I'm in a somewhat similar place. I survived an attempt a few months ago. I have been thinking about it a fair amount lately, but my SI has been kicking in, and I don't have the available options I had in the past.
I have one good friend and a sister who have expressed to me how upset they would be if I actually CTB'd. It's difficult. My sister is religious and is pushing me to adopt a belief system I just don't find much interest in.
I can't tell them what a dark and sad worldview I have. But it does make it more complicated, which I hate. I have thought about cutting off contact with them long before I CTB, to blunt the emotional impact.
I'm lucky that I even have two people in my life. I'm not complaining. Just makes CTB difficult.