Making an executive decision.

[Livingvsdying25]

On certain days it's easier to manage life. At a very low bar level but still. Other times im working on things... it's hard.

I don't feel really particular to either living or dying tbh. I could live but knowing the quality & struggles I'm not interested in the long run. Day to day may be ok but the overall picture matters too. Overall things are shit.

Dying is hard but it comes down to asking myself: "Do I have it in me to continue and live" "Do I want to"

I dont always think my reasons are about wanting death per say. Its the executive decision of not wanting to live this life in the long run.

With that in mind... I can wait but Im not delaying or swaying much.

This will be the year of at least getting what I need to kill myself. Knowing how exactly to do it.
I don't even desire to see a summer. With the ways things are going in my life I can actually make that decision soon.


Its a tiring existence. I can accept on a temporary basis that the little meaningless things I barly find relief in, are enough for now.

I cannot and will not do that long term. I don't have it in me to keep up the living either.

Don't wanna live half dead or constantly uselessly struggling.

 

[312]

You look a lot like me, for 10 years I no longer see any grace in life and I have been architecting my death. I would like to open up like this with someone on the off but they always think this is bullshit

 

[Livingvsdying25]

You look a lot like me, for 10 years I no longer see any grace in life and I have been architecting my death. I would like to open up like this with someone on the off but they always think this is bullshit

If ya wanna talk, I don't think its bullshit. It's hard to find people that don't invalidate

 

[WornOutLife]

I wonder the same. I'll probably ctb this year because the long run feels sooooooo long...! I just can't picture myself as an old man.

 

[signifying nothing]

I wonder the same. I'll probably ctb this year because the long run feels sooooooo long...! I just can't picture myself as an old man.

Yeah, I don't want to grow old with the world being as it is and where it seems to be headed.