Love keeping me from leaving

[nihilism44]

I have been with my soulmate for almost 6 years now. He is my everything and my other half. He's truly the only reason I'm still here. I can tell I am definitely burdening him right now with my deep depressive episode, I think I am making him depressed too and pushing him away. He just wants to help but there's nothing he can do other than just "be there". I'm so fucking depressing to be around and I'm completely letting myself go. I am not the person he fell in love with. I truly think he would be better off without me in the long run. As much as I love him with all of my heart, I pity him for being stuck loving someone like me. I am afraid of how devastated he will be after my death, though. I don't want to destroy him. I'm currently the most suicidal I've ever been. I'm actually buying supplies. I'm in the active stage of making this happen. I just don't want to destroy the love of my life…

 

[WadeingThru]

I'm actually buying supplies.

Did you keep the receipts? You can always change your mind and return the supplies.

I am afraid of how devastated he will be after my death, though. I don't want to destroy him.

You don't have to destroy him. You could hug him.

 

[czx85]

I understand this as I'm in a similar position. Good thing is I have some money lefting to him. I would say try to figure out what can you do for him

 

[Foresight]

Everyone has a right to alone time. Take time for yourself.

Honestly I would just tell him some of your thoughts. 6 years in I would assume communication is in good standing. Keep your rightful privacy on the matter of ctb though. Be open now and see. If you ctb it will leave him with answers.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation, I can imagine that it must be painful. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Someone123]

I have been with my soulmate for almost 6 years now. He is my everything and my other half. He's truly the only reason I'm still here. I can tell I am definitely burdening him right now with my deep depressive episode, I think I am making him depressed too and pushing him away. He just wants to help but there's nothing he can do other than just "be there". I'm so fucking depressing to be around and I'm completely letting myself go. I am not the person he fell in love with. I truly think he would be better off without me in the long run. As much as I love him with all of my heart, I pity him for being stuck loving someone like me. I am afraid of how devastated he will be after my death, though. I don't want to destroy him. I'm currently the most suicidal I've ever been. I'm actually buying supplies. I'm in the active stage of making this happen. I just don't want to destroy the love of my life…

That love is a great thing. There may still be a chance to turn this around- recovery is a sneaky thinig, it can sneak up on you- I'm on an upswing the last couple of days after months of going down- it night last this time. Recovery can sneak up on you if you look around sometimes for solutions. I've spent many days laying in bed sleeping all day and not even trying, just wishing I was gone, and some hope for recovery has snuck up on me a little- who knows if it will last. This love is a great thing for you, it night keep you going long enough for some recovery to sneak up on you- if you look for things that make you feel just a little better, these things can add up over time, thyough the road is uncertain and unpredictable- you do have a great thiing going for you with a soulmate you have been with for so long.

 

[Itsbeenalongtime]

I wrote a similar post to this the other day (linked for context). While I'm present with him I feel so guilty knowing that I'm up at night planning my own death. I have all my stuff ready ect, but I really don't want to break him. Its horrible knowing your actions would devastate your partner. The most I could take comfort in is that we are still relatively young (he's late 20s) and he will most likely fine someone else. I know he wants to support me but at some point I will just become a burden and there's only so much he can do to help.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ss-painful-for-my-partner.84827/#post-1517387

 

[Hotsackage]

Im the same with my mom. Guess im screwed for 20 more years

 

[cemetorium]

I'm in a similar situation. My girlfriend knows I'm extremely suicidal and that I have been for years, but I know my death will still be traumatizing for her. Just this morning I woke up from a text from her telling me how glad she is that she can wake up every morning and know I'll be there... As much as I don't want to hurt her I just don't know how much longer I can hold on