Mad suicide or sad suicide ?

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've come to the conclusion that I will have to be in some kind of very pissed - off mood to ctb.
I think that anger can be a great motivator in getting things done, and anger is also very helpful in dispelling fear.
This angry energy can be used as a powerful tool in helping to overcome the dreaded survival instinct that we dread so much.
It can also help to overcome procrastination and drive us forward with a purposeful intent that we normally wouldn't have.
I also don't want to be in a sad mood when I go: I want to hold a finger up to this sick twisted world and say " FUCK YOU - I'M OUTTA HERE ! ".
What about you : mad suicide or sad suicide ?

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

I wanted, I was preparing for mad suicide. But now I'm in a cage. And it looks like my suicide will be in terrible grief.

 

[just_a_guy]

I think there's a third option. Some people go the suicide by cop option. Can you imagine the GTA level chaos you could cause before going out? Many people avoid those actions due to the consequences but what if there weren't going to be any except the thing you wanted which is death? But out of mad and sad death, I'd rather go for mad death, go out like a fucking lunatic

 

[Forever Sleep]

Actually neither. Probably unrealistic but I want mine to be calm and rational. Procedural- like going in for an operation. You have nervousness around it. You don't know what to expect but, you follow the guidelines, and try and stay calm waiting for the time to pass beforehand. (I'd likely choose SN- so- quite a bit of prepararion, fasting- the same as before surgery.) Then, a calm resignation to the process- knowing it's something you have to go through in order to rid yourself of the pain. Plus, a level of hope and trust that it all works out with little discomfort.

That's my hope anyway. Most likely unrealistic. I'm more likely to be shitting bricks and in floods of tears. Mine would likely be more sad than mad. I don't like doing anything in a panicked state. It tends to make me make mistakes.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

it would have to be mixed for me, sad but also angry

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm mad that it's so unnecessarily hard and forbidden. Humanity sucks for this reason and lots of others.

 

[loser098]

Mad.

Life is so frustrating. More often than not, actually. There'd be a tinge of sadness probably, because the person I care about wouldn't even remember me.

I wonder if anyone has gone out laughing…

 

[tiger b]

Indifference. I'll have my anger and sadness gone first. But I hear what you say about anger helping get shit done.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Mad. Fuck this world and fuck everyone who betrayed me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Smad.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Sad

 

[NoHorizon]

Team sad here.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I had access to a reliable and peaceful method that I felt confident in then I'd be relieved to cease existing on my own terms. I see suicide as self care as it's the permanent release from all suffering, there's no sadness in the prevention of all future suffering in an existence that I never wished to be burdened with in the first place. In my case the thought of eternally ceasing to exist comforts me.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Mine is likely to be as much of a rollercoaster of emotions as I always tend to be, sad being the primary one.
Shifting violently between different forms of crying and breaking down (sad), wishing for help (sad), coming up with insane ideas for salvation (mad), and similar extremes.

I believe though, the way for me to pull through in an actual attempt includes centering on peaceful acceptance.
It's just damn hard to do it in tears, hard to do it in fear. For example, when I had access to benzos, it made attempting WAY easier, yeah?

That is why for me, practice has been most successful if done near night-time, right around sleeping.
A completed ctb will send me to my dream world, a place of safety, after all.
Doing it before going to sleep normally invokes its comforting grasp, and such peace can really suppress all those crazy emotions, even without benzos, even if just for a few hours.

 

[Some place nice]

Kinda both? I am gonna be very sad when I ctb but also pissed off at my family for how they treated me my whole life. So a good mix ig?

 

[loopdaloop]

I was panicing and crying out of fear from the physical pain during previous attempts, all the sadness and anger about life were kinda wiped off for me once the struggle of dying occured and panic mode was activated. I hope to manage to find a peaceful exit from this world without any negative feelings involved. So neither mad or sad.

 

[estadiare]

Last time I attempted, I had a lot of anger during the weeks before. I couldn't wait to do it already. But as the day came closer, I felt increasingly more lonely, isolated and uncertain. I don't think I've ever experienced such a terrible loneliness before that or ever since

 

[Kit1]

Definitely lifelong sadness beats the madness, anger and everything else. A lost soul, a soulless life feeling.

 

[AAT]

Definitely sadness

 

[LeperGnome]

Heavily sedated, preferably in a remote location.

 

[whitefeather]

Good thread

 

[Pg.964]

It will be sad. When the cops come I want them to see how worthless and agonizing my life was

 

[F@#$]

I think there's a third option. Some people go the suicide by cop option. Can you imagine the GTA level chaos you could cause before going out? Many people avoid those actions due to the consequences but what if there weren't going to be any except the thing you wanted which is death? But out of mad and sad death, I'd rather go for mad death, go out like a fucking lunatic

Fuck yeah, sounds like a plan I can get behind.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm incapable of either so completely numb suicide it is.

 

[Arachno]

I think there's a third option. Some people go the suicide by cop option. Can you imagine the GTA level chaos you could cause before going out? Many people avoid those actions due to the consequences but what if there weren't going to be any except the thing you wanted which is death? But out of mad and sad death, I'd rather go for mad death, go out like a fucking lunatic

This reminds me of the movie Falling Down.

I too would rather go by mad suicide, just like OP said it: Show a middle finger and say "FUCK YOU I'M OUT" to the world.

 

[Clive]

Shame suicide.
I wager I'll ctb after a depressive spiral sparked by a moment of embarrassment/shame

That's always been the strongest negative emotion for me. I like being sad. Anger doesn't last. Shame is inevitable, long lasting, and soul devouring.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

It would be calm and happy. And peaceful, because the method is.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

Why not take the best of both worlds?

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

I'm Done Suicide

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

indifferent suicide but i will probably think about the grief that my family will experience unless i achieve to make peace with that.