Venting living off parents, no job prospects, no desirable qualities

[skybluesuicide]

I'm currently living off my parents' money and probably will continue to until I die, which I think isn't so far away. I have no academic qualifications since I dropped out of school, and even if I did complete school I still wouldn't be able to get a job since I struggle with the most menial things like getting out of bed. I'll never be an independent adult and that fact just makes me feel pathetic and worthless. I can't socialise or make connections with anyone. I have a speech block, I have no charisma, and I am an incredibly boring person to talk to. This is not my low self-esteem talking, I have tried making friends online and eventually I get ghosted or the other person becomes uninterested and responds in one-word answers until I realise they don't want to talk to me anymore. My only purpose in life is to travel to different hospitals/meet new psychiatrists and hope one of them improves my condition. The only interactions I have with non-family members are with psychiatrists and therapists, and occasionally a fellow patient in the psych ward if I'm in one. This life doesn't seem like one worth living. I literally have nothing going for me. I've set a deadline, and if I don't get better within that deadline I'm going to kill myself using an exit bag or some other method involving nitrogen (that deadline is soon so some sources would be really nice). I have lots of dreams and things I want to experience in life but when every second of your existence hurts, waiting and hoping you'll stumble upon some magic pill and ride off in the sunset doesn't seem worth it.

 

[Rocinante]

I'm currently living off my parents' money and probably will continue to until I die, which I think isn't so far away. I have no academic qualifications since I dropped out of school, and even if I did complete school I still wouldn't be able to get a job since I struggle with the most menial things like getting out of bed. I'll never be an independent adult and that fact just makes me feel pathetic and worthless. I can't socialise or make connections with anyone. I have a speech block, I have no charisma, and I am an incredibly boring person to talk to. This is not my low self-esteem talking, I have tried making friends online and eventually I get ghosted or the other person becomes uninterested and responds in one-word answers until I realise they don't want to talk to me anymore.

I also suffer from all the aforementioned things.
Dropping out of society and isolation from everything has made me fall well behind my peers. I see no point in trying to change my circumstances when everyone is already better off. It's a dog eat dog world, and I've been left out of the competition.
I'm trying uni since it's the only way out of my situation even though it's a bit late for me.

Communication is almost nigh impossible for me. It's improved in the last year and a half but I still find myself falling back on the same tried and true communication methods~
As in, I'll find myself repeating the same things to someone of done prior. It's a hard skill to learn, socializing is.
Im honestly close to giving up on trying to interact with others. I can be content with talking to myself. Daydreaming, and whatnot.

I have lots of dreams and things I want to experience in life but when every second of your existence hurts, waiting and hoping you'll stumble upon some magic pill and ride off in the sunset doesn't seem worth it.

I mentioned to another user, I have a romanticized idea of how I want my life to be and the steps to get there. I'm working to achieve it but some days can be a drag. It becomes mentally draining.

My dreams and goals are the only thing driving me atm. Too bad they're probably just that, dreams. If only I weren't born with a low IQ brain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful what you have to go through, it's such a cruel world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[ToTheTwillight]

My guess is that you are a smart person who is talented, but have some disabilities or difficulties that makes it tough for you to do some things that are basic. I'm kind of the same as well and sometimes if there is something basic I can't do, makes me wonder how I can do bigger stuff. While I completed my studies and went to have a career that somewhat seems lost now, I had to go through many struggles still including socially, and it's been an excruciating pain. Now that I'm older I see that battle getting harder and more painful, I don't have any desire to move forward.