Karrikin
Vocat aestus in umbram
- Nov 3, 2024
- 99
I've never been good at conversation in the slightest, it's only ever rarely that people give me a chance. Someone did, I knew them for a long time, they seemingly put up with everything I did and yet, I did not grow, I did not change for "the better" as is natural for someone to do in these situations. My own foolishness has cost me the best person I've ever known and will probably have the luck of knowing. I don't know why it is I'm going back to considering CTB, I was doing okay --I think. Am I weak for immediately switching my mind over to self termination over something so seemingly miniscule? I probably did not mean much to them anyways, I never was given the chance to know them very personally (though they did know much of me.) Maybe, that alone is reason enough to believe that I might, or should go through with it. It's incredible how in all my lived experience, I never did learn to watch what I say around people or be even considerate of their effects. Maybe I am stuck in this forever loop of trying to CTB, meeting someone, and falling yet again into the hope that they "might be the one."
