way communication, written ahead of time, could (in many cases) inevitably help them out. Why did you do it? Do you feel it was it anyone's fault (or not)? Being honest may be better than nothing. What are you wishes for burial, etc? What should be done with your things? A living will may be very helpful with this, they are free on many websites to write a legal will. Important too, because of you fuck up your suicide, have you decided whether you want your family to pull the plug when you are a vegetable? What if you have no family? Have you decided if the state will pull the plug? Ten minutes of research on the laws in your area would be worth avoiding 10, 20, or more years lying in a bed as a vegetable, unable to communicate and living off of feeding tubes. A much worse nightmare than your current one.
3) Taking care of your immediate things. I remember a story once from a family who lost their son when he was young. The hardest part was coming home, and seeing his toys laid out on the floor from the last time he played with them, just a day before. They couldn't touch them for months. Depression is hell, but consider not leaving your place a mess. For the person who has to go through your dirty clothes from the last time you wore them, chose what to do with your things, or clean the plate on the table from the meal you are just yesterday, it can make things a million times harder on the day you disappear. If you have it in you and care to make this difference, clean up where you live. Wash the dishes you last used. Wash your clothes. Write down where you want done with your things, particularly if you have anything expensive. Sometimes, this type of behavior may be alarming to those near us and may be seen as a red flag. Perhaps you may need to be discreet.
4) Tying things up. Offering any possible closure. The hardest suicides on families seem to be the ones where the last time they saw you, your words were "fuck you" and you walked out the door. That may be a fine ending for people who hated you deep down, but for true friends and loved ones, that's going to be a permanent, burning scar. This is up for debate. I'd like to hear opinions. If the last time they see you is negative, will they miss you less? If the last time is a positive experience (eg. Telling them that you love them with a hug) will they miss you more? It likely depends on the situation and the people involved. Everyone's life is different. It's something to think about. Certainly, care would need to be taken as red flags can be thrown up easily. But depending on your life, I imagine this could make a huge, huge difference, even more than a suicide note. Telling your dad, who worked his whole life to save for college for you, that you're thankful for that. Telling your mom who helped you through a hard time that that she did everything she could and it helped. Telling your sister you've always been thankful for the notes she sends you. Telling your friend, that the times you hung out or talked on the phone were some of the best times in your life. I know everyone's life is entirely different, these are just examples. This would entirely change a person's view on whether or not they feel guilty for the rest of their lives. If you live to be 20, and then kill yourself, that's a maximum of twenty years of suffering (at most) and a quick enough suicide. Your friend, or sibling, etc would have 60ish more years to suffer as you pass your problems onto them. Consider at least absolving their guilt with a heartfelt comment, if you can without raising suspicion.
These are just a few of my thoughts. As time goes on I hope to think of more. I would like to hear other people's thoughts, whether they are positive or negative. This is one of my greatest considerations as I know perhaps I cannot live on, but my family has to. And I know what hell feels like, but I don't want them to feel it every day, or at least, I would like to soften the blow.
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