Discussion Looking to not be found

[Pengkitty'send]

I know I'm going to loose my daughter, I know her father has more resources than I ever could. A better support system and providing for her has ruined me financially. Hes going to get full custody and move away.. I will never see her and honestly the depressed suicidal mess that I am shes actually better off.



I want to disappear... itll be better if they never find the body.. any suggestions? I want to do it sooner rather than later

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm so sorry to read this. So sorry. I can't imagine how you are suffering.

 

[6ixxy]

Sending love
It depends what your method of choice would be? Also where you are located. If you can travel that is a big advantage.

 

[Pengkitty'send]

I'm in El Paso... but my mother is flying me back with them. There are many places to hide in southern California and drugs aplenty

I've already trashed all the clothing in had over there and he can have all the personal effects that tie us to our past relationship. I'm waiting for a month to figure out the best way to accomplish this and I only have about a month left with my daughter.

 

[HannahB]

I'm in a similar situation :( sorry you have to go through this... it's a pain that's indescribable
Feel free to message me if you ever wanna talk about it... I could probably use someone to talk to about that too

 

[HereToday]

The only way I can think of where you'd have the best chance of not being found, is dying at sea. Doesn't sound particularly pleasant/peaceful though

 

[Skyview]

You have your place to hide in SoCal , all you need now is your preferred method .
Hate to see you in this position, don't do anything out of desperation .

 

[Farmmaa]

I know I'm going to loose my daughter, I know her father has more resources than I ever could. A better support system and providing for her has ruined me financially. Hes going to get full custody and move away.. I will never see her and honestly the depressed suicidal mess that I am shes actually better off.



I want to disappear... itll be better if they never find the body.. any suggestions? I want to do it sooner rather than later

Please don't do that to your daughter.... or your parents.
It is absolutely unfair to leave family members with no closure.

Your daughter will be much better off as she grows up knowing that you are dead than having her wonder why you just deserted her and disappeared.
( I know you are not deserting her, but that's how a child's mind works )

 

[sooverallthingslife]

I feel your pain/guilt about losing your child.
I gave up custody of my at the time 6yo to her Dad because after 5000 dollars, I had no more money for lawyers to keep fighting. I literally gave up!! I know she's ok with him and his gf. They are good people. Most likely better parents than I could have been anyways.
My daughter and my Dad were really close(we all lived together) and when she left, he blamed me. I heard everyday what a horrible person I was, that is until the day I came home from work to find him dead in his room. He CTB but not before leaving a note that specifically blamed me.
It's been 2 years and I've never been ok mentally with how either of those situations turned out. So now, I will also CTB but blame nobody but myself!!

Sometimes I suppose you do what you gotta do to stop "feeling".

 

[Pengkitty'send]

Please don't do that to your daughter.... or your parents.
It is absolutely unfair to leave family members with no closure.

Your daughter will be much better off as she grows up knowing that you are dead than having her wonder why you just deserted her and disappeared.
( I know you are not deserting her, but that's how a child's mind works )

Maybe I can leave a note of some sort?

I feel your pain/guilt about losing your child.
I gave up custody of my at the time 6yo to her Dad because after 5000 dollars, I had no more money for lawyers to keep fighting. I literally gave up!! I know she's ok with him and his gf. They are good people. Most likely better parents than I could have been anyways.
My daughter and my Dad were really close(we all lived together) and when she left, he blamed me. I heard everyday what a horrible person I was, that is until the day I came home from work to find him dead in his room. He CTB but not before leaving a note that specifically blamed me.
It's been 2 years and I've never been ok mentally with how either of those situations turned out. So now, I will also CTB but blame nobody but myself!!

Sometimes I suppose you do what you gotta do to stop "feeling".

I'm in a similar situation :( sorry you have to go through this... it's a pain that's indescribable
Feel free to message me if you ever wanna talk about it... I could probably use someone to talk to about that too

I have a phone number you can use. I dont know how to message people on here yet

The only way I can think of where you'd have the best chance of not being found, is dying at sea. Doesn't sound particularly pleasant/peaceful though

My parents home In socal is very close to the beach. I'm thinking if there might be a drug that can help my body shut down and hopefully loose conciousness while underwater

 

[HereToday]

Maybe I can leave a note of some sort?


I have a phone number you can use. I dont know how to message people on here yet

My parents home In socal is very close to the beach. I'm thinking if there might be a drug that can help my body shut down and hopefully loose conciousness while underwater

You have several options. You could take sodium nitrite which is easy and legal to buy, then go out to sea. You'll become unconscious within about 10 minutes and then down. Check out the resources thread (one of the top threads when you click on the Suicide Discussion forum) for more info on SN.
Otherwise you could look into sleeping pills or sedatives, you have plenty of options there.

I also agree with leaving a note for the people you care about, so they won't spend the rest of their lives looking for you or hoping you might still be alive.

Sorry to hear about your circumstances. Has he already decided to move away? Can't you fight that in court? I hope things work out for you

PS- you can message people after you make 5 posts or comments, and i believe a 24 hour waiting period since you joined. You have 3 comments so far. When you can send messages you'll see that option by clicking on someone's profile. I don't recommend giving out your phone number or any identifying information to people on here.

I feel your pain/guilt about losing your child.
I gave up custody of my at the time 6yo to her Dad because after 5000 dollars, I had no more money for lawyers to keep fighting. I literally gave up!! I know she's ok with him and his gf. They are good people. Most likely better parents than I could have been anyways.
My daughter and my Dad were really close(we all lived together) and when she left, he blamed me. I heard everyday what a horrible person I was, that is until the day I came home from work to find him dead in his room. He CTB but not before leaving a note that specifically blamed me.
It's been 2 years and I've never been ok mentally with how either of those situations turned out. So now, I will also CTB but blame nobody but myself!!

Sometimes I suppose you do what you gotta do to stop "feeling".

This is one of the saddest stories I've read in a long time. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's not your fault that your dad lost contact with your daughter, nor that he ctb. There was nothing you could have done differently. You tried your best. You can't hold yourself responsible for his actions, he was an adult and made that choice himself.

I can imagine an experience like that would destroy a person and lead them to also ctb. I'm incredibly sad for you. I wish you the best and hope you can find peace within yourself

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

i'm going to add one more voice encouraging you to make sure your daughter knows that you have departed the earth.

Otherwise, she will always wonder and may grow to think that she had done something to make you want to disappear.

There are lots of resources here. Please don't rush such an important decision. Likely, all the information you need can be found here and you'll find this a loving and supportive place to land, whatever you decide.