Looking for a speck of hope

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Hi guys, i'm gonna keep it short bc i'm don't have the mental capacity to form coherent thoughts at the moment.
Well, I was looking for hopeful testimonies of past suicidal people from here, to clarify i'm depressed and in a suicidal crisis i'm not in physical pain and don't suffer from terminal illness. I'm really at my lowest ( even though shit could get worse) and was wondering how the fuck did you guys get better. As for most of you, it's been years and i'm starting to lose hope at the sight of this non-ending slippery slope.
Like how did you find peace ? Did it just go away ? I know that depression is fucking weird as it's an episodic disease and can sometime just magically go away. Is that what happened ?
Also just a last question, i'm trying my best to follow trough a therapy program but my social phobia makes it challenging like i don't feel confortable sharing things and feel like i'm an impostor and that i shouldn't be bothering the therapist for such silly things. Do some of you guys have advices to share to overcome this ? Do you guys sometimes have nothing to say at the therapist what happens then ?
Sorry lots of questions, poor organisation.
Thanks a lot if you decide to answer.
Regards

 

[Proteus]

Moving out my parents' house did it for me. I was miserable with them, as they harassed me all the time. Only after removing the root of my problems I improved. I still have a ton of problems that don't feel like going away, sadly.

Everyone has a different reason for their feelings, so the approach will vary. I still find so wrong how the popular solution was to "endure and get over it", when they can leave long-lasting trauma. It's harder than just " waiting enough".

 

[RosesFlourish]

My advice is try to be brave. Find the courage to share your feelings at therapy. Try to spend time outside, even if you don't have anyone to go with you could sit at a library and read, sit down at a restaurant etc. If the weather is warm that's esp. helpful in getting extra daylight and sun. *Try being the key word, do what you can and take your time.

Edit: A good therapist will ask the right questions to keep a conversation going, even if you go into it not knowing what to say.

My suicidal thoughts are still passively there, but made a lot of progress between therapy, meds and family.

 

[amra81nz]

I'm currently seeing therapist for social anxiety so I understand how your feeling. Every time I'm there I feel like I'm wasting their time and I'm somehow in the wrong being there. As for the depression and bad situation stuff this might sound odd but I remembered and old technique a previous therapist taught me, radical acceptance. No matter how bad or horrible or scary or embarrassing something is you gotta take a few minutes to just accept in your it's happened, you can't change it, and the world didn't end. From there you can do anything you like. It's weird at first but it did work for me

 

[mosai1que]

Group therapy has been great for me. Specifically UP (unified protocol). I was really skeptical at first but hearing from real life people that life can be shit and that feeling that way isnt illegal has helped me lots! In the same vein, being annoying isnt illegal its literally just annoying. Like if a therapist thinks badly of me it shouldn't matter cus their job isnt to like me.
Something else ive found is that people who have clear boundaries are often more likeable. If your therapist can't separate their feelings from their job they kind of suck at their job

 

[Ambivalent1]

Sleep, find connection (difficult)

 

[LittleJem]

mirtazapine - I mean try every medication if you haven't already. I'm not happy skippy happy but it is more bearable to be alive.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Group therapy has been great for me. Specifically UP (unified protocol). I was really skeptical at first but hearing from real life people that life can be shit and that feeling that way isnt illegal has helped me lots! In the same vein, being annoying isnt illegal its literally just annoying. Like if a therapist thinks badly of me it shouldn't matter cus their job isnt to like me.
Something else ive found is that people who have clear boundaries are often more likeable. If your therapist can't separate their feelings from their job they kind of suck at their job

Yeah lmao but i think we all know that most therapist indeed SUCK at their jobs going as far as insulting you. I genuinly thank you for your answer. Anyone answering here willingly to help others in need are truly humans.

mirtazapine - I mean try every medication if you haven't already. I'm not happy skippy happy but it is more bearable to be alive.

Yeah i've heard about it and am willing to try it since it also might help to regain libido apparently as well as Wellbutrin. So i guess i'll give it a try i've already been on a lot of meds .

Sleep, find connection (difficult)

Sleep is the only thing i do lmao. Can barely manage to get out of bed and when i do i'm overwhelmed by dread.

 

[tryingtoquietdown]

I get exactly what you're feeling. My suicidal ideation can very in severity by the month, week, day, and hour. It fucking sucks and feels absolutely hopeless when you're in the depths of it.

For me, I'm not sure my SI will ever go away. But as I've spent nearly a decade in therapy and tried dozens of techniques, I have found things that make my mental illness easier to bare. I've found ways to survive the weeks and months wishing I could die, and when they're over, there is light and joy in my life. The longer and harder I work on myself, the easier it becomes to help myself through. You might never be "cured," but you won't live in agony forever.

The issue is finding the thing(s) that work for you. Right now, I'm trying mood stabilizers along with my SSRIs to see if that helps. I only started them because I have a very good therapist, which is difficult to find. The thing to remember about therapy is that literally everyone could use therapy as some point in their lives. Your problems are not too small, insignificant, or "easy" to solve. If they were, you wouldn't be in so much pain. I completely understand the urge to downplay your own illness because you feel guilt or shame or imposter syndrome by not being "sick enough," but there is no real "sick enough." If you're sick, you're sick. Just because one person has the flu and another has cancer doesn't mean the person with the flu should just suck it up and not go to the doctor. You are a member on a forum about sanctioned suicide. Your problems are painful enough to warrant therapy, even if you can't talk about them right away.

There are weeks where I go into therapy and talk about the tiniest bullshit that irritated me. Usually, that leads into bigger discussions of the root problem, but sometimes the session is just dedicated to small things, and that's okay. Therapy isn't supposed to fix you; it's supposed to help you through difficult times and help you learn how to cope with life better. If what you need is to sit in silence for a bit, then a good therapist will let you do that. Maybe even just stating, "I don't feel comfortable talking about a lot right now," or "I'm having trouble talking," would help to clear the air. Remember that the therapist is there to help you. You're not expected to perform or pretend in therapy (at least, if you have a half-decent therapist). The expectation to "perform" is why group therapy doesn't work for me. If you have social phobias, it might not work for you, either (especially if you're a people pleaser).

Your healing journey is not going to be easy. It's gonna fucking suck sometimes. You might have to force yourself to tell your therapist that you're scared to talk to them. But no
matter what happens, therapy is just a general word for a huge collection of self-help strategies that won't work for everyone.