Venting Living Right

[SoLowHollow48]

Does anyone ever feel like just doing whatever the hell they want even if it's at the expense of others?

Starting from the simplest stuff like not opening the door for other people, not holding the elevator for the elderly, not cleaning the house and just chilling all day even if your living room looks like the episode of Hoarders.

Going to the batshit crazy ones like crashing your car, beating the shit out of other people, and getting yourself into an addiction so you can make it into a reason as to why you can't contribute to other people's lives?

I got so tired living right sometimes. Got an older brother who completely detached himself from this family and its problems. I always thought about how easy it was for him but how it was so difficult for me to do the same. This family is good to me and I want to give back.

I want to give back to others who are nice to me but it gets to a point. It's exhausting yet, at the same time, I don't want to be an asshat and let go.

 

[aufrechtm7]

I thought about this heavily at one point and even tried to put it into practice, but I either was too weak willed to actually follow through on things or my true character prevailed.

 

[whywere]

I have always tried my best to be helpful toothers.

Now I have been burned so damn hard and I 100% believe in Karma. I can think of numerous folks who have intentionally burned me and each and every one of them got it back tenfold.

Just tonight, I live in a apartment building and a neighbor lad had coins, but the soda machine would not accept them. I went back to my apartment and got a hand full of dollar bills (USD) and gave them to him and he bought 2 sodas. Do I want the money back? NO, NEVER! Just seeing the smile on his face.as he grabbed a bottle to open was payment enough for me.

Small gestures like that are what makes ALL of us human and guess what? I leave with what I came with, ZERO.

But to intentionally hurt someone? NEVER EVER, as it is not in my DNA.

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm part of the way there- seeing as I live on my own. My living environment is appalling. I care less about work now. As in- not having it (I'm freelance so- work is sporadic.)

That said, I don't feel like I can let things go completely. I do still feel the need to support myself. So- I do need work still and, I care to do it to the best of my ability.

Also, there's only so far you can let things slip without suffering in other ways- I've found. So much is broken and needs fixing now that it becomes harder to live with pretty basic requirements- I'm hand washing and relying on kettles for hot water at the moment. I don't want to become ill so- there are limits as to how much things can slide.

Worse- I'm very conscious that I need to pull things back now- which is so much harder when they have gotten this bad.

Death is so appealing as the alternative but then, I also wonder how bad I can bear to leave it for someone else to deal with. They will be paid at least- I've asked my solicitor to bring in a house clearance company but still- I do still feel weirdly embarassed. Even though I won't be alive to witness it.

It's definitely appealing though. A hedonistic period before the end. Nothing illegal appeals (thankfully,) although- I would like to visit a few places, spend money without worrying about the future. Even that likely won't happen though because- I'd rather there be money to sort out my mess when I leave.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I'm part of the way there- seeing as I live on my own. My living environment is appalling. I care less about work now. As in- not having it (I'm freelance so- work is sporadic.)

That said, I don't feel like I can let things go completely. I do still feel the need to support myself. So- I do need work still and, I care to do it to the best of my ability.

Also, there's only so far you can let things slip without suffering in other ways- I've found. So much is broken and needs fixing now that it becomes harder to live with pretty basic requirements- I'm hand washing and relying on kettles for hot water at the moment. I don't want to become ill so- there are limits as to how much things can slide.

Worse- I'm very conscious that I need to pull things back now- which is so much harder when they have gotten this bad.

Death is so appealing as the alternative but then, I also wonder how bad I can bear to leave it for someone else to deal with. They will be paid at least- I've asked my solicitor to bring in a house clearance company but still- I do still feel weirdly embarassed. Even though I won't be alive to witness it.

It's definitely appealing though. A hedonistic period before the end. Nothing illegal appeals (thankfully,) although- I would like to visit a few places, spend money without worrying about the future. Even that likely won't happen though because- I'd rather there be money to sort out my mess when I leave.

I don't condone anything illegal but ffs I want to try at least one type of drug. Ketamine, fent, cocaine, anything destructive. I am so tired of living on a straight line, trying to make it all stable and working for others.

I want to say "fuck all" and just watch it all burn at times. But I always revert back to my factory settings: who's gonna clean up the mess if not me?

I have always tried my best to be helpful toothers.

Now I have been burned so damn hard and I 100% believe in Karma. I can think of numerous folks who have intentionally burned me and each and every one of them got it back tenfold.

Just tonight, I live in a apartment building and a neighbor lad had coins, but the soda machine would not accept them. I went back to my apartment and got a hand full of dollar bills (USD) and gave them to him and he bought 2 sodas. Do I want the money back? NO, NEVER! Just seeing the smile on his face.as he grabbed a bottle to open was payment enough for me.

Small gestures like that are what makes ALL of us human and guess what? I leave with what I came with, ZERO.

But to intentionally hurt someone? NEVER EVER, as it is not in my DNA.

Walter

Yeah. I also can't find it in me to be an utter piece of shite towards others. I feel like that's gonna bite me in the ass one way or the other and it's good if it's only me shouldering the consequences. What if others get involved? That can't be good, can it?

The small good things are the ones that make life delightful, truly. I did mention at one post that I really, really love thoughtfulness.

But perhaps, nearing the complete crumbling of my whole sanity, I can see why there are mean people.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

But I always revert back to my factory settings: who's gonna clean up the mess if not me?

same. I fantasise about living for myself and not caring for others but people pleasing makes me pleased honestly

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Does anyone ever feel like just doing whatever the hell they want even if it's at the expense of others?

Starting from the simplest stuff like not opening the door for other people, not holding the elevator for the elderly, not cleaning the house and just chilling all day even if your living room looks like the episode of Hoarders.

Going to the batshit crazy ones like crashing your car, beating the shit out of other people, and getting yourself into an addiction so you can make it into a reason as to why you can't contribute to other people's lives?

I got so tired living right sometimes. Got an older brother who completely detached himself from this family and its problems. I always thought about how easy it was for him but how it was so difficult for me to do the same. This family is good to me and I want to give back.

I want to give back to others who are nice to me but it gets to a point. It's exhausting yet, at the same time, I don't want to be an asshat and let go.

Not to that extreme, but I have gotten so numb that I didn't care. And will sometimes pick arguments with random people for the dumbest reasons. I'll pick arguments with a big, scary looking person; hoping they would pummel and kill me