Discussion Lonely vs anxiety

[Life_and_Death]

Which would you choose? Would you rather be lonely or put up with the social anxiety so you arent lonely?

I thought about it, id rather be lonely. Its less stressful.

 

[MountKecske]

Me too, I'd rather be lonely, but I want my internal peace back. In the past too I lived entirely in my head, but it used to be a happy exciting place.

 

[nolongerhuman]

I deal with the social anxiety but only to a point. At a certain point I have to spend some time hiding in my house and if that means that some people think I've 'ghosted' them and don't want to be friends anymore oh well.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Social anxiety that's bad enough causes loneliness anyways.

in the latter scenario, are you *not* lonely, but dealing with SA? So then former is that you have no SA but you're lonely?

I'd rather have no SA and be lonely. Because if there's no SA, I can just go and make friends and I wont be lonely anymore.

 

[Life_and_Death]

are you *not* lonely, but dealing with SA? So then former is that you have no SA but you're lonely?

well its my birthday today and i was thinking that it would be nice to have some friends and then i thought about the anxiety that would cause me (plus my already high stress levels. the last time i almost had to deal with it was a total mess. anxiety) because of this i decided id rather be alone.

thinking about this..its kind of sad that mental disorders make you feel like its the better option to be alone on your birthday....

 

[everydayiloveyou]

well its my birthday today and i was thinking that it would be nice to have some friends and then i thought about the anxiety that would cause me (plus my already high stress levels. the last time i almost had to deal with it was a total mess. anxiety) because of this i decided id rather be alone.

thinking about this..its kind of sad that mental disorders make you feel like its the better option to be alone on your birthday....

I feel you. I've had SA for a long time and avoidance is my favorite coping mechanism lol. But when you avoid things to accommodate your fears, you miss out on opportunities that could be fun and not actually all that scary, like making friends and partying with them.

What I try to remember is that submitting to my anxiety has gotten me nowhere, always. It may have helped me not embarrass myself a couple times, but it's caused me thousand more embarrassing situations. It made me lonely and scared of the world. It's when you face your fears and take risks where you will start to realize how much life has to offer. Sometimes we need a little help from therapy or meds to take that first step but it's always worth it. You'll take your life back.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Right now I have both dialed up to 11.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I feel you. I've had SA for a long time and avoidance is my favorite coping mechanism lol. But when you avoid things to accommodate your fears, you miss out on opportunities that could be fun and not actually all that scary, like making friends and partying with them.

What I try to remember is that submitting to my anxiety has gotten me nowhere, always. It may have helped me not embarrass myself a couple times, but it's caused me thousand more embarrassing situations. It made me lonely and scared of the world. It's when you face your fears and take risks where you will start to realize how much life has to offer. Sometimes we need a little help from therapy or meds to take that first step but it's always worth it. You'll take your life back.

it depends on how bad my anxiety is acting up (idk if thats a normal thing for people with anxiety or my bpd making some days worse and some days better though). if its "minor" anxiety, then i can typically work though it but the higher up on the scale it goes the more likely i am to step away. i dont completely avoid everything, just work on the little stuff first and turning the big stuff into little stuff.

honestly part of the problem is most likely because im off my meds, i was suppose to get my dose upped right around now and i havent yet. im also suppose to have been out of meds for the past weekish but i havent been taking them. partially because im basically out.....im not sure what not taking them is accomplishing, i can just get more. theyre not expensive.

 

[Symbiote]

I rather be lonely, I can handle loneliness better. If I need a companion, I just get a dog or cat. I'm just allergic to people and society most of the time.

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

Hi Life and Death. It's my birthday too this week but I'll spend it alone because my SA makes it almost impossible for me to be around people. It's truly awful, this loneliness, but it's the better of two evils for me.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I have lived with GAD all my life. I would choose loneliness over anxiety any day of the week!

 

[FuneralCry]

I would choose loneliness, I actually quite like my own company really, and I am naturally introverted so it doesn't bother me really. Anxiety can be really debilitating and I never really feel comfortable being around many people and communicating.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I would choose loneliness, I actually quite like my own company really, and I am naturally introverted so it doesn't bother me really. Anxiety can be really debilitating and I never really feel comfortable being around many people and communicating.

The way you worded it, it sparked a question id like to ask.

Whats the difference between social anxiety, being introverted and being a loner? (like an optional loner. An example is my husband calls himself a loner. He feels better being with a lot less people). Is introverted and a loner the same? And i can see how anxiety can cause the things but i dont think its the exact same.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way you worded it, it sparked a question id like to ask.

Whats the difference between social anxiety, being introverted and being a loner? (like an optional loner. An example is my husband calls himself a loner. He feels better being with a lot less people). Is introverted and a loner the same? And i can see how anxiety can cause the things but i dont think its the exact same.

Being an introvert is somebody who is alone by choice and they prefer their own company. I think that loner technically means having no friends while introverted is just a personality trait. There probably isn't that much difference though. It is just some peoples personality I guess, and that is what is holding them back from interacting with others rather than anxiety. People with social anxiety might want to be around people but it causes them feelings of stress. Introverts/loners don't typically want to be around others.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Being an introvert is somebody who is alone by choice and they prefer their own company. I think that loner technically means having no friends while introverted is just a personality trait. There probably isn't that much difference though. It is just some peoples personality I guess, and that is what is holding them back from interacting with others rather than anxiety. People with social anxiety might want to be around people but it causes them feelings of stress. Introverts/loners don't typically want to be around others.

Thats roughly what i thought. Thanks for clearing it up

 

[Hurt]

Lonely because I am antisocial.

 

[loopylou]

My social anxiety makes me lonely .

 

[Sslsh]

I would call myself more of an SA version of incel. Like I *want* to be able to socialize when I want and be alone when I want. Like an ambivert maybe. But no, I'm having to hole up in my room because I'm a pathetic loser with the social skills of a rabbit trying to cross an intersection.

 

[Bauhaus]

Well, it's like choosing between the lesser of two evils....
At this moment I prolly go for loneliness, however in the future (when my parents are gone and I'm totally alone) I prolly will feel VERY lonely and I don't think I could handle it and then it would be time to ctb.

 

[Weary Soul]

For me, I think there is a very strong and negative cyclical relationship between anxiety and lonelisness.

However, if I were to look at these two feelings completely independent of one another, I would (and actually have), choosen self isolation/lonliness.

When I self isolate, I can get small doses of interaction as needed to not feel so lonely by joining groups/chat on the internet that I relate to or find interesting (eg., gardening, art, graphic design, etc.) or maybe volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter or someplace where I can help others as I can. And in this way, get a little social interaction doing something that feels good to me. Importantly, I would have to do this at a pace I can handle. Things like this can help me with any problems associated with self-isolation/lonliness.

When my anxiety hits - no matter what I do, I cannot stop it and it is beyond extremely disabling for me. Maybe I have social c-PTSD (and no, that is not an offical term in the DSM, I made it up) : )

Happy belated b-day to you!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Happy belated b-day to you!

thanks