Major depressive disorder

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Anyone else diagnosed with this? I have posted about my various problems in the past, but I suffer from a whole host of symptoms that, especially on a bad day, make life nearly intolerable. Today I woke up and have been barely able to function / get out of bed.

I have constant dizziness, executive dysfunction, slow processing, poor concentration and memory, and fatigue.

I feel drugged and completely out of it. Sometimes I am so tired that I will dread a simple errand that I have to run a week from now.

Life in general is very difficult for me. I don't know how I can ever beat this. In fact, I doubt that I will. These things feel permanent, and oftentimes even simple media/entertainment overloads my brain.

I am interested in hearing from others who have this level of depression, especially as it pertains to physical symptoms. Does anything I've described sound relatable? I guess I am feeling extra hopeless today.

 

[Depressed Cat]

I suffer from the same, and hence my username.

In fact, I've been suffering from the same for the last 15 years or so. It was relatively mild at first, but things got progressively worse over the years.

Mine is a recurring MDD. It's not continuous for me, but I have episodes of severe depression interspersed with periods of recovery and near-normalcy.

Life becomes terrible when I'm going through a depressive episode. I can relate to many of your symptoms. I actively seek and obtain methods of CTB during my depressive episodes. CTB is on my mind all the time during a depressive episode.

The medicines I take only help me come out of a depressive episode and on to a path of recovery and a period of near normalcy. They don't cure the underlying MDD. It's only a matter of time before the next depressive episode occurs.

Even when I'm not experiencing a depressive episode, I lead a miserable life devoid of any contentment, joy & happiness. I don't know if I will ever become a normal, happy person again.

 

[Red Scare]

Yes, what both of you guys write reflects my own experiences as well,

Since becoming depressed I lost interest in anything I used to love doing. I get no joy from anything. I spend most the day in bed, or in my pajamas and feel constantly fatigued. I neglect to do things, anything I have to do becomes an insurmountable task that makes me into an anxious mess and so I put it off for weeks. I'm not taking care of myself, not eating or not eating right, not sleeping.

I see no way out of this without ctb. Medication and therapy don't help. Being physically disabled and in chronic pain contributes to the depressive feelings.

That's not even getting into my problems with ptsd and grief, but it all contributes to a longstanding depression that doesn't go away.

 

[NumbItAll]

I have dealt with similar issues for basically half my life now, starting in high school. Getting a job was never an option, and I've had to pick and choose when I could even do basic chores/errands. It basically wiped out 15 years of my life. I'm sorry to be an insufferable CBD promoter, but it has really helped me feel healthy and normal lately for the first time since those issues all started. I made a thread about it in the recovery section if you are interested. It may be worth a look if you are looking to try something different. Or just tell me to fuck off, either way works. In any case, I hope everyone in this thread can find some relief somehow.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I have dealt with similar issues for basically half my life now, starting in high school. Getting a job was never an option, and I've had to pick and choose when I could even do basic chores/errands. It basically wiped out 15 years of my life. I'm sorry to be an insufferable CBD promoter, but it has really helped me feel healthy and normal lately for the first time since those issues all started. I made a thread about it in the recovery section if you are interested. It may be worth a look if you are looking to try something different. Or just tell me to fuck off, either way works. In any case, I hope everyone in this thread can find some relief somehow.

I'll check it out. But fuck off anyway man.

 

[symphony]

This is my main issue. I can't get any real pleasure out of anything and I live with a constant background noise of psychological pain and distress that I can never escape, except temporarily through sleep. I'm exhausted all the time, my sleep and appetite are all over the place. My cognitive processes are fucked, too - memory, concentration, decision making.

Best part is, I'm treatment resistant. Countless treatment efforts haven't done a thing, including several touted as effective particularly in treatment-resistant cases.

I expect many others on SS would say something similar, bu I've always believed that if the pro-lifers had to experience this agony day after day, even for a fraction of the time I've lived with it for, they would be much more understanding.

 

[Red Scare]

I'm treatment resistant. Countless treatment efforts haven't done a thing, including several touted as effective particularly in treatment-resistant cases.

Yes it's true. I have tried everything, different medications, even ketamine (which was hailed as the latest and greatest form of therapy) but I still feel this sense of dread, and anxiousness, and depression.

I suspect that for most of us, our condition is linked to being caught in depressing life circumstances that are not likely to change. No amount of therapy or antidepressants will ever work because I can't change the underlying cause of depression. There can be no changing the past that brought me here, and in my present state life is arduous and impossible to manage. I'll be lucky if I don't wind up homeless because I can't work. I'd rather die before that happens.

 

[symphony]

Yes it's true. I have tried everything, different medications, even ketamine (which was hailed as the latest and greatest form of therapy) but I still feel this sense of dread, and anxiousness, and depression.

I suspect that for most of us, our condition is linked to being caught in depressing life circumstances that are not likely to change. No amount of therapy or antidepressants will ever work because I can't change the underlying cause of depression. There's can be no changing the past that brought me here, and in my present state life is arduous and impossible to manage. I'll be lucky if I don't wind up homeless because I can't work. I'd rather die before that happens.

Yup, I've done ket too. It's one of the few things that actually did something for me, but it wasn't a lasting effect.

I hear you about unchanging life circumstances, and I can imagine it feels awful to be trapped in like that. But that's not me. I think of my depression as likely being hard-wired into who I am as a person, either by genetics (nature) or a product of early childhood experiences (nurture). Regardless, I feel pretty stuck too.

And god, yeah, holding down a job is a herculean feat. This disease really just likes to fuck us while we're already down, making it hard to bring in money while racking up the medical expenses.

 

[S like suicide]

Since becoming depressed I lost interest in anything I used to love doing. I get no joy from anything. I spend most the day in bed, or in my pajamas and feel constantly fatigued. I neglect to do things, anything I have to do becomes an insurmountable task that makes me into an anxious mess and so I put it off for weeks. I'm not taking care of myself, not eating or not eating right, not sleeping.

This

I've always believed that if the pro-lifers had to experience this agony day after day, even for a fraction of the time I've lived with it for, they would be much more understanding.

This

our condition is linked to being caught in depressing life circumstances that are not likely to change. No amount of therapy or antidepressants will ever work because I can't change the underlying cause of depression. There's can be no changing the past that brought me here, and in my present state life is arduous and impossible to manage.

This

I think of my depression as likely being hard-wired into who I am as a person, either by genetics (nature) or a product of early childhood experiences (

And this....i feel and think the same about it

 

[Red Scare]

a product of early childhood experiences (nurture).

But that is circumstantial too, it's just not something you can change.

 

[CrazyNihilist]

I've suffered from MDD for over 35 years. I guess I would be considered high functioning, because I was a high level global executive with a company managing almost a $1B portfolio of customers. No one there knew how much I struggled, but I am good at wearing a mask I guess. I too have trouble getting excited about anything and haven't had a good night's sleep in 35 years due to Central Apnea, a holdover from the chemotherapy hell I went through as a teenager. I tried Ketamine in 2018 for 6 sessions and it really did help. It started to wear off after about 6 months and I attempted suicide last year when a new CEO came in and eliminated my job after 16 years of loyalty. My attempt was interrupted by the girlfriend coming home early and I was placed on a mental health hold in a USA hospital. That was completely underwhelming in that I never did see a doctor and the nurse I saw filled out my safety plan for me telling me what I needed to say to get out. Was out in 4 hours.....and couldn't get an appointment to see anyone for 17 days. I did Ketamine again last summer for 6 more sessions and while it helped, it wasn't as good the second time. It helped reduce my ideation to where I wanted to kill myself for or five times a day versus every waking hour. Hardly worth the thousands of dollars for me. Maybe I'm unique here, but while Ketamine works, it's efficacy seems to diminish over time like steroid shots in joints. My father is 91 and I'm trying to hold one till he goes, but in reality, I am just one more minor catastrophe away from catching the bus.

 

[Life sucks]

Yes I have it with other problems as well. I'm a mess now

 

[hungry_ghost]

I was diagnosed with it at 16.

Been dealing with it ever since, almost 35 now. I've gone unmedicated for the majority of my life, as antidepressants made me hypomanic.

But yeah, I'm dealing with major brain fog, a general feeling of sloth and finding it difficult to be passionate about anything other than getting lost in a movie.

Trying to help somewhat with nutritional supplements, but those will only do so much.

Red Scare hit the nail on the head. The root cause is my circumstance.

The perpetual sensation of feeling trapped, and feeling an extreme lack of efficacy to change anything for the better. Even when I do change environments, or settings, my mindset tends to remain the same. I always feel trapped, or dejected, or like I am having one big existential crisis that won't subside.

Sorry for the formatting, I hate paragraphs.

 

[whatevs]

I have similar problems and have found no solutions. I limit what I do to a few things and that's it. I started programming 2 years ago and it's the only thing I do outside of masturbating, watching or reading some stuff online (less and less as time goes on), walking my dog, eating, and the odd outside experience when relatives drag me into their lives.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Never been formally diagnosed with depression, but I can definitely relate. I have lupus which cycles in flares (in which symptoms worsen) and periods of remission (in which symptoms get better or go away completely). When I'm in remission I feel on top of the world and ready to take on the day, but when I'm experiencing a flare I feel down in the dumps. I get tense, feel on edge and become irritable. I'm unable to concentrate at all as I get distracted by depressive thoughts and suicide ideation. I can spend days to weeks wallowing in self-pity, ruminating on whether or not my symptoms are going to go away, and if they're going to come back. Feeling trapped makes the pain and fatigue all the worse.