Venting love

[Lavínia]

A monolith. For you, I deprive myself of tears. I rolled in bed, wrote, holding back tears for minutes, hours, but I couldn't. No tears fell. I held them until they dried. My throat itched, I felt my chest rise involuntarily, it would be an ugly cry, like a child's, kicking in frustration in a mild despair. I held them back, I didn't cry. For you, I don't allow myself to feel. For you, I keep eating, the same thing, counting the nutrients, tasteless, just functional. For you, I looked into people's eyes, and I didn't see souls, I saw glass, an opaque light pretending to be sentient. For you, I told lies and believed others, changing my beliefs, my way of seeing myself, to maintain only the worst version, the most grotesque and false possible. A monolith. For you. For you, my love corrodes everything that doesn't love, everything that loves, everything that diverges from you.