That kind of loneliness can be fatal.
Loving and being loved is a human need and love is the only thing that gives life meaning.
I'm so sorry for all of the times you've been hurt. The dating scene must've been hell for you.
You can check out a dating site called Single and Shy.
It's an international site that serves the U.S. and a lot of countries.
https://www.singleandshy.com/
You're on SS so I'm guessing that depression is an issue. Have you thought of joining a depression support group?
You may meet someone who you have something in common with and who understands where you're coming from as far as not being able to fit in with the general dating population.
You can try volunteering at a place that provides an outlet for those who deal with depression or other mental health issues.
I'm not recommending that you volunteer at a psychiatric hospital but maybe something like a recovery group, a group that goes out and enjoys social activities.
Like I said you might find understanding or commonality in a place where there are people who understand you and who can relate to how your emotional state hinders you socially.
I wish you the best.