I wish, I so envy those who die, they are the true fortunate ones to me as they have no problems, no concerns, no need for anything and they lack the ability to suffer, it really sounds so ideal to permanently not exist, in fact it's all I see as desirable. I just despise how Nembutal isn't easily accessible, it's beyond hellish how it isn't. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.