The loneliness becomes so much that I find myself denying it subconciuosly. I know I am but the body will find all the ways to move on and adapt to live. I am tired of it. I cannot accept this I cannot accept this at all. I am holding on, On to whatever i can find even grabbing on to anything near me feels better then nothing hugging my pillow at night. I feel as though I am waiting for an opportunity to end it. Looking around finding that opening to end this. Its gotten to a point that I feel as though i leave my body as I walk forgetting where I am at times, that I am even here, It happened at work and scared me. Like I was out from behind me. I look back and if I had known this would become of me I would have ended it sooner. The thought of it becoming more painfull makes me sad.
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