Venting Lost my one chance at an instant, painless death

[jefferson]

I had suicidal urges like never before a few weeks ago and I bought a shotgun. I called the suicide hotline because I just wanted to have one last conversation with a nice person before I died and I figured no one could stop me at that point.

But then I drank liquor on an empty stomach without drinking or eating anything that day and I got too drunk. I ended up crying on the phone to hotline for 2 hours until the police found me. I pussied out in the end. I was scared I was too drunk to line up the shot properly because I couldn't even walk. The police took me away to the ward and I lost my gun and firearms license permanently.

Suicide has never felt more alluring now, but all the methods I'm left with are so shit. I tried to buy fentanyl in a melancholy state without doing proper research and just got scammed, don't have the money to buy it for real now.

I guess SN would be my best bet but it sounds unpleasant to say the least, I don't think I have the guts to do it yet. Maybe if I were able to get some other drugs to take with it.

Death has felt so alluring since that day I failed. I really regret not pulling that trigger when I had the chance.

 

[Unleashtherain]

Pulling the trigger is not an easy task. I still have access to a gun with a low caliber (.410). I've lined up the shot many times, but like you stated, the fear of messing it up stopped me. Every single time I balled my eyes out afterwards. I am so sorry you are going through this type of pain.