Venting Living Life in Automatic

[Liwujin]

I often feel like life is passing around me, I'm not living it. No matter how much I try to grab the reigns and take a hold of it to hopefully steer it towards something that can actually make me not miserable—it feels, it always escapes my grasps and slips away into other's hands. If I can't control my life, if I can't choose what I want to be in it. What is the point of living for others when I can't live for myself? I try to remind myself that there are people who love me, but those people who love me aren't doing anything to help me. I'm drowning in life while they all move past me. I'd hate to make them sad but it's not like they care how sad I am now.

 

[hdead]

I often feel like life is passing around me, I'm not living it. No matter how much I try to grab the reigns and take a hold of it to hopefully steer it towards something that can actually make me not miserable—it feels, it always escapes my grasps and slips away into other's hands. If I can't control my life, if I can't choose what I want to be in it. What is the point of living for others when I can't live for myself? I try to remind myself that there are people who love me, but those people who love me aren't doing anything to help me. I'm drowning in life while they all move past me. I'd hate to make them sad but it's not like they care how sad I am now.

I often feel the same way. I accomplished things, but it feels like it happened to me rather than me actually doing it. I feel like a ship without a rudder or captain drifting in the ocean called life.

When it comes to other people, I also tend to feel a similar way as yourself. It seems like they don't care. But, I think I'd rather conclude that - like myself - they just don't have a fucking clue how to handle this situation.

I don't mean to speak for you, so please correct me if I am wrong. My thinking is as follows: We are thinking and feeling more deeply about the meaning of life. We are in a sort of existential crisis where we are pondering deep and confronting realities of life, namely death and impermanence. The people around us are generally just busy living their life in the way they know how. The things we ponder and feel are far away concepts for most people. It's painful and scary to think about and repression is a real thing. I think they do care, but only in the way they know. And we must be honest, they would not have an answer to our question. At least, I don't think they do.

 

[Liwujin]

I often feel the same way. I accomplished things, but it feels like it happened to me rather than me actually doing it. I feel like a ship without a rudder or captain drifting in the ocean called life.

When it comes to other people, I also tend to feel a similar way as yourself. It seems like they don't care. But, I think I'd rather conclude that - like myself - they just don't have a fucking clue how to handle this situation.

I don't mean to speak for you, so please correct me if I am wrong. My thinking is as follows: We are thinking and feeling more deeply about the meaning of life. We are in a sort of existential crisis where we are pondering deep and confronting realities of life, namely death and impermanence. The people around us are generally just busy living their life in the way they know how. The things we ponder and feel are far away concepts for most people. It's painful and scary to think about and repression is a real thing. I think they do care, but only in the way they know. And we must be honest, they would not have an answer to our question. At least, I don't think they do.

I just wish they wouldn't turn their backs when things get bad, when my depression isn't pretty and actually becomes an inconvenience to their lives. I don't want them to solve everything and answer everything, I just wish they care more beyond if I commit suicide or not.