Venting Living or dying. Neither is easy!!!!

[Livingvsdying25]

I find myself a little frustrated with being unable to relate to a lot of things regarding suicide and ending ones life. I think I'm just reading a lot of like common/general shit but yeah... (like articles and the like)

Its making me feel conflicted when really I'd just like to feel less alone..


1st. Relief....

I don't feel any relief from wanting to and/or deciding to die... like it doesn't just suďdenly make my life better or the experience better or anything...

Like the whole concept of a bucket list and living out my last days as my best... completely lost concept to me.

I joined this site what? Almost 2 years ago? Yeahh my anhedonia has gotten like WAYYY worse... I didn't even think that was possible but yeah....

I don't enjoy anything. My plans while I organize my method àre just... living? Like just existing cause I don't have a lot or much to do. I don't have anything that I wanna do.

Like in an idealistic sense maybe? But having been close and/or have started to plan in the past... Yeah im just not interested in anything. If i was/had the longevity and energy then I wouldn't die... I'd just do that shit but there's nothing.


So yeahh no sudden living to the fullest for me...


So yeah with that I don't feel comfort or peace or anything from this decision.

Just loneliness(the usual) and yeah??? thats about it... i don't feel much. Some hella discomfort of the unknown.


Attempting to end contact with my more obligatory supports and tbh any in general. Just keeping my doctor there for the bare minimum of meds...

I just don't choose life anymore. Won't just be a lifeless being as to not upset anyone. I don't want to live or well maybe I do but.. thats not enough.


anyway. I guess I wish I felt anything but anxiety and fear but I don't. Anything unknown makes me anxious tho so. I guess it just to be expected....

 

[heretogethelp]

i can't hang myself. So, i guess i'm stuck here with everyone else, lol.

 

[Debbie Northampton U]

I get what you mean about getting pleasure in nothing. I get no pleasure out of socialising but enjoy reading/gardening etc. Do you not like doing anything on your own?

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I agree with this. Some days I manage better than others but life is a chore for the most part.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, the eternal dilemma which options are too hard to achieve.
I wish there was just a button so that we could get the hell out of this world whenever we wanted.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate with the anhedonia. I just see this life as basically pointless, we as humans are just waiting for death. I sometimes feel trapped on this earth as I know that death is what I want but it requires planning to get there. I would love to fall into an eternal sleep.