LOSING MYSELF IN MY DEPRESSION

[Unattainable666]

I am drowning. I am being pushed under the water by the weight of my depression. I think I've known for a long time how my life would play out. Hope is a thing of the past - no longer part of my life. Each day is worse than the day before - each second is worse than the previous second. I live inside my own head - shoved there by an unkind world with unkind people. Melodramatic? Maybe to some, but to those who understand you know. I will never see light at the end of the tunnel - it's been extinguished. So every morning when I open my eyes I curse the "gods" for forcing me to endure another day in this shitty world. I'm drowning as people walk by me and laugh. What a fucked world to live in. I have signed my own death warrant.

 

[phrog21]

i am also struggling with depression, but i really do have hope even though i feel less of it each and each day as i get older and more fucked up mentally. at what point did the light extinguish for you?

 

[Unattainable666]

i am also struggling with depression, but i really do have hope even though i feel less of it each and each day as i get older and more fucked up mentally. at what point did the light extinguish for you?

March 3, 2022

 

[phrog21]

March 3, 2022

why

 

[Unattainable666]

why

Too long and boring a story. Suffice it to say I've made too many mistakes in my life - relocating to a horrible place was just yet another of those. I guess in actuality my life ended in 1989 when my child was murdered - it's been a shit show ever since. But on March 3, 2022, I knew if this new "adventure" didn't work out that there was only one option left. ctb

 

[phrog21]

Too long and boring a story. Suffice it to say I've made too many mistakes in my life - relocating to a horrible place was just yet another of those. I guess in actuality my life ended in 1989 when my child was murdered - it's been a shit show ever since. But on March 3, 2022, I knew if this new "adventure" didn't work out that there was only one option left. ctb

im much too young to have ever experienced the type of hardship you speak of. I really respect you and thank you for sharing. I think the notion of going off to school and starting a new adventure is why i can leave everyday. I get so emotional over small things, i think i would literally break in your situation. i truly have no answers

 

[Unattainable666]

im much too young to have ever experienced the type of hardship you speak of. I really respect you and thank you for sharing. I think the notion of going off to school and starting a new adventure is why i can leave everyday. I get so emotional over small things, i think i would literally break in your situation. i truly have no answers

We all walk our journey in a different way. You are probably much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I first tried suicide when I was 15 - looking back I'm glad it didn;t work I had a lot to give to others and life changed for me. we all cope the best way we know how. I hope you find your way in this world and thank you for your kind words.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is so horrible having to exist here in this hellish world, I also despise waking up and realising that I'm still trapped here and it disgusts me how there is so much endless suffering here. The existence of life certainly is a cruel mistake to me but anyway I wish you the best.