Making plans is harder than I expected.

[mrselfdestruct]

I expected the act of making plans to ctb to be a freeing thing, and to get my shit sorted out to give me some kind of inner peace.
It is not. I cant tell anybody I know I'm making these plans, so I have no help. It's nerve-wracking planning how people are going to remember you. The concept of death is nerve wracking.
If anyone can maybe help, especially with figuring out if I want to give a note to my boyfriend, I'd appreciate it, but no requirements.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like only you know if you should write a note, it is a personal thing. I think that I would choose to write a note to give those left behind some closure and will mean that they are not left with unanswered questions. I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and our right to die is respected and we could be open about our plans.
I can imagine that it must be really hard having to keep everything to yourself. I am not personally scared of death, but I think that many are scared of it, as this existence is all they know, they cannot comprehend what it is like to not exist.
I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point and I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

I feel like only you know if you should write a note, it is a personal thing. I think that I would choose to write a note to give those left behind some closure and will mean that they are not left with unanswered questions. I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and our right to die is respected and we could be open about our plans.
I can imagine that it must be really hard having to keep everything to yourself. I am not personally scared of death, but I think that many are scared of it, as this existence is all they know, they cannot comprehend what it is like to not exist.
I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point and I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

Thank you for your advice; I appreciate it. I've told somebody I trust to keep my secrets safe about me wanting to acquire SN and he said good luck if you do decide to try it, I am very grateful for him.
On the topic of the note, I'm still deciding on it, but I do guess you're right about nobody knowing how to go about that other than me. Thanks again.

 

[jackodonnell]

I think a note is worth considering because that will be the last part of you anyone will ever experience.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

I think a note is worth considering because that will be the last part of you anyone will ever experience.

I like this insight on it — it is sort of a last way to say my peace with the people in my life. Thank you for the advice.

 

[jackodonnell]

I like this insight on it — it is sort of a last way to say my peace with the people in my life. Thank you for the advice.

We can't control how we'll be remembered, but it at least allows you to tell your story and let people see the situation from your point of view.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

I've come to the conclusion I probably won't leave him a note and if I do it will be brief — there's too high a chance of him not sleeping/waking up and seeing the message before I can ctb successfully. Last time I told him I was ready to go he ended up talking me out of it, however, whenever this time comes I plan on not telling anybody so that I cannot be talked out of it. As I said, if I do leave him a note, it will be short and only enough to tell him I love him, not explain what happened. While I feel absolutely horrendous about this (and that's an understatement), overall not leaving a note will increase my chance of success.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I've come to the conclusion I probably won't leave him a note and if I do it will be brief — there's too high a chance of him not sleeping/waking up and seeing the message before I can ctb successfully. Last time I told him I was ready to go he ended up talking me out of it, however, whenever this time comes I plan on not telling anybody so that I cannot be talked out of it. As I said, if I do leave him a note, it will be short and only enough to tell him I love him, not explain what happened. While I feel absolutely horrendous about this (and that's an understatement), overall not leaving a note will increase my chance of success.

I understand your reasons. I though of delayed messages. You can program it in whatsapp, in gmail, in outlook, etc. I'm sorry for your suffering. Please be sure that this is what you want to do because it's a definite decision. I wish you the best no matter what you decide and what happens.

 

[mrselfdestruct]

I understand your reasons. I though of delayed messages. You can program it in whatsapp, in gmail, in outlook, etc. I'm sorry for your suffering. Please be sure that this is what you want to do because it's a definite decision. I wish you the best no matter what you decide and what happens.
Thank you for the reminder that delayed messaging exists; I do have his email, so that's potentially possible. Thank you for the good wishes and the reminder of how permanent ctb really is — I appreciate it.