Discussion Lonely people, would you still be suicidal if you had friends?

[lavenderlilylies]

As someone who always struggled to make connections and haven't had any friends for years now, i feel like I'd want to die less if i had people who i felt actually enjoyed my company. So I'm curious to know where others stand

 

[zulu123]

It sure helped me at times making friends. But at the end of the day I will come home and I am still alone and I am feeling all the same. So kinda.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I do have friends. Some relationships go back 10-20 years.

Most are online, but we have deep connections. A few are local to me; one lifelong friend since high school still lives in town. We hang out a couple of times a year. I have very little social battery, and even those visits wear me out. It's about the only socialization I do all year, tbh. I'm a real homebody and socially anxious. But I love it when we do get to meet up, we always have a great time.

I've never felt alone or lonely, I've always hated being around other people since I first started school.

 

[CatLvr]

I do have friends. Some relationships go back 10-20 years.

Most are online, but we have deep connections. A few are local to me; one lifelong friend since high school still lives in town. We hang out a couple of times a year. I have very little social battery, and even those visits wear me out. It's about the only socialization I do all year, tbh. I'm a real homebody and socially anxious. But I love it when we do get to meet up, we always have a great time.

I've never felt alone or lonely, I've always hated being around other people since I first started school.

I am the same way. I have one dear, dear friend. We see each other maybe once or twice every few years, and sometimes will go for several days without chatting but I would move heaven and earth for her and she would do the same. She is the sister I never had.

I don't have much use for the vast majority of people. In fact, if my husband left tonight and I never heard from him again, I would consider it a huge relief. We have been together 25+ years now and I have never really adjusted to him being around. I much prefer single life.

 

[lost_ange1]

It's difficult. I think they can help you through minor hard times but they won't change who you are and the cause of your problems, which means that eventually you will go to your fall back plan.
Another person can't change your life actively, you are the only person who can do that but they can still help and support you to an extent where you feel better in general.

But even if, I have a few people I consider to be friends, online and one irl and they've been supporting me, helping me, being there for me ever since. I can talk to them and everything but I still feel lonely, like I'm the only soul on the world.

 

[astr4]

i don't think friends fix anything

i keep losing them anyways because no matter what or how much time passes i just don't believe they actually like me

i just always blow shit up i guess idk

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I was suicidal when I had friends and I'm still suicidal as a friendless loser.

 

[aeternum2]

I've never had friends, outside of online. So I don't know. I can't speculate on something I've never had.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have friends and I'm still lonely because I've never had a girlfriend. I have female friends though. I think even if I had a romantic relationship though I'd probably still find some way to be lonely but initially I think I'd finally feel like I'm not.

 

[HereTomorrow]

I have friends, a small handful, but I don't feel like I can be myself with them. At the same time, do I deserve friends while being suicidial? How would I want them to respond if I said I am suicidial that isn't a one way trip to the hospital (it'd be unethical for them to wish me luck on CTB)? I think the right friend and not just friends alone can make life more tolerable and reduce it, but at the same time you have to be the friend you want to reduce any kind of suicidial thoughts. Don't be me and tear apart your friendships.

The answer is it depends, not just a yes or a no. Friends aren't a replacement for mental health professionals, but the the right person can absolutely do wonders for your mental health.

 

[alienfreak]

The word friend is very vague. A very good friend can be life-changing in unimaginable ways. But finding that that is not unlike trying to find a soul-mate. Most people are shit; almost every time i had supposed friendships it only made my life worse. It is very rare for me to find someone that i enjoy spending time with.

 

[graveface]

I used to be a friendless loner. Now I have a support network but still have intervals of suicidality so there that is.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

Someone made an analogy once that describes how I feel about even the closest relationships, it went something like:

Rather than making real connections with each other, we are each on our own islands, trying desperately to communicate with smoke signals in a language only we understand.

Fundamentally, the reality seems to be each person can only really understand their own minds, the best we can offer are interpretations of it. Others seem to accept that enough as connection, but I can't seem to find a way to cope with that innate aloneness, nor does it lessen my loneliness.

 

[Spearmint]

The continual gaining and losing of "friends" is a big factor.
Maybe if there was a point in trusting anyone for more than 3 months but based on my experience, it is a yes.

 

[fjohn5]

As someone who always struggled to make connections and haven't had any friends for years now, i feel like I'd want to die less if i had people who i felt actually enjoyed my company. So I'm curious to know where others stand

In the past I've had a tight friend circle and I think my self esteem and wellbeing relied heavily on them. At a certain point my mental illness totally prevented me from connecting with people socially. It's hell having no one to speak to. In fact I feel resentful when I seen happy groups of friends passing on the street. I know that's just symptomatic of my depression but it's overwhelming. I wish I could connect with others again

 

[Chrysalis]

I had one online friend for a while. Before that, I idealized the concept of connection and foolishly thought that just having one person to share my deepest thoughts with would "fix" me somehow. Of course, it didn't really work like that. Anxiety kicked into overdrive and they would start to occupy my every thought, invading my entire being; and even though they are gone now, part of them is still embedded in my flesh. You either bear the pain of the cold or the pain of quills, but my tolerance to the former is higher by now.

Someone made an analogy once that describes how I feel about even the closest relationships, it went something like:

Rather than making real connections with each other, we are each on our own islands, trying desperately to communicate with smoke signals in a language only we understand.

Fundamentally, the reality seems to be each person can only really understand their own minds, the best we can offer are interpretations of it. Others seem to accept that enough as connection, but I can't seem to find a way to cope with that innate aloneness, nor does it lessen my loneliness.

Interesting, I've had this exact thought too and don't understand how others can be okay with it either. At it's extreme, it's like that philosophical idea of how everyone might see a different color, but they all refer to it as "red" and assume everyone sees the same thing they do. Some of the original meaning is lost when we convert thoughts into words, and even more is lost when the other party interprets it through the lens of their own experience, an inevitable entropy of meaning. I find this idea to be almost like a mind virus, once you are aware of how fundamentally lonely existence is, it seems you can never be fully satisfied with relationships again.

I sometimes fantasize about completely melting into another person as an unrealistic solution, to be as entangled as possible while still being distinct. It might be a paradox however. Besides, it's a terrifying concept as well, to have all your impurity laid bare without the possibility of concealment.

 

[mrpeter]

if i had actual close friends that i talked to on a regular basic it wouldn't stop me but id be significantly less suicidal

 

[painfullypoetic]

It's difficult. I think they can help you through minor hard times but they won't change who you are and the cause of your problems, which means that eventually you will go to your fall back plan.
Another person can't change your life actively, you are the only person who can do that but they can still help and support you to an extent where you feel better in general.

But even if, I have a few people I consider to be friends, online and one irl and they've been supporting me, helping me, being there for me ever since. I can talk to them and everything but I still feel lonely, like I'm the only soul on the world.

You've put into words something I have always felt, I've never been able to find the right ones- but only soul in the world fits perfectly.

This is the hardest part of life. I can't figure this out and I most definitely don't understand.

I am one of the friendliest outgoing people, I do well in networking and even have worthless social media "success" (I accidentally got 20k+ followers on TikTok but didn't want to be a "TikToker" so when I miraculously hit 10k in two weeks I quit posting), I have a motorcycle group that I started when I was new to riding a few years ago and that has grown to 1500+ people- so many people "know" and "like" me- yet I have no real connections... I am the black sheep from all my siblings, I have always been the forgotten one from friends and family, I have never been anyones first choice, I have never had someone SHOW me that I truly matter to them (except my Dad, but he CTB), I've always been the "best" girlfriend (according to THEM) and still been the one betrayed and left heartbroken. I have three roommates, I texted them this last weekend that a member of my family died and that it's been hard for me, ONE responded- the other two (even the childrens' PASTOR) didn't acknowledge me or my loss, but they responded to messages about the wifi bill. I don't know why no matter what, there is never anyone really there for me. I truly believe that I am a good person and a good friend to others, but I've felt alone for most of my life. I always have gone back and forth with blaming myself or blaming the world. I'm starting to think its both. Someone to talk to and understand me, show up for me and making me feel like I matter to them, that would be enough for me, but like you stated, I feel like the only soul in the world too. I find great comfort and great sadness knowing that you feel that way too.

if i had actual close friends that i talked to on a regular basic it wouldn't stop me but id be significantly less suicidal

I completely agree. I don't understand why this is so freaking hard.

The word friend is very vague. A very good friend can be life-changing in unimaginable ways. But finding that that is not unlike trying to find a soul-mate. Most people are shit; almost every time i had supposed friendships it only made my life worse. It is very rare for me to find someone that i enjoy spending time with.

There are so many people on this planet, it blows my mind that this is so hard to do. I go back and forth between blaming the world and blaming myself. I really do wish that life could be simple, for some reason it seems to be anything but that.

 

[cryone]

i think if i were gifted with close friends throughout my life, I would probably not be suicidal. but now? it's a bit hard to imagine. At least, i think if I had true friends who support me through thick n thin i'd be a lot less suicidal.

 

[death's_door]

I would probably be more suicidal if I had friends.

 

[Wanted Opioid]

From what I know, people who have some friends are overall less likely to off themselves.

I don't know if having a friend would change my opinion on suicide tho. Since I never had a friend after kindergarten.

 

[ren4215]

i've felt depressed and lonely for as long as i remember, sometimes it just feels like i'm here to be used by others. it makes me want to be selfish and be happy for once by ctb. if i had friends or a stable relationship where i don't feel like the biggest burden, would it help me reconsider? no, because i would still be truly alone and getting used even more by people who wouldn't feel like friends to me

I would probably be more suicidal if I had friends.

i feel that way too, it feels more overwhelming to have people around when i think about it

 

[Wonhun]

it does not matter

 

[vanibless]

When I had them it still didn't change anything...these thoughts didn't magically left and sometimes I was getting even worse bc I am sensitive about what my friends say to me or how they interact with me and I was overreactinh and overthinking over and over I think I am giving up on having them

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes I would. I think it'd be nice if I had friends who could actually understand me (but this isn't the majority of people) and perhaps they would make existence more tolerable for me but, at the end of the day, I'd still want death as that's the only way to never suffer. I don't want to be friends with the average person though because I wouldn't get along with them due to my neurotype plus I don't want to deal with the average person anyway

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't need friends.

Why do I have to have friends?

Why do I have to want friends?

 

[beenheredonethat]

i stop being suicidal as soon as i connect with a human being. it feels like i can go through anything just as long as there is someone, anyone by my side. the irony of life; nobody stays with me for long, everyone i ever treasured either ghosted or treated me like shit in the end i had to leave myself. it feels wrong to make someone my emotional crutch even tho i dont get all depressed and negative around them, we're mostly playing games and chat. still, i cant help myself