Lots of people on here appear to want to die: Do you have any diagnoses? Physical or psychological, which is making you want to CTB?

[Cockney_Rebel]

Myself, I have EUPD (BPD) OCD and tinnitus.

The tinnitus was the fault of my previous GP surgery, and I loathe them for it.

Since getting the tinnitus, my suicide attempts have skyrocketed. I've been close to death on many occasions, and that's been my only relief from it. It's a cunt of a condition, true torture. Medication has helped with it, but it's made me gain lots of weight. That's why I stopped taking it almost a week ago. Now my conditions are presenting themselves again, with no mercy.

I'm stuck in a catch 22 situation, and I hate it. I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't (take the medication.)

 

[WornOutLife]

Bipolar disorder here!
I guess sometimes my days are so hellish that I just can't go on with life.

However, my reasons for dying are beyond that. I just hate the fact to exist. I mean, I never asked to be born and this universe is nonsense because the origin of the origin will never be able to be explained! It's frustrating lol.

 

[prepetuallyperplexed]

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, complex childhood trauma which has now led to severe depression and anxiety in adulthood.

I'm going through a divorce with a man who let his family abuse me, to the point of his dad sexually assaulting me. I'm financially struggling, I am a single mom, I'm a small business owner that has been affected by COVID.

I live in constant fear and anxiety and I just can't bear to live like this anymore. I bought SN in the past but my ex threw it away when he moved out of the house.
I plan on getting more soon. I'm just anxious to go back to such a dark place.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Bipolar disorder here!
I guess sometimes my days are so hellish that I just can't go on with life.

However, my reasons for dying are beyond that. I just hate the fact to exist. I mean, I never asked to be born and this universe is nonsense because the origin of the origin will never be able to be explained! It's frustrating lol.

I'm guessing your bipolar presents with more lows than highs?

Are you taking any medication?

They just changed my antipsychotic from olanzapine to aripirazole, and my venlafaxine to duloxetine. I'm also prescribed mirtazapine, zopiclone and diazepam.

However, as of tomorrow it'll be a week since I've ceased taking my medication. I'm sick of the weight gain, that's why they've just changed two of my tablets. However, I'm having my own little detox. The worst part being that I'm having bad nightmares, cold sweats during sleep, and my tinnitus is screaming.

Cant fucking win, brother.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Autism, I do not fit in this world and can not cope without assistance and it will be like this forever how long I lived.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, complex childhood trauma which has now led to severe depression and anxiety in adulthood.

I'm going through a divorce with a man who let his family abuse me, to the point of his dad sexually assaulting me. I'm financially struggling, I am a single mom, I'm a small business owner that has been affected by COVID.

I live in constant fear and anxiety and I just can't bear to live like this anymore. I bought SN in the past but my ex threw it away when he moved out of the house.
I plan on getting more soon. I'm just anxious to go back to such a dark place.

I hope things get better for you.

Sounds like "life" has been harsh.

You sound like a lovely person, who's been wrong done from a multitude of directions.

May you find peace .

 

[WornOutLife]

Cant fucking win, brother.

I know that feeling, bro.
As for my UPS and DOWNS...well, they are quite random. I've been actually having more UPS recently so, I'm able to work and study again now. However, the DOWNS are very dangerous because I feel as if I might ctb impulsively anytime soon in spite of being doing my best to live. It really sucks.

 

[Vicepuma]

OCD, anxiety, gastroparesis, epilepsy, undiagnosed neurological issues (Parkinson/MS-like symptoms).

I also took accutane several years ago for oily skin and the doctor never warned me about the side effects. So my face is pretty dry and my hair has thinned quite a bit. Doesn't look awful, but it feels wrong because of my OCD and perfectionist nature.

I could probably live with some of these, but all of them together are destroying me.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I know that feeling, bro.
As for my UPS and DOWNS...well, they are quite random. I've been actually having more UPS recently so, I'm able to work and study again now. However, the DOWNS are very dangerous because I feel as if I might ctb impulsively anytime soon in spite of being doing my best to live. It really sucks.

Glad you're able to work and study again, bruv.

As for ups and downs, many people get misdiagnosed with bipolar when in fact they have EUPD/BPD. We have ups and downs, but they can literally happen from minute to minute ... second to second, even. We are so volatile, that many "professionals" refuse to work with us. EUPD/BPD really is demonised as a condition. Trust me, I've experienced it many times and still experience it now.

Wishing you well .

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Not yet, I'm just too weak for this world.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

OCD, anxiety, gastroparesis, epilepsy, undiagnosed neurological issues (Parkinson/MS-like symptoms).

I also took accutane several years ago for oily skin and the doctor never warned me about the side effects. So my face is pretty dry and my hair has thinned quite a bit. Doesn't look awful, but it feels wrong because of my OCD and perfectionist nature.

I could probably live with some of these, but all of them together are destroying me.

I know what you mean when it comes to having multiple diagnoses/conditions.

It's "technically" known as comorbidity.

Makes things so much harder to manage, as one thing tends to trigger another.

Wishing you well .

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Im deformed the front part of my skull grew 40degrees to the left instead of just straight inluding my nose and eyes etc. So it always looks like im turning my head to the left. Its called cranial deviation and is caused by plagiocephaly

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Im deformed the front part of my skull grew 40degrees to the left instead of just straight inluding my nose and eyes etc. So it always looks like im turning my head to the left. Its called cranial deviation and is caused by plagiocephaly

I'm really sorry to hear that.

 

[motel rooms]

Not yet, I'm just too weak for this world.

You've never tried an antidepressant?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

You've never tried an antidepressant?

Tried several, turned me into a psychopath.

 

[motel rooms]

Tried several, turned me into a psychopath.

What do you mean?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

What do you mean?

Got impulsive and violent.

 

[motel rooms]

Got impulsive and violent.

Fuck... How about anti-anxiety meds?

 

[FuneralCry]

I have tinnitus and other related ear conditions. It has improved since a few months ago and is mild compared to some peoples but so many things can make it worse. I feel ill all the time and I have been having unexplained symptoms, it is quite possible I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I also have throat and thyroid problems. I have been depressed my whole life and have Aspergers Syndrome.
The whole point of this comment is that the human body is a prison.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Fuck... How about anti-anxiety meds?

I don't have anxiety now (NEET) but I think I got some of that when I was anxious several years ago. Didn't really do anything, iirc.

 

[Nunyabinniss]

Depressed, severely anxious known a lot of close friends who CTB in the past. Gun shot wound that constantly hurts and a useless life that never took off. I awake every single day just hoping I'll be able to override me SI....I'm done here. Is it just me or is there no such thing as help really just more of what I call "the illusion of help". Maybe it's just me and my life. Donno. Much love hope you are all doing as well as you can for being on here

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I have tinnitus and other related ear conditions. It has improved since a few months ago and is mild compared to some peoples but so many things can make it worse. I feel ill all the time and I have been having unexplained symptoms, it is quite possible I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I also have throat and thyroid problems. I have been depressed my whole life and have Aspergers Syndrome.
The whole point of this comment is that the human body is a prison.

I had an overactive thyroid a few years ago.

Ended up double thin, yet would eat through the entire fridge. Would rage at the slightest thing. It's quite a condition. They wanted to nuke the thyroid, but fuck that.

I was put on carbimazole for a while, then it just healed itself.

 

[elfgyoza]

Autism, depression, and misophonia. It's the depression that's killing me, and why bother living without joy

 

[nolongerhuman]

ASD, depression and anxiety. The asd doesn't really bother me now that I've fixed the social alienation for the most part and I can live in the depression, the anxiety disorder is why I'm probably going to kill myself. I can't enjoy most things because there is this horrible cloud of fear and dread surrounding every moment I continue to breathe.

 

[Butterfly65]

MS, spinal injury, bedridden, intractable chronic pain, diabetes, kidney disease, impending blindness, asthma, a walking heart attack or stroke...zero quality of life. That's just the physical. For mental stuff I have extreme anxiety, depression and just live with this horrible darkness and constant fear.

 

[StarLight]

When I was a minor I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, and bpd over the years. In adulthood I have had zero psych diagnoses because I refuse to see anyone claiming to be a "professional" in the field. I don't need some moron with a degree to plaster me with their opinions of whats wrong with me. As far as I'm concerned that's all those diagnoses are most of the time, just opinions. I definitely have loads of problems, but I feel no need to be labeled or "helped".

As far as physical stuff I get dry eye so bad that it's painful just to have the affected eye exposed to air or opened at all, and really nothing helps it. It's So I basically just sit with my eyes closed and a patch over the affected eye for days and days unable to really do anything until it eases off. And even when the eye is closed and covered it's still very painful and tears like crazy etc.

 

[the_final_countdown]

When I was a minor I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, and bpd over the years. In adulthood I have had zero psych diagnoses because I refuse to see anyone claiming to be a "professional" in the field. I don't need some moron with a degree to plaster me with their opinions of whats wrong with me. As far as I'm concerned that's all those diagnoses are most of the time, just opinions. I definitely have loads of problems, but I feel no need to be labeled or "helped".

As far as physical stuff I get dry eye so bad that it's painful just to have the affected eye exposed to air or opened at all, and really nothing helps it. It's So I basically just sit with my eyes closed and a patch over the affected eye for days and days unable to really do anything until it eases off. And even when the eye is closed and covered it's still very painful and tears like crazy etc.

I get dry eyes too. It's miserable. Not as bad as yours. But it's hard finding remedies.

Been taking flax seed oil but supposedly takes weeks to kick in.

 

[Buffy5120]

I have every illness in the book

 

[usernameforhere]

sorry About you're troubles. Tinnitus is awful from what I understand.

i have MS. When I was diagnosed I couldn't move half of my body. Left side, arm, leg, mouth (facial drop). thats a shock, looking at yourself in the mirror and half of your face is hanging there.

I decided then I wouldn't live like that. Not that people shouldn't just that I won't. Had many good years after but stuff just isnt working the same way anymore. still youngish... middle aged but I'm not going to accept being home bound.

glad I made it out of that hospital.
imo life has downsides but I was also super lucky and engaged for years. Tbh I don't even feel bad for myself That I'm days away.

spent the last year not working... digging into the chapters I had questions about, seeking answers... feel pretty good about this trip around. Lol think I might retire if I'm asked to come back.

think I'm gonna spend the next few days just having fun of I can. I wanna go feeling good and swimming in dopamin.

 

[Butterfly65]

sorry About you're troubles. Tinnitus is awful from what I understand.

i have MS. When I was diagnosed I couldn't move half of my body. Left side, arm, leg, mouth (facial drop). thats a shock, looking at yourself in the mirror and half of your face is hanging there.

I decided then I wouldn't live like that. Not that people shouldn't just that I won't. Had many good years after but stuff just isnt working the same way anymore. still youngish... middle aged but I'm not going to accept being home bound.

glad I made it out of that hospital.
imo life has downsides but I was also super lucky and engaged for years. Tbh I don't even feel bad for myself That I'm days away.

spent the last year not working... digging into the chapters I had questions about, seeking answers... feel pretty good about this trip around. Lol think I might retire if I'm asked to come back.

think I'm gonna spend the next few days just having fun of I can. I wanna go feeling good and swimming in dopamin.

Good luck on your Journey, I'm going soon too. Are we allowed to ask someone what their method is going to be?